Rock Bottom

Old 04-11-2015, 12:15 AM
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Rock Bottom

Things were slowly getting better with AH, he was tapering & using less every day. Got some Suboxone & said he was switching to it this upcoming week.
Then today... He leaves for work, I'm feeding our son, & a few minutes later there's a knock on the door. It's the mailman (or so I thought), & he needs me to sign for a small package envelope for my husband. As I start doing so, a swarm of DEA Agents with guns and full gear run at the door yelling "get on the ground get on the ground!" (felt like a movie or a cops episode. Scariest thing.) One forcibly pulls me down to the floor (I was in shock & hadn't processed what they were saying at the moment. Thank goodness I wasn't holding my boy when they ran in and shoved me down) they proceeded to tell asking me who else is in the house, and where my husband was. I told them no one but my baby, & that my husband just left to his office (self employed, has his own business). After they confirmed that he wasn't in the house, I was finally able to get my baby, and had to go sit in a room getting questioned. About the package I just signed for. A package of HEROIN that AH ordered online to come to our HOME. Heroin for someone that's supposed to be switching to sub in the next couple of days. I just could not believe it... They showed me that they had a search warrant. Took all our computers, lap tops, iPads, etc. Broke open his safe, to find more of his old syringes and pills.. Picked him up at his office and arrested him. We are both permanent residents (lived in the U.S. Since we were 2) but not citizens, & since it came in the mail that makes it a federal offense. So now there's talk of deportation. Because of the amount that came in the package, they are charging him wtb trafficking (even though I know for a fact he never had sold it to anyone ever and strictly used personally in secret)..
I am just in such shock.. I have to wait until Monday for his arraignment. I feel sick to my stomach. He is going to get jail (or prison) time for sure. He is going to miss his sons first birthday, first steps, and who knows how much of his life :'( it's so hard to let go of hope when you have a functioning addict. When you're still financially stable and taken care of. When he's a great & involved dad & lights up your sons world. I am heartbroken.
In a way I am hoping it's his rock bottom and at least does some good & he gets clean... But damn, what a price to pay. It's not just him getting punished, all of us get punished with him! Now I have to figure out how to handle all the financial and business stuff that he used to handle, figure out stuff with our house and most likely have to move to a new smaller place on my own somewhere.

I don't know how to get through this.
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Old 04-11-2015, 05:50 AM
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he put you and your son in a really bad situation. And now you have the choice to sink or swim. I will bet my life that you are a 'swimmer'. Pick one thing that is most important and work on that.

You will get thru this because you are a strong lady.

Addicts with subs - will continue to use. Often the subs are sold for heroin. Masters of manipulation - they fool everyone. The lies cover it all up and they gaslight their loved ones in order to continue using freely.

We've all been hurt this way. Don't take it personally, even though that's a tough thing to accept. It's their nature. A necessary script.

I will be praying for you ... asking for strength so that you can sort and get thru this, one day at a time. I am so sorry this has happened to you.
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Old 04-11-2015, 05:57 AM
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Hi Periwinkle,

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. What a shock!

Although my functioning AH has not been arrested, I did leave him, and am dealing with all the other pieces you described such as not having the same income, currently living back with my parents etc.

And I can say this - it's really not as bad as I thought it was going to be!

In fact, I am starting to enjoy it.

The thought of it was MUCH worse than the reality.

Yes, there are times when I feel REALLY sad, and I miss him, however I am beginning to notice that I feel more peaceful and less stressed. Even with a functioning addict, living in that kind of atmosphere is very stressful, and there is always a sort of insidious strain. It certainly had a massive negative effect on me.

I am out of that now!

And I notice that I am no longer worrying about him as much as I used to.

Surprisingly the money side is fine too. In fact my finances are looking up, and some new work came in. Plus it's easier with more energy to focus on work where I am not dealing with the latest craziness or crisis of being with an addict.

I'm actually able to be more organised with my finances, and can see them improving. It makes me feel good in myself!

So although what has happened to you totally sucks right now, you will be OK. You and your son. x

And I believe you will find some silver linings.

Sending you love and stay strong.
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Old 04-11-2015, 06:10 AM
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silver linings ... they teach us so much about ourselves and our strengths. Molding us into amazing people

Hard to see it when the wounds are raw. But story after story, show us that like CarmenLove ... it feels as if the weight has been lifted after we walk thru the fire.
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Old 04-11-2015, 04:08 PM
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Thank you... On the bright side, all our family and friends know now. Which most people have been a lot less judgmental and more supportive than I expected. It still doesn't fully sink in during the day while I keep myself busy... But at night it's the worst :'( this is going to be so so hard.
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Old 04-11-2015, 11:40 PM
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Omg, what a nightmare. I'm sure we have all worried about this exact thing that just happened to you. Yes, a shock it putting it gently. I am glad you and your child are okay. Scary.
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Old 04-11-2015, 11:58 PM
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That is so scary.
A huge online market got taken down in the past couple of months. It was called SilkRoad. You may have heard of it.
The underpinnings of that market depended on anonymity. Which should be on demand for sensitive conversations. Like, for example, this one.
It is those drug dealers, their users, and their enablers who have endangered privacy for those who wish to simply have a conversation. They have hurt all of us.
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Old 04-12-2015, 05:29 PM
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Wth

He put you in a position where you could get into a lot of legal trouble. And your son us being exposed to DEA busting up in your home. I'm sorry this happened but I hope you take the experience as a red flag and make some moves to get uninvolved with a heroin addict who is so inconsiderate of the rest of his family. This blows my mind. I'm so so sorry.
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Old 04-12-2015, 05:41 PM
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even though I know for a fact he never had sold it to anyone ever and strictly used personally in secret

you must let go of this myth that you THOUGHT you knew ANYTHING about him. he has just proven that there is so much more you never would have even considered.....he ordered HEROIN to be delivered to your HOME!! the DEA doesn't bust in on a whim....he's been on their radar for a while. he has put you and that dear child DIRECTLY in harms way....you were forced to the ground by agents.....you could have been taz'd or shot. meanwhile your poor baby is left defenseless.

he isn't deserving of sympathy at this point. IMHO. I suggest you get an attorney, pronto.
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Old 04-12-2015, 05:49 PM
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periwinkle, I am so sorry.

For a guy who is a good person, good dad, and provider, he sure isn't thinking right. He could die from using. His child and you are being exposed to horrible experiences.

How do you know for sure that he does not distribute? Heroin addicts are not well and you cannot believe what they say. Let him suffer any consequences of the law that he has coming. He needs to learn some hard lessons, in order to be a truly good father and husband- and to remain living.

be strong and take care of yourself. keep posting. I am sure this hurts a lot, and there are many here who can relate.

hugs...
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Old 04-12-2015, 06:03 PM
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From what I know, most addicts that distribute do so to make money. We have our own business that has made enough to support us and his addiction, so he didn't have to turn to desperate measures to get his drugs. & the only reason the DEA assumed trafficking was because of the amount, & knowing everything about his use (he was open about his use and I have seen his stuff) I knew that his tolerance at times was super high and he liked to be stocked up for far in advance so there's no fear of running out suddenly and having nothing. I know there are things about him that are just like any other typical addict. But believe it or not, there are actually areas in which he is different.. But the situation he put us in was definitely not okay and I'm not planning on sweeping it under the rug. He already tapered down to a super low amount right before he got arrested (as I mentioned, because he was planning to switch to suboxone). So it's lucky for him that he didn't end up having super bad withdrawals while he's in jail over the weekend. Also what happened with the DEA, he hasn't been a person of interest or watched for a while. The seller from the Internet got busted and gave up his client list I guess. Again, doesn't make the situation that much better or okay at all. But yea.. Tomorrow we find out if he even gets bail or not.. If he does, he is planning to either go to rehab, or enroll in a suboxone program and stay with his parents where he can be surrounded by family.
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Old 04-12-2015, 06:17 PM
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Forgot to add: I also knew he wasn't selling because we were always together and especially lately he was always at home trying to stay occupied with other things... He was making an effort to get clean. I guess ordering it was like a last minute freak out about quitting and going through the pain of recovery. But like everyone says, there's not really much logic to an addicts actions sometimes.
His using was due to depression and loneliness and running into old friends at the wrong time and reconnecting.. He was never into any other criminal activity and remained a standup guy. Cut off all his old friends and contacts a while ago. Has just been struggling with personal use and thinking he can get clean on his own. Maybe this will finally be a wake up call for him to get professional help and stop thinking he can control his own addiction.
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Old 04-12-2015, 06:33 PM
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From my personal experience, everything a heroin addict tells you is further than the truth.

Hugs to you and I wish you peace.
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Old 04-12-2015, 07:13 PM
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It's VERY difficult to back off from heroin. I have never know anyone to taper off??

I wish you the best...hope you spend time protecting yourself and finding a way to continue support and education regarding drug use/enabling etc.

This has to be the most difficult thing....
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Old 04-12-2015, 10:45 PM
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Originally Posted by Txhelp View Post
It's VERY difficult to back off from heroin. I have never know anyone to taper off?? I wish you the best...hope you spend time protecting yourself and finding a way to continue support and education regarding drug use/enabling etc. This has to be the most difficult thing....
Yes, it definitely is.. He has done it on his own a couple of times though, tapering down and then going onto suboxone. He would last being clean for about a month and then have a relapse. So it has been possible in the past. & I think that's why he's so sure he can just do it without going to rehab. But I think now he needs to make a choice & realize that it has not worked so far.
Thank you.
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Old 04-12-2015, 10:48 PM
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Originally Posted by Jorgenss View Post
From my personal experience, everything a heroin addict tells you is further than the truth. Hugs to you and I wish you peace.
Yes, there definitely has been a lot of times where he hid stuff or lied. With him though surprisingly, whether it's a week or a month later, he ends up confessing everything because he can't handle lying or hiding anything from me. So I know what's going on most of the time. Still no way to live. & he knows that. & he knows that now he not only has to prove to me that he's gonna change, but to the courts as well. I hope the harsher accountability helps keep him in line, because I know he wants to be clean.
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Old 04-12-2015, 11:08 PM
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Originally Posted by Txhelp View Post
It's VERY difficult to back off from heroin. I have never know anyone to taper off??

I wish you the best...hope you spend time protecting yourself and finding a way to continue support and education regarding drug use/enabling etc.

This has to be the most difficult thing....
You can't. I tried for 6 months before surrendering to a professional detox. AH has never been able to do it at home. He has done it 3 times. Twice in rehab and once in jail. I've never seen it either. The substance abuse boards are overflowing with addicts trying to taper and getting stuck in the cycle. Suboxone is "almost clean" it's like having a medical card or a prescription, legal... yes. Clean? Well... That's a matter of opinion.

I would also suggest an attorney right away. my AH is serving 30 months for only less than 1 gram. You may have to prove you were not involved in anyway, and that you had no knowledge of what he was doing. The charges they could bring are astronomically devastating. Please take this seriously. He has put you in very real danger. I'm sorry I sound so negative. I just hope you are aware.
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Old 04-13-2015, 12:26 AM
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Sounds like this isn't yours or his bottom after all. More will be revealed, it always is!!
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Old 04-13-2015, 04:23 AM
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I think others are right--get some legal advice and take an honest look at your situation.

I'm glad you and the baby are safe, but your husband did put you both directly in harm's way.

Don't excuse that away.
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Old 04-13-2015, 07:41 AM
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Originally Posted by Lily1918 View Post
Suboxone is "almost clean" it's like having a medical card or a prescription, legal... yes. Clean? Well... That's a matter of opinion. I would also suggest an attorney right away.
He tapered off to suboxone, & then off of suboxone. So completely clean. Like I said it usually only lasted a month. But he has managed to do it a couple of times. He wasn't always using heroin. I think he actually managed to taper when he was still using mostly oxy? And just bits of heroin here and there. Then he got more into heroin and I think that's why now it hasn't been possible for him to quit.
But yes, we have a good lawyer. & I may sound calm, but that's because he's not here and I don't have to deal with the repercussions yet & I'm just trying to stay peaceful for the sake of my baby and give it up to God. I will be crushed if/when he has to do time. But if he does, then that's the consequences he has to face. & I told him, if he gets time, to not do anything stupid, & to do his end of getting better and serving his punishment if he wants his family to still be there when he gets out.
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