Twofish

Dear Jend, Yes I believe you, that she hasn't used, yet. It's so sad but don't let this eat away at you, like it did me. It takes so long to heal and we arn't even addicted to drugs, just our girls. Mine got up and went back to bed when the Pastor came over to visit her, not to talk God to her, he is concerned about the injuries she got from the accident. I was so embarrassed. He understood. It's funny how some people don't judge and understand. He was more concerned about me after she ignored him. I still cringe at the memory of the embarrassing moment. Got to let it go...Hugs to you as always! TF

hopeful4

Jend...I am so sorry but so glad to hear you sticking to your boundaries for your own sanity.

Hugs.

Jend719

So I haven't heard from my daughter in days. Of course the bad thoughts start rumbling in my head. My mind is racing and running away with me. In the meantime my AS has screwed up again and hubby has yet to deal with it. Very quick to deal AD but slower with AS. He needs to go too. I can't take this anymore. Then AD calls me because she has nowhere to go and is about to be dropped off in town to wander around. I ask her why she didn't talk to the counselor that came to the house on Tuesday, hasn't she learned anything? I ask her what she wants from me...to be her soft place to land, only when she's desperate? To be a crash pad in between binges? WhT do you want from me?
Her answer: you don't support and encourage me enough!

How can she say this? I have bent over backwards for far too long, gone to every court date, taken all her jail phone calls, sent her a bible, commissary money, thermals, rehab after rehab, outpatient after outpatient, the list goes on.

I'm just second guessing everything I guess. And now fighting with hubby besides. I'm disgusted.

lizwig

I'm sorry Jend....I have come to believe it doesn't matter what we do. It will never be enough in their eyes. They typically want someone to place blame on and we are easy targets. My son used to only want quick fixes, not solutions. Still doesn't want solutions....just wants to moan about how awful his life is. He's still in the mindset someone is going to come along and fix him. Our kids have everything they need inside themselves to fix this...they simply aren't ready to. It is really discouraging when we are in disagreement with our partners on how to handle things. Adds another whole layer. Hang in there...

needingabreak

Im sorry you are having such a rough time Jend.
I agree with Liz though. No matter what we do they have to have someone to blame and it sure cannot be themselves. I think, too, they expect us to always be there to fix everything for them and when we dont they do not know what to do so lashing out seems to be the next stage after begging and pleading with being nice and sweet. It is very tough to deal with and wears you out.
Know you have done everything you can but you cannot enable just because they want something. I think you are doing a great job at keeping that very fine line between help and enabling.
Sounds like you need a good day to yourself to take care of you. Dont forget to do that! Hugs.

Pamel

Jend (and Twofish), I have been following your threads and others for quite some time now (selfishly in part, to remind myself why I want to stay sober), but also to forgive myself for becoming the person in the "Exorcist" who needed to be freed from the devil. I am not religious, but I can tell you that we addicts are not "them" (as we are oft referred to) but very sick people, as long as we are active.

However, and this is the big one, when we are "under the influence" there is not a darned thing our loved ones can do to save us after they have tried the obvious: rehabs, therapists, etc. and help for yourselves in the form of clergy or -anon programs.

The pain I caused my BF of many years is astonishing to me because I AM NOT THAT PERSON and yet there it is: I did it. Somehow, I am sober again, and am working very hard at staying that way, but had I not had some awful "yets" as AA calls them: arrests, DUIs, a night (lucky, only one) in jail, and now probation, I would not have the chance I now have to stay sober. THANK GOODNESS I wasn't saved by a husband, or someone with money and endless patience, or parents (mine are long dead)… I don't think I would be sober this evening.

Sigh. Big hugs to all of you.