eggdogg1234

I am having a hard time with acceptance and closure right now. I can't seem to accept the closure of my relationship with the addict in my life. I find issues popping up that are preventing me from being happy in a relationship with someone else. I feel like damaged goods. Guilt, fear, hopelessness come out of nowhere when I have fun with my new partner. My mind always throws up a picture of my ex in a dark room crying whenever I feel happy without her.

Its a tough pill but instead of swallowing it, I seem to keep chopping it up into smaller pieces and taking it bit by bit. So I just wanted to see if any of the sages around here have struggled with acceptance and closure long after the drama is gone...in particular dealing with this type of baggage in a new and non-toxic relationship.

Praying

Is it any solace that the pieces get smaller each time? That's sure what I think happens to me. Those darn pieces regurgitate, you chew on them and they go back down. Ride the wave again. I do think that's healing, and I can tell in myself they get smaller as time passes. What catches me off guard are the new ones that surface periodically. I think...really? Really?!? Couldn't we have dealt with this sooner?

Then I remind myself that my precious brain spent two decades building protections, and it has a whole bowl of memories and issues it's slowly going to feed me as I'm ready until I've processed them all.

Sometimes it makes me crazy. Other times I see the progress. Most often it's my friends who point out "look how far you've come".

So look how far you've come. And try to be patient with your clever brain. I believe if you want it you will eventually have it. But first you have to eat your gruel.

I'm not the person whose post you wanted, but I'm interested to hear them too!

eggdogg1234

I am pretty sure your post is what I wanted. The pieces have gotten much smaller but they taste almost exactly the same. That icky feeling is just as strong but not as long. Sometimes, however, it just pops up seemingly out of blue. It can get frustrating like my mind is being vindictive.

9111111

I think both addict and FF get damaged from living with addiction. For me it was hard to realize that while I had a choice over becoming a collateral damage or not, there is still nothing I can do about healing the damaged addict in their empty sad space.

To cope with the aftermath of addiction it takes a huge painpill to swallow. I can see how I could feel guilty to take a pill that is supposed to make me feel better and not keep some crumbs in hope to share them with the addict to take away their sadness.

I can also see how having to swallow such a huge pill would make me feel guilty - big damage requires big pills, and the only one who is responsible for letting the damage happen is me.

hopeful4

You have to understand it is grief. You have to allow yourself to go through those stages, you lost someone you love. Once the grief subsides, it will not keep popping up and kicking you when you don't expect it. It will come to end stages and you will move on with your life in a postivie way, but only if you allow it to happen and understand what it is. Don't fight it, feel it and move on to positive things. Allow your mind to wrap around that you still hurt sometimes and that is ok.

Big Hugs..you can do this.