Rock Bottom
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
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Originally Posted by periwinkle123 
From what I know, most addicts that distribute do so to make money. We have our own business that has made enough to support us and his addiction, so he didn't have to turn to desperate measures to get his drugs.
[/QUOTE]I know there are things about him that are just like any other typical addict. But believe it or not, there are actually areas in which he is different. [/QUOTE]
Yeah... we call that terminal uniqueness. You'll find out some day that he's not so unique an addict after all.
[/QUOTE]He already tapered down to a super low amount right before he got arrested (as I mentioned, because he was planning to switch to suboxone). [/QUOTE]
Tapered down so super low with big plans to change to sub this week... he must have forgotten about the huge amount he orded by MAIL with no intent to distribute.
I hope this might be your "Rock Bottom"... and you see what he's doing to is own family, let alone himself.
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Okay, no need to talk down to me. I get plenty of people on here won't believe what I say, or won't believe that it is how I say it has been. No, not all addicts are the same. Some are functioning. Some aren't. Some steal & get violent. Some continue a normal life and use to feel normal because they have either depression or ocd or other things they're dealing with the wrong way. Some aspects are universal, but not everything is one size fits all. Some are deeper into it than others, where there's no glimpse of the person inside anymore. He isn't being charged with distributing, because he doesn't sell. He's being charged with trafficking in, meaning he got it shipped into the state.
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That being said: no I don't think this situation is okay or what he did was okay! & guess what, he's going to get his punishment for that. From the looks of it it could be a minimum of three years in jail/prison. Also, a lot of times when he would order things online, packages would get delayed or lost or show up later (I knew he was getting his substances online. He didn't want to get involved with any local dealers and I guess the online sellers get reviews and are more reputable as to what is in the substance..) so it's also possible it was an order he made a while ago before he started to quit. I haven't had a chance to talk to him about that and figure out what happened. I'm with him basically 24/7. I know when he's even a hint of a bit high on anything. & the past couple weeks it wasn't like that because he was using less and less each day. I'm just telling you the facts of my situation as it is. Not making excuses for him. There's plenty of things he's done wrong and ways he and his addiction has hurt us. He had admitted it all and wants help. What matters to me now is him following through on it. I'm not going to be enabling or just letting him back into our home to resume "life as usual".
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I would suggest you consult with a lawyer for yourself just to be on the safe side especially if he is accused of trafficking on a federal level because of the quantity and the fact that it came through State lines. There has been instances when partners have been charged for co conspiracy and have served time.
Take care of yourself
Take care of yourself
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your first post was almost a year ago and he had just been arrested and jailed with gear in his possession, while on probation; tried subs and then was going to just get off the dope - and you really hoped THAT was his turning point.
addiction, being the progressive monster that it is, sees that he is STILL using today, NOT off the dope and just arrested for TRAFFICKING HEROIN.
denial is equally progressive, and you make it sound like he picked up the neighbor's Crate and Barrel order by mistake, and he's really not like OTHER ADDICTS. does he use drugs? and do they cause great troubles in his life.....AND YOURS?
then he is JUST like any other addict. only he is dragging you and the baby (babies??) down with him. this isn't his first brush with the law, this is not his first arrest, he's an old hand at this, and sadly, you've become rather immune to the gravity of the situation.............
addiction, being the progressive monster that it is, sees that he is STILL using today, NOT off the dope and just arrested for TRAFFICKING HEROIN.
denial is equally progressive, and you make it sound like he picked up the neighbor's Crate and Barrel order by mistake, and he's really not like OTHER ADDICTS. does he use drugs? and do they cause great troubles in his life.....AND YOURS?
then he is JUST like any other addict. only he is dragging you and the baby (babies??) down with him. this isn't his first brush with the law, this is not his first arrest, he's an old hand at this, and sadly, you've become rather immune to the gravity of the situation.............
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
your first post was almost a year ago and he had just been arrested and jailed with gear in his possession, while on probation; tried subs and then was going to just get off the dope - and you really hoped THAT was his turning point. addiction, being the progressive monster that it is, sees that he is STILL using today, NOT off the dope and just arrested for TRAFFICKING HEROIN. denial is equally progressive, and you make it sound like he picked up the neighbor's Crate and Barrel order by mistake, and he's really not like OTHER ADDICTS. does he use drugs? and do they cause great troubles in his life.....AND YOURS? then he is JUST like any other addict. only he is dragging you and the baby (babies??) down with him. this isn't his first brush with the law, this is not his first arrest, he's an old hand at this, and sadly, you've become rather immune to the gravity of the situation.............
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Originally Posted by Carlotta
I would suggest you consult with a lawyer for yourself just to be on the safe side especially if he is accused of trafficking on a federal level because of the quantity and the fact that it came through State lines. There has been instances when partners have been charged for co conspiracy and have served time. Take care of yourself
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Does this mean he won't ever use again? I don't know that. Does this mean he has an option to accept help and go about his choices a different way? Yes. Is there a possibility of more my hopes turning to disappointments? Yes. But if so, it will no longer be my problem to deal with. It will be the jails/prisons. I don't know why everyone is on my case thinking I think this is all okay, when I have clearly stated multiple times that I don't think is okay, that he will have to face the consequences, & that I'm just keeping it together moment by moment for my child. Addicts are people too, not all of them are evil. I've seen the efforts my husband puts into turning his life around. It is quite common for relapses to occur for the first year of recovery. This most recent use will have been his fourth relapse. I believe he can succeed if he gets professional help. Isn't this a board for support? Or is this a place where people just berate their addicts and advise everyone to get a divorce.
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You must be breathing a sight of release that you were not indicted. That would have been a huge mess especially with a small child.
If you re read my post, you will see that I said nothing about your husband or a divorce and the only advice I gave you was to consult with a lawyer and also to take care of yourself.
Or is this a place where people just berate their addicts and advise everyone to get a divorce.
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Originally Posted by Carlotta
You must be breathing a sight of release that you were not indicted. That would have been a huge mess especially with a small child. If you re read my post, you will see that I said nothing about your husband or a divorce and the only advice I gave you was to consult with a lawyer and also to take care of yourself.
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Originally Posted by Txhelp
Yes..there is plenty of support. However, it's not unheard of for others to call and apple and apple. I have also been offended, once or twice, with my postings but I find out later it was the truth!
I guess my emotions on this post were back and forth because I was getting the pieces of the puzzle & situation still bit by bit throughout the weekend and today..
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Originally Posted by Txhelp
Yes..there is plenty of support. However, it's not unheard of for others to call and apple and apple. I have also been offended, once or twice, with my postings but I find out later it was the truth!
We help each other learn to protect ourselves from addiction.
I always use the analogy of the dragon because "chasing the dragon" is a term used for smoking heroin.
If I posted on here "ok you guys AH brought home a fire breathing Dragon and hid it in the guest bathroom. At first I didn't notice but it grew bigger and I found it. I told him he had to get rid of his dragon but he won't! It set off the smoke alarm today and I'm worried the authorities will find out, or that it will burn the house down. The kids want to play with it now and I'm worried. What do I do!?"
I would get responses like " what if it eats your kids!!!?? Get rid of it! Tell him he has to GO and take his dragon with him."
You can substitute whatever works for you. I've heard numerous comparisons.... demon, lion, tiger, cobra... imagine having a full grown male lion in your house with your baby... and then the look everyone gives you when you insist that it is a kitty.
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But a lot of my posts get responses that I should leave or divorce or be done with him.
actually not a single reply used the word DIVORCE or LEAVE. but many sugested you insulate yourself from HIS actions, take what has happened very seriously, and take the same precautions one would for any threat to safety or security.
sound legal advice can only be a good thing, so i hope you proceed with that. of course your husband is still a human being, and one can always hope the addict seeks recovery.......but considering his path SO FAR, that this counts as his 4th relapse, and done in rather spectacular, made for tv fashion, i'd suggest an abundance of caution. your life will not be the same as it was now that this has occurred......
actually not a single reply used the word DIVORCE or LEAVE. but many sugested you insulate yourself from HIS actions, take what has happened very seriously, and take the same precautions one would for any threat to safety or security.
sound legal advice can only be a good thing, so i hope you proceed with that. of course your husband is still a human being, and one can always hope the addict seeks recovery.......but considering his path SO FAR, that this counts as his 4th relapse, and done in rather spectacular, made for tv fashion, i'd suggest an abundance of caution. your life will not be the same as it was now that this has occurred......
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As I start doing so, a swarm of DEA Agents with guns and full gear run at the door yelling "get on the ground get on the ground!" (felt like a movie or a cops episode. Scariest thing.) One forcibly pulls me down to the floor (I was in shock & hadn't processed what they were saying at the moment. Thank goodness I wasn't holding my boy when they ran in and shoved me down) they proceeded to tell asking me who else is in the house, and where my husband was. I told them no one but my baby, & that my husband just left to his office (self employed, has his own business). After they confirmed that he wasn't in the house, I was finally able to get my baby, and had to go sit in a room getting questioned. About the package I just signed for. A package of HEROIN that AH ordered online to come to our HOME. Heroin for someone that's supposed to be switching to sub in the next couple of days. I just could not believe it... They showed me that they had a search warrant. Took all our computers, lap tops, iPads, etc. Broke open his safe, to find more of his old syringes and pills.. Picked him up at his office and arrested him. We are both permanent residents (lived in the U.S. Since we were 2) but not citizens, & since it came in the mail that makes it a federal offense. So now there's talk of deportation.
Is this the life you want to live and that you want for your child?
What if they charged you too and took your child away from you? (And don't think that couldn't happen to you, it has happened to more than one sad partner here and they lost their homes too and did jail time...for just knowing).
These are big questions. Addiction is progressive and it's quite likely it will get worse before it gets better, that's not me being mean, that's the sad truth.
It's really as simple as deciding if you can continue to live this life or not. There is no other options on the table right now and wishing it was different, if only...is only kidding yourself.
Please take very good care of yourself and your child.
hugs
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No, that isn't the life I or anyone else wants.
These are things I've never imagined I would have to experience. Having to talk with DEA & FBI & immigration agents. But like I stated before... It's out of my hands now. Now there will be forced separation for a while. & i think it has been good for both of us. Maybe it'll change his course. Maybe not. Thankfully there have been no legal ramifications on me, as AH took it all upon himself and confessed to it and said I had no involvement. Although the agents already knew I had no involvement because the informant was the person that sold AH the stuff.
Anyway, it's been almost a week now and AH is still locked up. I've been keeping busy, focusing on the business and our child. It's out of my hands. I have people telling me what I should do from all sides and I'm just tired of it. It's not my mess to clean up. I will talk to him from afar & offer verbal support if HE decides to act on handling this correctly...
These are things I've never imagined I would have to experience. Having to talk with DEA & FBI & immigration agents. But like I stated before... It's out of my hands now. Now there will be forced separation for a while. & i think it has been good for both of us. Maybe it'll change his course. Maybe not. Thankfully there have been no legal ramifications on me, as AH took it all upon himself and confessed to it and said I had no involvement. Although the agents already knew I had no involvement because the informant was the person that sold AH the stuff.
Anyway, it's been almost a week now and AH is still locked up. I've been keeping busy, focusing on the business and our child. It's out of my hands. I have people telling me what I should do from all sides and I'm just tired of it. It's not my mess to clean up. I will talk to him from afar & offer verbal support if HE decides to act on handling this correctly...
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