amberrosejanusz

Hello all, so iv'e posted on here quite a few times by now. Anywho, my boyfriend is a recovering heroin addict and he's been clean for about two and a half months. When he came back from rehab he moved out and got very distant as the time started to pass.. but i put through with it because it's what he needed for his recovery.

It's been rough, i'm not gonna lie. I think the most frustrating part is that he's going through PAWS. His paws is a little different than a lot of peoples... he's not anxious, he doesn't have mood swings or depression... in fact he has no emotions what so ever. Which is why it's so hard to get close to him, i know they'll all come back in time though, so while it is hard to deal with it i know we'll get through it.

Things have been starting to get better, he's becoming more attentive to my feelings and my desires again. He barely talked to me at first and wouldn't even answer my phone calls at first. Now, he texts me back regularly and has been answering my calls again.. and will sit and talk to me for like.. an hour at a time. Which makes me feel like i can confide in him again. I see small improvements with him quite often now, which is making me hopeful.

Yesterday he started getting distant out of no-where or so i thought. Since he moved back in with his parents and my family kind of does their own thing, iv'e been alone a lot. So, i decided that i'm gonna start hanging out with people to keep my sanity. I told him i was hanging out with one of my friends that he doesn't necessarily like because she gets us into bad situations a lot.. i still find her a good person with bad judgement though. I was lonely and bored so i wanted to do something with someone and i didn't want to pressure him into seeing me if he didn't want to.

So, once he found out he got really quiet with me.. i asked him if he was alright.. and he said yeah.. then the next day i asked again and he said yeah.. then suddenly brought up the subject of why i was with her.. and then said he thinks i shouldn't spend time with people like that.. then said never mind i don't care and said don't come running to me if something happens... then he brought it up again two more times yesterday.

So, i explained in detail that i know who she is and how to avoid those situations but i don't think it's just me but i believe that that was an emotion. I don't think it was jealousy as much as it was worry for my safety because at first he said it didn't bother him. He just didn't know why i'd see her, then i told him i think he's feeling something at first and he shouldn't try to suppress the emotions.. So i called him and he will only see me twice a week and hasn't even slept over in a month but he did yesterday.. i think that set of events triggered something in him.. I believe that was the first emotion i've truly seen out of him since before he left for rehab.

I'm trying to be an optimist in this situation. I'm not looking at the type of emotion it was because we already talked and worked out the issue but... I'm just so ridiculously happy that he felt something... I'm sure he'll probably fight his emotions because he's not used to them or scared of them but now i can finally start seeing the light, that eventually he'll be like a person again.. and probably more considerate and become closer again..

I'm not trying to complain about this, i'm actually extremely happy right now... You guys have no idea the butterflies in my stomach knowing that he felt something so strong towards me.. i finally got him to admit that he felt something... like this is a big deal to me. I felt like sharing it with you guys cuz i'm sure you all have had this.. realization towards your ah's.

I just hope i don't sound stupid for being this happy right now. All i know is that there is hope in the darkest of times.. i just have to be patient.

Oh, and p.s. i'm totally aware of how bad it is to hang out with this girl but i don't like a lot of friends and my best friend moved half way around the country so i'm really just trying to make the best of the friends that i still have that live here i wasn't trying to make him upset i thought he'd actually be happy i was getting out of my house.

BlueChair

My husband has these times where he doesnt express much emotion, and it upsets me a little bit because I wonder if he is suppressing emotion, unaware, not able to express it. I had not thought about it being part of PAWS. He has been diagnosed with this in rehab. I think I will ask the doc about it because Im curious. I understand why you are happy to see him show any emotion, it would be hard if my husband was like that all the time. There is a cold feeling comes with it, and I dont think he means it to be that way, its more of how I process it in my own mind, not understanding. Im expecting there will be a lot of changes in his emotions I have to get used to after he comes home permanently from rehab. Sounds like you found this to be true

amberrosejanusz

Oh yeah, i mean my boyfriends heroin addiction was horrrriiibbbllleeeee at the end before he left so i knew recovering would not be easy.. in fact it will probably be so much longer before he's really normal. Yeah, i'd say look up the side effects of paws cuz everyone reacts differently.. but i think they said if your'e overwhelmed with emotion you just shut down. Which is what happened to him.. but iv'e talked to him about it before.. i mean like.. i opened up and told him everryyythinggg iv'e felt last week.. it was like this weight off my chest.. cuz iv'e been holding everything in cuz i didn't want to make him stressed but i couldn't hold it in anymore and he was glad i let everything out.. i mean he couldn't do much to help me emotionally but i finally let my problems out. So, even just telling him how i feel helps me... and some day he'll be able to truly understand those emotions again and then i'm sure that we'll finally be able to work through every thing that has been done. When your husband gets home though... just take it easy on him... and don't take everything he says so seriously trust me i mean this totally because their minds are scattered and it takes forever to get them back to place.. my boyfriends is still scattered. I'm just looking forward to everything else i can get from him.. it's almost like when we first meet.. knowing he felt something yesterday gave me butterflies.. it was amazing. Today i'm in a good place.