Angelscry

Co –dependency can also manifest itself in other areas of life.

I have been working at my current company for more than 5 years now. My boss has been very mean to me for almost as long as I have worked here. He is very manipulative and he is very demeaning and unapproachable and yet even though I knew such behavior normally only escalates I have stuck it out. Funny thing is early in 2010 when I realized things aren’t working out I was about to resign but then felt sorry for him and I stayed. I can figure him out exactly, he is kind and generous but then he also wants to know everything that goes on in my life. He is to close for comfort, he is gay so I know it’s not like he is in love or anything. He expects too much from me like I am not allowed to call in sick he told me I have to come in first then he will decide if I am sick enough to see a doctor then he will take me or buy me medication if I need it. If I am on leave or off sick I must keep my mobile on at all times so normally I just go to work as sick as a dog and just suffer. Its only after I started learning more about co-dependency that I began to understand why I am still sticking around even after all the jazz that he has put me through. He is moody type of person and everything depend on what type of mood he is in. Last year I actually lost it and I sort of spoke to him about what happened, I wrote him cause it’s not easy talking to him. I said that its best if we maintain a professional relationship, unfortunately he knows about my situation with AH . Any way he said that if that is what I want it won’t work then I should quit my job so I did not quit. Then came the written warnings for petty stuff like not making coffee for maintenance guys and not checking him in for weekend flights. When we eventually spoke he said he wants our relationship back to what it was because it is not fun for him to look for reasons to give me warnings all the time. He gives instructions then I do what he says only for him to come ask why I did it like that then I would say cause he asked me to only for him to say no he never did. Any way I am writing all this to just give an idea of how codependency in my case is not only limited to my personal life but also in my professional life. Because every time when I get another job offer I feel sorry for him, unbelievable I know, he belittles me treat me like I’m crazy and guess what? I still feel sorry for him and worry about how he is going to get along without me etc. So what do I do, I stay because of pity and misguided sense of loyalty and fear. But that has changed, I am not scared of him anymore and I am actively looking for new employment and have forwarded my resume to a few agencies and am hoping for a positive response. Oh and on Tuesday one of our neighbors in the building where we have our offices, spoke to me about a new venture that he is looking at and asked me if I was in the market. So things are looking good, and I am very glad that I am now starting to put myself and my needs first for a change.

ladyscribbler

Good for you. And thanks for this post. I know quite a few folks who think they "got rid of their problem" by kicking the alcoholic or addict to the curb (my mom being one). But that is the equivalent of "white knuckling" for us codies. We just perpetuate that dynamic in other relationships- kids, friendships, work, and don't address the underlying issues that led us to seek out an addict in the first place.
Glad to hear you are getting strong and healthy in your recovery. Hope the job search goes well. Sounds like it's definitely time for a change.

Angelscry

Ladyscribbler, It took me years to realise I had a problem and only now recently I could connect the dots and realize I am also a codie at work. I realized that the boss behaves that way because I have allowed and enabled it for far to long.