RedSoxGirl

My xabf has cheated on me multiple times and his DOC is alcohol and cocaine. He says the alcohol won't let him "get in the game", but the coke sure will. The way I found out was while I was at the drs getting a wand ultrasound, they said I had an STD that gave me signifigant scarring on my cervix...and I know I wasn't unfaithful so..... It also doesn't help he has a sex addiction as well.

overit263

I"m sorry RedSoxGirl. Isn't it great when we have to find out in ways like that? Thank goodness he's your "X"ABF. The thing I worry about with our situations is, how hard will it be to trust in another relationship again?

hopeful4

My AH has been unfaithful. His main drug of choice is alcohol which he mixes with prescribed powerful drugs he takes (Xanax) which he does not abuse unless mixing w/alcohol. Hence the reason it only takes him one or two beers to be extremely intoxicated. Lovely.

help4hubby

Hopeful4, my husband abused Xanax and drank on top of that while he was trying to quit taking Suboxone. He reacted horribly to this combination and the result was a domestic violence incident that led to me calling 911 and my husband spending the night in jail. Very scary night for me! Please be careful.

story74

My x cheated and his drug of choice was cocaine.

When everything unfolded and the truth came out I wanted to save my marriage. I knew drugs had a big part of his choices, and felt that if he would try, we could at least TRY to save our marriage. Cheating was harder to get over then the drugs. It was the betrayal of the one person as I thought I could trust like no other. He didn't want to work on our marriage, so I had no other choice than to let go.

Sometimes I want to thank him. Sometimes I wonder if he was smarter than I give I give him credit for. I wonder if I would of ever really been able to trust and move on again.

My new boundry is no way is cheating acceptable. I have HIGH standards for my next man. Not that I want a man in my life right now, but I have learned from all of this what a trustworthy man is. I will accept nothing less.

I know a lot of people disagree, but I believe drugs lead him to cheating. I think he was hanging out with the wrong people, horny and doing the drugs made him forget reality.

Another question is this. He hasn't contacted us (me and my son for a year). So, how much do the drugs have to do with the fact he has abandoned his son?

I believe drugs are 100% the problem.

Saying that does not by any means give them a get out of jail free card.

RedSoxGirl

Story74, I agree it is partially to cocaine, its a stimulant and its of course going to get the turned on. However I find that its a combination of the drugs and their root cause for using: my xabf cheated and used simply to forget his self thoathing and severe lack of confidence and depression. Again I agree, its not a free card and he should be accountable for it. Going forward whoever I'm with (a new partner, or my xabf if he is sober and works a solid program), will be held to the same standard. However as painful as the cheating was (and will always be) i find i was able to move on easier then the using...but thats probably because I was cheated on multiple times in the past and was most of the women in my family) so we're jaded as hell. And I know its honestly not about me, its their thing and he would have done it to me, a playmate or even Sandra Bullock, right?

crazybabie

LMN, I believe hubby has cheated even though he denies that when I took him back the last time I had to accept that be it true or not I based mt decision, on could I forgive him.

DOC... marijuana, and opiates when he was in active use.

Now as for me yes I have cheated in the past many years ago. No excuses

ZombieWife

Hello (rising up from internet la-la land).

My addict did not cheat that I know of. He was a homebody user.

DOC was meth.

rubyclaire

I guess I am not sure, I just do not believe what he says. He swears he hasn't but to him, cheating is physical. His doc is always alcohol, although there has been cocaine and x in the mix for years, I am sure it is still around. When he is using, he is funny and flirtatious around others. He loves to text and send smiling pictures to people. If they only knew the dark person he was to live with. I know for awhile there was a co-worker he wanted to party with. I would see her name pop up in a text on his phone all the time. and I would see him texting her when he was using. I guess I just don't care anymore.