ah18

So I am new to this and this is my story. I need advice.

My older sister is a drug addict and she and her ex had broken up so she came back to my city to get away from everything. She was only with me for two weeks and i had felt that i was helping her keep her mind off of things, i was with her everyday, i had kept her happy and kept her doing things so her mind would be off of her ex and everything else, even cut her off of the drugs.
The last couple days of the time she was here i went to my friends house and was there for a couple days maybe even more and the whole time she was there she was wanting to see me, but i turned her down & the last things she said was. " All i want is to see my sister " , My sister was my rock & i was hers.

A couple days later she had texted me saying she was In a different city going to get treatment. Around the same time her ex had put herself back into a relationship and both of them havent been heard from till now.. Her mother, who is my stepmother had reported her missing, and all this crap had came down on me because i was the last person to see my sister & i had no idea where she was.

Soon enough i had found out she was back with her ex and from what i was told.. My sister didnt want anyone trying to contact her or even trying to find her.. Thats not my sister & i know that is not something she would say. My sister tells me almost everything, She comes to me for everything. So i said to myself, it must be the drugs talking. thats not her. she would never say that..

I need help on what to do. I want to help my sister. It breaks me to see her like this.. The drugs have taken control over her. I feel somewhere along the way she lost herself & i have no idea how to bring her back. I try to talk to her but she never replies. I feel shes just pushing me out.. I dont know what to do anymore.. HEELPP!

heatherp78

thanks for sharing hun everyone here is lovely and mostly in similar situations and there are so many helpful articles to help you I wish you the best of luck hugs

TMZ

That is addict mentality and there is no changing it you need to just let her know she is loved and missed and you will be there for her when she is ready to come around.

I know it will be hard but trying to force her will push her further away. In time she will want help and some refuge to get free from the drugs. That is when you will be able to help. For now learn about the drug and addiction. Learn what help is and what enabling is. Because she will need you. Keep read and posting on here you will gain a lot of insight from other"s posts. Addiction is a disease you need to lear about it to help.

There always is hope and there is a time for help so prepare.

Kindeyes

It's not unusual for an addict to push loved ones away......until they need something from them or are in crisis. Unfortunately, it's the way addiction works. Loved ones are a buzz kill for the addict.

My son is the addict in my life. He made himself scarce for 4-5 years. He was close by but would only contact me when he was desperate....needing money or food. He was homeless....living in his car or drifting from couch to couch. Running and gunning. Stealing and dealing. It was bad. But I had no choice but to let him go.....and it was hard. Very hard.

The good news? He finally reached out and went into a six month treatment program (Salvation Army). He is clean and sober (9 months now). Working. Living. And seems to be at peace with living.....for the first time in his adult life. And our relationship is healing.

I agree with TMZ.....as hard as it is......sometimes we have to let them go to live their lives and simply let them know they are loved and we are here when they want to reconnect. She knows you love her.

You and your dear sister will be in my prayers.

gentle hugs
ke

ah18

For some reason i still dont know what to do. , I still wish my sister wasnt a drug addict.. It my opinon its not her fault, Its our parents fault.. They are alcoholics & drug addicts too. I feel like i want to blame them for their fail at being parents.. yeah my sisters mom may be my stepmom & her mom may have married my dad, but still they are ****** parents. They only hear what they want to hear. .

I have gotten a reply the other day and what they said was completely how my sister is acting.. Being homless, only coming around when she needs money. only comes around when she needs food.
I never realized it till then that my sister only asked me for money because she spent all hers on drugs.. Makes me think, should have i gave her money? I always wondered why it took months to give the same amount of money i gave her.

In all honesty, i just want my sister back, My sister made me the person i am today, When i seen her she told me she had forgotten who she was.. and in my response, i told her.. " Look at me, look at my personality, this is YOU. You are the one who made me who i am today.. Just a different name.. body and age. "

My sister is my bestfriend, i would do anything for her. I just want to help her, that is all.. But i know i cant. It sucks that i just have to sit back and watch my sister hurt herself on a day to day basis. Untill she decides she needs her own help. Only she can help herself when she wants to be helped, and i know that, I just dont want to believe it :'(

heatherp78

ahhhhhhhhh hun its one of the hardest realisations that you yourself can not help the addict (in my case anyway) they have to seek help themselves I look back at the years of lectures and scolding's etc.. I have given my husband to try and make him realise what he was doing and none of it worked for us it was only when I found out the horrible truth of his addiction that he hit bottom and I kicked him out to his parents house so far it has been the only thing that has helped no truer is the saying 'actions speak louder than words' the time away has given him a lot to think about and the time for me has been remarkable it truly has been a rollercoaster of tears upset and pain then I had my eureka moment that whats it all for if he is going to take the first steps to recovery he has to do it himself I have to give up on my co-dependency (which honestly when I did it was like the world was off my shoulders) Im now in this very short time finding my happy place again one that has been lost for years. saying that he is coming over for a chat tomorrow night its not going to be easy because I do still love him,but like so many have said to me already take everyday as it comes. this is part of my story and in no way giving you advice but thought you might find it helpful take care hun xxoo

Twofish

Hi Ah, I would like to chime in here. Long story, but I have two young addicted daughters, 19 & 22. I was lied to, lied to and lied to some more. Stolen from, deceived and was blamed for every wrong thing that has ever happened to them, ruined their lives, had the police involved, the list goes on and on. Then one day recently, the younger one hit this thing called rock bottom, she tried to hang her self, and overdosed on 70 Xanax pills, my baby wanted to die, the thought bring me tears and great pain. The Heroin was too much for her, the voice within was too strong. Luckily, she was found in time, went to a psych ward, then detox and now she attends intense outpt therapy. Is she saved? Only God can answer that one. Do I have hope? Yep I do! Do I trust her, NO I don't. What I'm trying to tell you is only your sister can desire to become sober. Nothing you can do will convince her otherwise. The guilt you are feeling is overwhelming, I still feel it. Could I have been a better mom? Listened more closely or saw the signs of addiction? Don't beat yourself up. Addiction is much stronger than you or any other family or friend. When your sister hits that place, you might very well be the one person she calls for help. If you force the issue, she WILL back away. Today, newly recovered, my daughter has good days, she desires and wants sobriety. The older daughter, well, she is in denial. Her addiction voice is very strong and very mad at me. She refuses any help or to even admit that Heroin is causing any problems in her life. It's like arguing with a brick wall. So we leave her to her demons for now, give it to God to fix. When she finds her rock bottom, I will be here, with open supporting arms. I hope I haven't discouraged you, I what to give you hope. Take care of yourself, let the guilt go and enjoy your sober life and when your sister is ready, she will join you. Hugs, big hugs to you. Keep reading the posts and welcome to the SR family! TF

Ann

If love could save our addicts, not one of us would be here. We all want the person we used to know, back.

It's sad and it's hard to watch someone we love self-destruct, but we cannot save them, only they can save themselves, if and when they are ready.

The best I could do for my son, after years of trying to help him and letting him come home so many times, only to turn my home into a war zone...the best I could do was to provide him with a meeting list of AA and NA, a list of shelters in the city, a list of recovery houses and detox's and helplines. We are blessed in Canada to have most rehabs covered by our provincial medical coverage. And everywhere in the world, the Salvation Army program (which is long term and very good) is free to those who seek it.

I pray your sister will find help and I pray you will find peace.

Hugs

Kindeyes

I understand the desire to cast blame.....and your parents may not have been stellar examples. But it's important to remember that addiction is a disease. A cunning and baffling disease. And yes.....there is a genetic component.....

But blaming and shaming is not beneficial to the addict or anyone else.....including you.

It is very hard to watch our loved ones self destructing. A year ago.....I had little hope for my son. He had been gone for a very long time.......his addiction began at age 14 with alcohol.....he is now 32. He was homeless for about 4-5 years. Beaten....pistol whipped. Threatened suicide so many times I can't count. Close to death many times.....many of which I'm sure I have no knowledge and don't want to know. But he is clean and sober today. I have no idea if he'll stay clean and sober.....but I cherish each moment I have with him and I live in today with gratitude. I leave tomorrow's sorrows where they belong......in the future....and yesterday's regrets where they belong.....in the past.

We all love the addicts in our lives as much as you love your dear sister. We all understand your anguish. Sometimes the best thing we can do for the addict in our lives is to show them how to get healthy. Work the program we wish they would. And maybe.....just maybe......they'll see our light and follow.

gentle hugs
ke