I finally understand.....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
I have learned
-you cannot do a damn thang to save them!
- I don't need him to be happy
- addiction destroys
-I like myself
- I now know what it means to be an adult and be responsible
- I know what I want in my next relationship
- He was addict for years, I just never realized it.
- Our marriage was immature and childish.
-you cannot do a damn thang to save them!
- I don't need him to be happy
- addiction destroys
-I like myself
- I now know what it means to be an adult and be responsible
- I know what I want in my next relationship
- He was addict for years, I just never realized it.
- Our marriage was immature and childish.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
I have learned:
1)addiction sux
2)Having a BS degree does NOT fullfill the
matriculation requirements of a degree in BS!
DON'T stick around for the long course
(Master of Disaster and Doctorate of Distress)
3)stay away from this crap and all that are infected
by it. You cannot make diseased people well ---
all you can do when you breach the containment/
isolation ward is CATCH what they've got.
4) Thank those of SR for their kindness and understanding
when you came to them at a very difficult time.
1)addiction sux
2)Having a BS degree does NOT fullfill the
matriculation requirements of a degree in BS!
DON'T stick around for the long course
(Master of Disaster and Doctorate of Distress)
3)stay away from this crap and all that are infected
by it. You cannot make diseased people well ---
all you can do when you breach the containment/
isolation ward is CATCH what they've got.
4) Thank those of SR for their kindness and understanding
when you came to them at a very difficult time.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 413
The saying that finally woke me up was:
"There are no victims, only volunteers."
Took me ages to get my mind around this one, as of course I WAS a victim of my partner's addiction -- in my mind I was the collateral damage -- and how dare anyone imply that I was volunteering to be a part of the dynamic!
But of course I WAS volunteering to stay and to play the helper ... um ... enabler ... um ... martyr ..... maybe not at first, but once I really knew what was going on, it was then on me to take care of myself, and my own fault that I didn't.
Of course if there are kids, then they certainly aren't volunteering, but that's even more reason for the sober parent to take protective action.
"There are no victims, only volunteers."
Took me ages to get my mind around this one, as of course I WAS a victim of my partner's addiction -- in my mind I was the collateral damage -- and how dare anyone imply that I was volunteering to be a part of the dynamic!
But of course I WAS volunteering to stay and to play the helper ... um ... enabler ... um ... martyr ..... maybe not at first, but once I really knew what was going on, it was then on me to take care of myself, and my own fault that I didn't.
Of course if there are kids, then they certainly aren't volunteering, but that's even more reason for the sober parent to take protective action.
●▬๑۩۩๑▬●
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,405
They say a baby’s personality is formed before they are a year old. Now add on decades of things we thought we knew to be true. And, now you realize that some/lots of your thinking needs to be changed. Do ya really think a major life-change is going to happen over-night? It takes time, practice, and more time.
Now, if you would have just listened to me 2 freaking years ago, you would have already been through all this messy stuff and on the other side. But, noooo…you just had to do it your way. <said in total sarcasm so all defenders please stand down>
Now, if you would have just listened to me 2 freaking years ago, you would have already been through all this messy stuff and on the other side. But, noooo…you just had to do it your way. <said in total sarcasm so all defenders please stand down>
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 2,249
Lovemenow, fabulous post!! I cannot add anything to what has already been written but wonderful posts full of great sayings (and advice!). I was thinking the same thing Hopeful4 was-always believe your gut! Hope these help many of the newcomers. We all learn at our own pace and have different stories although all similar!
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by cynical one 
They say a baby’s personality is formed before they are a year old. Now add on decades of things we thought we knew to be true. And, now you realize that some/lots of your thinking needs to be changed. Do ya really think a major life-change is going to happen over-night? It takes time, practice, and more time.
Now, if you would have just listened to me 2 freaking years ago, you would have already been through all this messy stuff and on the other side. But, noooo…you just had to do it your way. <said in total sarcasm so all defenders please stand down>
Now, if you would have just listened to me 2 freaking years ago, you would have already been through all this messy stuff and on the other side. But, noooo…you just had to do it your way. <said in total sarcasm so all defenders please stand down>
You're right, so right. Sigh, lol.
Do you have any good stock tips, the winning lottery numbers....anything?? I will take ANYTHING.
(How many others will regret not listening and admit it? Now that's the question of the night.
)
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
"Expectations are premeditated resentments" helped me get back to my actions and reactions, not others.
"When I change the way I look at things, the things I look at change" is one that rebalances me when I start down a negative path.
"When I change the way I look at things, the things I look at change" is one that rebalances me when I start down a negative path.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
Originally Posted by cynical one
Vale,
Warning: Pooh and Yellow M&M are off-limits...don't go there.
Warning: Pooh and Yellow M&M are off-limits...don't go there.
There I will not go!
Vale is smart enough not to pee on electrified fences....
(......and it didn't take ALL THAT MANY TRIES for him
to figure it out!)
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by Needabreak
The saying that finally woke me up was:
"There are no victims, only volunteers."
Took me ages to get my mind around this one, as of course I WAS a victim of my partner's addiction -- in my mind I was the collateral damage -- and how dare anyone imply that I was volunteering to be a part of the dynamic!
But of course I WAS volunteering to stay and to play the helper ... um ... enabler ... um ... martyr ..... maybe not at first, but once I really knew what was going on, it was then on me to take care of myself, and my own fault that I didn't.
Of course if there are kids, then they certainly aren't volunteering, but that's even more reason for the sober parent to take protective action.
"There are no victims, only volunteers."
Took me ages to get my mind around this one, as of course I WAS a victim of my partner's addiction -- in my mind I was the collateral damage -- and how dare anyone imply that I was volunteering to be a part of the dynamic!
But of course I WAS volunteering to stay and to play the helper ... um ... enabler ... um ... martyr ..... maybe not at first, but once I really knew what was going on, it was then on me to take care of myself, and my own fault that I didn't.
Of course if there are kids, then they certainly aren't volunteering, but that's even more reason for the sober parent to take protective action.
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