Same Song Same Dance
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 261
Same Song Same Dance
Been a while since I have posted about my own situation but I read and acknowledge and feel all of the stories that I read. My lack of sharing is due to th embarrassment I carry for living in denial, enabling, and the endurance of emotional abuse. I moved with AH about 8 months ago and thought "This is it. If this doesn't help, I'm not trying anymore." The crack stopped but the use of xanax, percocet, morphine, and marijuana took it's place. Then, about a month ago, an old friend of my AH moved three miles down the road. He's been using cocaine for about a week now. Disappeared and lied about going into work just this past Monday. He was camped out at her house getting high till he ran out of money. So, I guess I'm moving again. Which is such a shame because I worked really hard to move in here and I love my home. In order to stay safe, I must leave though. If he knows where I live, I'm afraid he will break in and hurt me, my animals, or the few possessions I have accumulated. I'm writing this note to confirm that if an addict does not DO something about their addiction, do not believe they will eventually. That's all. Just want to share with people the reality of it all. It doesn't just go away because someone says it will.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: RICHMOND, va
Posts: 85
I'm so sorry for your loss, having to be uprooted and sorry you have to fear for your safety. But thank you for your advice. This site and the friends here are so supportive I don't know what state I would be in without you all.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I am sorry it ended this way, but I am glad you are getting away before you get hurt or financially ruined.
Words mean nothing, even actions need time to show they are sincere.
Better days are ahead for you, away from the darkness of addiction.
Hugs
Words mean nothing, even actions need time to show they are sincere.
Better days are ahead for you, away from the darkness of addiction.
Hugs
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
I am sorry Yogagurl. It's all so sad.
What I have come to realize is that NO credible relationship survives addiction unless they are both addicts. I truly believe that! Addicts, in recovery or not, understand what we can not. We just keep putting off the inevitable.
When my friend learned of her husband's addiction, although still legal, she made her plans to leave. She understood addiction and didn't believe husband words. She was right, she saved herself from all the insanity many of us had to endure.
What I have come to realize is that NO credible relationship survives addiction unless they are both addicts. I truly believe that! Addicts, in recovery or not, understand what we can not. We just keep putting off the inevitable.
When my friend learned of her husband's addiction, although still legal, she made her plans to leave. She understood addiction and didn't believe husband words. She was right, she saved herself from all the insanity many of us had to endure.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 35
Originally Posted by LoveMeNow 
What I have come to realize is that NO credible relationship survives addiction unless they are both addicts. I truly believe that! Addicts, in recovery or not, understand what we can not. We just keep putting off the inevitable.
i would hope that once i get well again, my family dont feel like that and discard me... not all addicts are the same.this is really hurtful to read.. i acknowledge the pain and suffering my addiction has caused to my loved ones, and i am working hard at making amends.. but with an outlook like that it seems pretty pointless
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 413
Confused.com, watching my partner sink into addiction has caused me unimaginable pain over the past few years. I know it's not personal, I know he didn't set out to intentionally hurt me, but that is the effect. I also know that I responsible for putting myself in this position. Now that I've been burned by touching the stove, I will be very careful about touching another one.
That said, I personally could be in a relationship with someone who has a significant amount of recovery under their belt. I am not perfect and I do believe that we all learn. But I will be very cautious in the future about giving addiction an opening into my life. Keep in mind that many of us on this side of the board have a real problem. We have a compulsion to fix people. We are drawn to addicts like honey, and it's very hard to let go. Our own veils of denial and need to fix get us into all kinds of trouble.
That said, I personally could be in a relationship with someone who has a significant amount of recovery under their belt. I am not perfect and I do believe that we all learn. But I will be very cautious in the future about giving addiction an opening into my life. Keep in mind that many of us on this side of the board have a real problem. We have a compulsion to fix people. We are drawn to addicts like honey, and it's very hard to let go. Our own veils of denial and need to fix get us into all kinds of trouble.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Originally Posted by Confuseddotcom
wow i didnt realise i was such a lost cause 
i would hope that once i get well again, my family dont feel like that and discard me... not all addicts are the same.
this is really hurtful to read.. i acknowledge the pain and suffering my addiction has caused to my loved ones, and i am working hard at making amends.. but with an outlook like that it seems pretty pointless
i would hope that once i get well again, my family dont feel like that and discard me... not all addicts are the same.this is really hurtful to read.. i acknowledge the pain and suffering my addiction has caused to my loved ones, and i am working hard at making amends.. but with an outlook like that it seems pretty pointless
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: PM me....
Posts: 468
I agree with CeCe.....
you are not a lost cause
just LMN's opinion.....
Accept or reject whatever works for you.
you are not a lost cause
just LMN's opinion.....
Accept or reject whatever works for you.
Last edited by YearForMe; 04-11-2014 at 12:24 PM. Reason: sorry..misread the original quote
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Confused, I posted to you on your other thread where you complained about this. I hope you read it, but I want to reiterate the point here..
Confused, you posted on a thread begun by someone who has been terribly hurt, emotionally, physically, financially and spiritually by the addicted loved one in their life. The responses on threads like that are often from people who too have literally had their lives destroyed.
They are posting in support of the original poster, they are sharing their own pain to show they understand.
The Family and Friends forum members have often been abused, financially ruined, lived in fear for years, arrested for the crimes committed by their loved ones and even lost their homes and children because their addicted loved one had drugs or stolen goods in the home. It's often the walking wounded who post and then those with more recovery post to share their own experience, strength and hope.
The posts were not about you, and not about any other addicts here, recovered or not, each was referring to their own situation and addicted loved one.
Please don't take it personally, it was never intended to be.
They are posting in support of the original poster, they are sharing their own pain to show they understand.
The Family and Friends forum members have often been abused, financially ruined, lived in fear for years, arrested for the crimes committed by their loved ones and even lost their homes and children because their addicted loved one had drugs or stolen goods in the home. It's often the walking wounded who post and then those with more recovery post to share their own experience, strength and hope.
The posts were not about you, and not about any other addicts here, recovered or not, each was referring to their own situation and addicted loved one.
Please don't take it personally, it was never intended to be.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
If he knows where I live, I'm afraid he will break in and hurt me, my animals, or the few possessions I have accumulated.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 35
oh and yes, i do apologize sincerely to the OP for having butted in like this. That was not right on my part; you really do have to make yourself safe, first and foremost.
i guess it is because i am not, i don't know it is the right term, dangerous and I certainly did not think about this from the point that some addicts really are a danger to others (and themselves).
Please accept my apology and thank you to Ann for your very kind words. I think that maybe I am not ready for this raw truth although it is an eye opener to see the other side of the pain, I am truly sorry that someone else's poor choices (like mine) have caused you so much hurt and pain. Please be safe!
i guess it is because i am not, i don't know it is the right term, dangerous and I certainly did not think about this from the point that some addicts really are a danger to others (and themselves).
Please accept my apology and thank you to Ann for your very kind words. I think that maybe I am not ready for this raw truth although it is an eye opener to see the other side of the pain, I am truly sorry that someone else's poor choices (like mine) have caused you so much hurt and pain. Please be safe!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 261
Dear all - thank you for taking the time to read what I have posted - I hope that my experience may serve as an illustration to others that we are not alone in our thoughts and delusions that the sickness will just go away. If you are feeling absolutely desperate in your attempts to "take care" of the addict in your life because "it's not their fault they have this disease," you again are not alone.
Confused - I am not easily offended, so no apology needed, but thank you. I have been on the other side of the fence, working a recovery (I'm a recovering alcoholic) and I know how painful it is when you are attempting to mend broken trust, broken friendships, and also deal with the feelings that arise from sobriety in general. I was there and I didn't have a forum to share those things with. If I read what is posted in the "friends and family" forum back then, I believe that it would have been that much harder for me and I would have responded the same way you did. Take care of you. I wish you success, prosperity, and quick healing in your recovery. I'm glad to hear you are making the efforts.
Love and light to all.
Please accept my apology and thank you to Ann for your very kind words. I think that maybe I am not ready for this raw truth although it is an eye opener to see the other side of the pain, I am truly sorry that someone else's poor choices (like mine) have caused you so much hurt and pain. Please be safe!
Love and light to all.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 793
You keep yourself safe, Yogagurl! I am sorry for your pain & struggles, but see that you have grown immensely in the process. Sometimes that has to be what it is in the end, a process towards discovering what we can and cannot accept of ourselves and those we love, addicted or not. You take good care. Sending wishes out for your next home--that it will be even more lovely than the one you now have to leave.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
I just want to say you are not alone, and even when you want to be quiet, remember there's no judgement here. Also, if I've ever felt judged... the mods took care of it right away.
we have all been there. Some of us are still there.
hugs.
we have all been there. Some of us are still there.
hugs.
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