theotherhalf

Well i knew that the day would finally come when i would get some kind of reaching out. it was only a -Hi hope everything is ok and your doing well- but it was still something. It really threw me for a loop today at work when i got it. Idk if giving back the wallet spurred the msg and maybe im looking to much into it but once again it made me feel bad that i ignored it. yes i ignored the msg. made me start to think that about how maybe i should answer. just because of the drugs and everything else that went with it is she not worth loving or having a relationship with? i went through hell and still when contact comes i get weak like i want to be with her and have this fairy tale life together.
i know its not reality. there were lots of dark days in there. probably more dark then good depending on the month. but i still keep thinking that things can be different. i know im a hope-a-holic ( as one here put it) and i try and find the best in some people even at the expense of my own well being. and i also read the trauma bonding article which was completely us. its been almost 4 months and except a little excessive thinking about here the past week or so ive been dong pretty good. This just completely threw me off. I keep my finger crossed that i can have Zoso's resolve and strength to keep up the no-contact and get my mind working right again.
I put the block back on so she cant call anymore (shouldn't have let it lapse in the first place). But Idk, makes me sad that it couldn't have turned out differently. i did everything i could and it was still never enough that she chose drugs over me every time. its really tough when you see the potential and good in a person only to see the hideous and evil that being an addict brings out. hard to believe that there are two different people in there. just wanted to vent a little, i cant be the only one in this boat.....

suki44883

No, you aren't the only one. There was a guy here for a while who tried to help an old girlfriend and got dragged back into the chaos of her addiction for another year or two. I think his name was Steve1840. Maybe you should look up some of his old posts. He hasn't been around for a while, but last time he posted, it sounded like he was finally getting the picture that she was just using him and that we cannot help someone who doesn't want help.