Is it healthy....
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Me too, in life in general I will take on no more "fixer uppers".
Actually this is a good analogy, Mr. Ann hit a deer yesterday and the car very well may be a write off. Since we just bought a new car (our other one), I was thinking about a used car instead of putting the money out for a new one...what WAS I thinking, I would just be taking on someone else's troubles.
Thanks LMN, and my car salesman thanks you too.
I am heading to the body shop at 8 am, so your advice is right on time as usual.
Actually this is a good analogy, Mr. Ann hit a deer yesterday and the car very well may be a write off. Since we just bought a new car (our other one), I was thinking about a used car instead of putting the money out for a new one...what WAS I thinking, I would just be taking on someone else's troubles.
Thanks LMN, and my car salesman thanks you too.
I am heading to the body shop at 8 am, so your advice is right on time as usual.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
Hi LMN,
timely post and an interesting concept. We do hear about "the addict" and "the person" a whole lot. That IS splitting and I believe that it begins to be unhealthy for me to think about someone that way. Because of my own issues, I always want to see the good. The concept of splitting allows me to justify trying trying and trying some more.
The fact is, those two entities live in the same body. And inherently, the addict can be a partner that is very unsafe emotionally.
That whole "disease thing" is a tough one for me too. Even if it IS a disease it does not mean that you are not responsible for managing it. I have pre-diabetes. I know that if I don't eat properly and exercise I will develop full blown diabetes. I have a "disease" but I have a whole lot of responsibility to keep my disease from progressing. I don't know. Like I said....I do struggle over that.
I know that even 3 years later I still struggle over the good parts (few and far between that they were) of my ex husband. I still split him and I know that is NUTS! He is involved with his beautiful new girlfriend and I can get really good about making up how things are between them. My head knows that it is a matter of time for things to evolve with them but my heart has him all split into the charming and beguiling side of him.
So who knows? I certainly don't but it does help me to see this in black and while and it does help me to stay a little bit more sane. I'd venture to say that he thinks about me a whole lot less than I think about him. I think that I'm still getting over the trauma though. I'm looking forward to the day that I don't think about either of the sides of him.
You are a wise woman LMN. I'm thinking about you!
timely post and an interesting concept. We do hear about "the addict" and "the person" a whole lot. That IS splitting and I believe that it begins to be unhealthy for me to think about someone that way. Because of my own issues, I always want to see the good. The concept of splitting allows me to justify trying trying and trying some more.
The fact is, those two entities live in the same body. And inherently, the addict can be a partner that is very unsafe emotionally.
That whole "disease thing" is a tough one for me too. Even if it IS a disease it does not mean that you are not responsible for managing it. I have pre-diabetes. I know that if I don't eat properly and exercise I will develop full blown diabetes. I have a "disease" but I have a whole lot of responsibility to keep my disease from progressing. I don't know. Like I said....I do struggle over that.
I know that even 3 years later I still struggle over the good parts (few and far between that they were) of my ex husband. I still split him and I know that is NUTS! He is involved with his beautiful new girlfriend and I can get really good about making up how things are between them. My head knows that it is a matter of time for things to evolve with them but my heart has him all split into the charming and beguiling side of him.
So who knows? I certainly don't but it does help me to see this in black and while and it does help me to stay a little bit more sane. I'd venture to say that he thinks about me a whole lot less than I think about him. I think that I'm still getting over the trauma though. I'm looking forward to the day that I don't think about either of the sides of him.
You are a wise woman LMN. I'm thinking about you!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
