forgedbyfear

Hi..
New here....just trying to find an outlet where people "get it"
My son is an 18 heroine addict.
He is in deep....many layers to the issue at hand. He has many legal issues he is currently facing and has decided to sell his soul to the devil. Turn into a CI for state in "hopes" to have his sentence dropped or reduced. All against the attorneys advice. He is held up in a weekly hotel with girlfriend...strung out on drugs. He is currently working both sides of the coin.

We have no idea where he is.....all contact at all. We have cut the cord. taken the car and cut off $$...

He is out on 2 bonds for 2 separate issues and is continuing to sell drugs and use as well as roll these big time dealers.

He is 1000000% out of control. The story goes on and is so much to share....it's a nightmare. Stealing, lying, cheating, manipulating, expelled from school, legal issues out the ying yang, bills mounting.

I am going out of my mind....sick(physically vomiting, stomach issues), sleep deprived and the anxiety is paralyzingly...

He did do a 54 day stint in rehab in Florida and 4 days detox....all to get out do "fairly" we'll for a month or so. But within 3 months he had relapsed....this time the legal issues mounting.

Now Christmas 2 days away and he is MIA.

We are considering hiring an interventionist to try as a last ditch effort.

Any experience or thoughts on this?? It is pricy, but at this point $ is not the issue....saving his life and protecting him from his on downward spiral and ultimately DEATH!

Thoughts?

Also the daunting task of trying to find another treatment center...
I have been researching all weekend....any success stories with treatment centers.

Willing to send him to any area of the country....the further away the better.

I appreciate any and all suggestions.

Hope others will have a Happy Holiday!

Forged

deeker

Just want to say I feel so bad for you. I will pray for him. That is devastating.

trudgingagain

FBF...been there, done that...my daughter was 19 when this all started....she is now 25 and not much has changed. Spent the last 6 years trying to fix/save her....money was not an issue during those times....wish I had known then, what I know now...NO amount of money can help her until SHE wants help. She is MIA also....somewhere on the streets of Los Angeles....college graduate, had the "world by the tail"....gave it all away to heroin and now meth. Gotta say that I put her in rehab "far away" from her using friends at age 19....looking back, I think I should have 1) put her in a rehab near where she lived so that she could maintain connections once she got out; 2) kept her in rehab longer....bottom line...somewhere inside of me, I KNEW she wasn't done....and she still isn't....It is tough at this time of year....my heart is breaking....I am sure yours is too....Think about taking care of yourself though, and try not to become addicted to his addiction....all the best.

Kindeyes

Forged
This is a particularly tough time on a mother's heart. My son is now 32. His problems with drugs really started when he was around 16. Intervention. In and out of rehabs. But he is using again. It is heartbreaking.

During the early years of his addiction we tried everything. And put a lot of love, effort, and money toward trying to help him escape the grasp of addiction. And I got sick. Real sick. Serious digestive issues.....which I attribute to worry. The worry nearly killed me (ruptured colon). I am now minus all of my descending and half of my transverse colon. Addiction affects those close to them often in very damaging ways.

We do whatever we need to do as parents to live with ourselves as we deal with the addiction of our adult children. Eventually.....I had to realize that until he wants to help himself more than anything......he will stay trapped in his addiction. What to do.......

I had to eventually come to the conclusion that I needed to help myself. My son's addiction was winning.....it wasn't only threatening his life......it was threatening mine.

I found help through private counseling and Nar-Anon. I work the program I wish my son would work. It hasn't gotten him clean and sober but it has helped me. It has also helped him from the standpoint that I can interact with him in a much healthier way for both of us.

I still have hope that he will find a way back to recovery but in the meantime.....I'm trying to keep myself in a place of serenity and acceptance.

You are not alone.

gentle hugs
ke

EnglishGarden

Do you attend Nar-Anon? The meeting in my area has many parents of young heroin addicts. And these parents come into the meeting for the first time just as you are today....sick to their stomachs, thin, pale, shaky, and without hope. They return, week after week, month after month, year after year, and they change. Their faces begin to glow with life again, they speak with conviction and clarity, they turn over their loved one to a higher power, they hold the hands of other distraught parents, and they prove to everyone in the room that a change in the parent can often bring about a change in the addict, for when the parents got serious about their own recovery and stuck with it, many times the addict eventually entered recovery as well.

If you do not get out of your house and out of your spinning head, you will continue to be sick, and recovery in the family will be unrealized, which lessens the chances there will be recovery for the addict.

The meeting may not be perfect. But going, faithfully, deliberately, talking to other parents and supporting other parents, this is a powerful statement to the demon addiction. And all the while, something inside you will gradually be changing. You will come to a place of acceptance. You will release the burden of trying to control outcomes. You will think with more clarity, and when you are not thinking clearly, you will have others in recovery to call and talk things through.

You need very much not to be alone in this. Addiction is stronger when it isolates the family. If you google Nar-Anon and your state, you will find a meeting. Go. No excuses. Every week. Be of service to others. Things will begin to change.

KeepinItReal

I am married to a heroin addict.

It's vicious and chronic relapse is part of it. Right now i'm waiting for him to get into a 14+ month program. It's self funded so it will not cost me anything.

Trying to convince someone they have a problem.. is half the battle. Heroin is an evil demon and no amount of money can pay for it to go away.

Raider

Forged, I have no advice. I'm sorry. Hurt to read your post. I cannot imagine what you are feeling. I have prayers and sending them your way.

elissa1962

You have received some awesome advice here. I hope you take it. Take care of you and the rest will fall into place. I know how you feel. Throwing money at the problem will not fix it. If it did, this board would be empty. Prayers for you and your son.

crazybabie

((((Forged)))) You got wise advice above... I just wanted to say I am glad you found us and sorry for the reasons. Keep posting you never walk alone here.

hopeful4

Praying for you and your family. I cannot imagine how hard it has to be. I second Naranon or Celebrate Recovery. You need face to face support for you.

Hugs.

starfish401

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this, so close to the holidays.

I, too, started my addiction to heroin young (age 17), and in hindsight, I can see all the hell I put my family through. They, like you, were willing to go to any lengths, spend any amount of money, do anything they possibly had to do, to get me clean. Unfortunately, no matter how many times they "forced" me to rehab, took away my car, cut off the financial assistance, kicked me out of the house... I still found the ways and means to use drugs.

I don't mean to be a downer. Depending where you live, there are a few options for you as far as sending your son to treatment. In Massachusetts, they have what is called a Section 35, where you petition the court to send a loved one to treatment for 30 days. Your son would be escorted to a state run treatment center by police. I know many other states have similar laws.

You mention that you're willing to send him anywhere in the country. A few reputable rehabs that focus on youth (that I/my family has direct experience with):

Hazelden Youth and Family Center - Minnesota - Runs detox, inpatient, outpatient, sober living (can last up to 6 months or more)

Betty Ford Young Adult Program - California - Detox, inpatient, IOP (minimum stay of 90 days; most stay 120+)

Newport Academy - California - Inpatient treatment, large focus on schooling (60 days - 18 months)

Four Circles Wilderness Program - North Carolina - This is a wilderness program, large focus on connecting with nature and the self. My parents sent me here at age 18, and though I didn't stay clean afterwards, I do credit Four Circles with a large portion of what I do know today. Program alternates between time spent at "base" (doing stepwork, showers, group therapy etc.) and on "hikes" (backpacking, pitching tents, cooking over a fire, building a fire, etc.). It is very therapeutic and rugged. (Avg. stay 6-8 months)

Most of these programs take insurance, or are willing to work with you on payments. I commend you for reaching out. You are not alone!

BoxinRotz

Until he's done, he's not done. I am so sorry for what you are going through. Your focus should be on you and your recovery.

needingabreak

So sorry to read what you are going through forged and I wish there were an easy answer. My heart breaks reading your story. My husband and I believe my son's addiction has taken years off of our lives and aged us. We learned we could not control his addiction nor force him to do anything. Trying to control it certainly didnt work no matter how much I tried and it wore me out. I hope you can find some help and get him to agree to treatment. Many prayers being sent your way.

allforcnm

Im sorry for what brings you here. I would suggest you talk to your family doctor about your physical and emotional symptoms, possibly get a referral for some therapy. This is what I used and found it most beneficial. Your situation sounds very volatile and your emotions are understandable, but you cannot help him or anyone if you do not take care of yourself first & find what balance you can in the situation.

For our addicted loved ones I feel their best hope is professional treatment. Unfortunately the disease of addiction can become a chronic problem and multiple treatments are often necessary. I think we as family need to understand this when we begin the process. I cant advise about an intervention in your sons case, but in general I support professional interventions, or the use of non-confrontational interventions because the goal should be to stop the fall ASAP, stop the progression of addiction ….as it makes lasting recovery more likely. National Institute of Drug Abuse calls the theory of "rock bottom" a myth because as you stated above, the bottom can be death.

My husband’s primary addition was to opiate based pain meds; his rehab was 90 days and then he followed up with private therapy. He has been clean now for about 20 months. In my husbands case, he had been using and addicted for only a little over a year, but I think he needed the 90 days inpatient. I sort of cringe when I hear people talk of 14 days, 28 days because I fear in most cases it is just not enough time to recover from a long term addiction especially if there are underlying issues at play. I would look for a rehab that offers a lot in the way of psychotherapy, cognitive behavior therapy as it will likely serve him well when he is released. My husband went to a non 12 step rehab in Southern California. If you are interested then please send me a private message & I will share more with you. (For privacy reason I wont post about it on the forum wall).

I also know a family who sent their daughter (22) to St Jude Retreat for an addiction to opiates. She was there about 6 months, and has now been home for about 4 months, is doing well, back in college hopefully to finish in the Spring. She has nothing but good things to say about their program, and from what I understand it focuses on the whole person, not just the addiction.


Your family will be in my prayers tonight and through this Holiday Season.

YouWillBe

In my experience getting them into rehab or treatment without them reeeeeeeaaaaalllly wanting it is an exercise in futility. As my husband says: might as well just throw hundred dollar bills into the fireplace all night long. It will help her not one bit, but at least we'll get a little heat.

They have to be ready and wanting it so badly they can think of nothing else. Going through the program WILL give them some tools to use and the message might sink in somewhere in the deep depths...but until they want it, they won't use it.

All you can, honestly, do is take care of yourself and make sure he knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that when he's ready all he has to do is shout.

zoso77

Welcome to the Board.

I think you have to do something you don't want to do. And that's let go and allow whatever is supposed to happen to happen.

Dealing with children that have addiction issues is out of my depth. But there are a lot of us here that have gone through what you're going through. And without stealing their thunder, I think what they have in common is they've found a way to continue with their lives regardless of what their children are doing. That's not an easy thing to do. Find their posts, read them, and make connections with them. It may save your sanity.

Sorry about what brought you here, but I'm really, really happy you found us.

ZoSo

SeekingGrowth

I am a fan of well-run professional interventions and believe they can often "raise the bottom" for an addict. I am on the board of an addiction treatment agency, and our CEO is skilled at interventions. Also, I agree that a requirement for lasting recovery is a strong desire for recovery on the part of the addict. However, that desire need not necessarily be fully manifest at the start of an inpatient treatment program. I've seen quite a few addicts enter treatment full of trepidation and ambivalence, but become fully committed during the program.

Addiction is a chronic relapsing disease. It often takes multiple rounds of treatment before recovery sticks. I recently read that the average number of times an addict enters treatment before achieving long-term recovery is 5. A colleague of mine's son is a heroin addict who was in various treatment facilities multiple times. He finally achieved lasting recovery after a 90 day stay at English Mountain Recovery in Tennessee, followed by six months in a sober living house in the vicinity - all far away from his home in Michigan. The young man is in his mid 20's and in college now,

So sorry for what you are going through. My son was a heroin addict too, and I know your heartbreak. I hope things turn around soon for him, and for you. Sending hugs and prayers your way.

neferkamichael

Forgedbyfear, I am so sorry you are going through this, I don't wish it on your family for any reason. I read a story about a father and mother who had an addicted child and they hired an interventionist as a last ditch effort to help their child and wound up being charged with attempted kidnapping and a whole host of other serious charges as well. Please consult a lawyer before you try that. Rootin for ya.

Upsetnneedhelp

My heart goes out to you. The fact that he is working with law enforcement is mind boggling and extremely dangerous. Law enforcement does not have his best interests in mind and do not care. They are working him to further their cases. Please, get him in any rehab as fast as possible. Any rehab is better than where he is at.

forgedbyfear

Thanks for all the words or encouragement....love and prayers!
I can relate to each and ever post.....
I have been an active member of Al anon for months.....but have not acquired a sponsor.
I think that is my next step...for ME!!!

Today has been extremely daunting and frustrating to say the least....
We met with local interventionist....discussed a plan. Then started the task at hand of finding the right treatment center with the best clinical work in regards to his situation.
Things were looking UP.....until I started the verification of benefits with insurance.
I have CIGNA....and had it when he went to the last treatment center.....but I am en educator And the entire states insurance is changing Jan 1... To Blue Cross blue Shield.
And I get the FAB news that they DO NOT COVER residential treatment.....it has been excluded from the group policy. I am again trapped by all the BS...I feel like everything things seem to be making progress.....2 steps are taken back.

So no need to hire an interventionist if we can not get him in treatment. We are in this to date for about 30K.....I honestly do not have the resources to put another 20-30K into treatment.

I had a complete breakdown on the phone with the lady from Blue Cross....I know she did not know what to think. But I just can not believe they could exclude that type of treatment from the policy. SEEMS illegal...since addiction is a diagnosed disease.

They do not exclude chemo or dyalis

So now the daunting task is to find a treatment center that bills as detox, IOP or OP but is residential.

HELP.....sounds a bit like insurance fraud.....but I hear they are out there....

Anyone know if one??? Two, five, ten???

On a side note...get a text from son this am that he is very sick and what should he do??
Hoping, and wishing and praying that he reaches further out for our help. they are out of $$ and have burned a lot of bridges....I know the withdrawals are setting in....

Christmas Miracle....he ask for help!!
Baring the insurance issue, we will do all we can.

Much love for all your caring!

forged