SilentLove

So here I am looking through apps on my phone to see if there are any unnecessary ones to delete. For some odd reason, I don't want to delete the SR app. It's been a long time since my break up and there's really no reason for me to keep coming on here. Can't pinpoint why I am reluctant. Perhaps I still want to learn more about the disease? Perhaps I still look for advice through others' posts? Ah, but I am over it, I think.....some days, I find myself on here looking for answers that I already know. Other days, I have the natural tendency to come on here for no reason at all. I must say, this has been the longest break up where I am still doing something that somehow connects to the ex. I want to press DELETE so my memory of that person could forever leave me!

chicory

We are always here, should you ever need or want to visit.

jjj111

SL, I think a lot of people first come here, or to AlAnon, or to recovery in general seeking to understand a loved one, and then end up sticking around to better understand themselves! I think even after breaking up with an addict, it remains useful to think about why we were drawn to the relationship, what red flags we missed, and how we can keep ourselves happier and healthier in the future. If we can learn something from a breakup, then at least there was something redeeming about it! I especially enjoy the inspirational posts that Ann and others share. I also hope that sharing my story with others will help them--it certainly helps me to process things. No shame in sticking around!

AnvilheadII

maybe because YOUR message will be just what the next newcomer needs to see??

SilentLove

You are all right!! I have learned a lot about myself and my tolerance for bs through these long months! so glad to have made it this far!!

Bellajack4

I hope I can say the same as you one day. Any words that can help me get through this hard times?

zoso77

If it were only that simple.

Some people are easier to carry than others. Recent events for me aside, I don't have an issue carrying my AXGF. And that's because I've put her in a place where she can no longer injure me.

But I do have someone I have a much harder time carrying. Went to a Sox game the other night, and while I drove into Boston the other night, I drove by a landmark where I shared a very tender, intimate moment with that person. And I can't drive by it without having memories of her being dug up. It kinda sucks, to be honest.

So, maybe we don't heal from some wounds. But we can adapt. And my hope for you is you can put the addict who hurt you in a place where you can move on with you life. And when you do, you can share how you did with a newcomer that is dealing with the same thing you dealt with.

Ann

I, for one, miss you when you are not around. You have courage and strength to share, your story may help someone else, and you are an inspiration to all who struggle with a loved one's addiction.

Maybe take a bad experience and turn it into something positive so others can learn from you.

Whatever you choose, it's good to see you.

Hugs

jason2

Sounds like you've reached that point where it is time to move on. Delete it and enjoy the rest of your happy life

SilentLove

Bellajack4 - I don't know what you are going through right at this moment, but I can assure you that everything will be alright in the end. It takes a lot out of us when we are taken to hell (or so it seems) and back. Believe in The Lord, pray, and ask for strength to carry on. He and those on this forum will help you as they did for me. Just take it one day at a time and before you know it, you're alright.

Zoso - you're right. I should put my ex in a place where he can no longer affect me in any way. I try to do that but when something reminds me of him, I cringe and those feelings come rushing back. i commend you for being able to do it with your ex considering how hurt you were.

Ann - I thought you would have forgotten about me! you make a good point about staying here to help others through their tough times as you guys did me. this is a wonderful place. I am glad I can come here to vent and not worry about how weak I may appear.

zoso77

It isn't easy. I just simply accept what I'm feeling at that particular moment, even when it sucks. And then I push forward. If I didn't push forward, I'd be stewing in old emotions, and I can't afford that.

Like I said, maybe this is a wound you don't heal from. But at least you can move forward with your life.

SilentLove

moving forward seems like the only option. stewing in old emotions makes no sense.

I had a dream of him last night. There was a meeting with people from headquarters and everyone gathered at our facility. One of my ex coworkers from that company sent me a long text telling me that she should have believed me when I told her about the crookedness/fakeness of the company/people. Some time later he and I were outside and we were hugging. He told me everyone he's dated after me didn't compare and that he had wish things hadn't gone so far.

I woke up and started freaking out. Thought it was real. maybe my subconscious was wishing that it was or something.

zoso77

I'll do one better.

One year ago this week, this particular ex walks into my office, doesn't look at me, doesn't acknowledge me, does something around the desk in back of mine for maybe 10 seconds, turns around and walks out without acknowledging my presence. True story.

When I look at the past behavior of my AXGF, I can call it Borderline, put a bow on it, and move on. But how do you describe someone that does something like I describe in a professional environment?

Geeez.

SilentLove

Hmmm.. That sounds like something my ex would do, to be honest. Actually he has done that! I'm not sure how one would describe that. I am not familiar with the borderline personality disorder. I simply call it bipolar lol.

zoso77

I call it "crackers".