eveewonder

So I kicked my exAgf out end of March after she stole my jewelry. We were only together for a year but man does it still hurt. I didn't know she was an addict at the time. You guys know some of the story from previous posts. Of course she immediately pretty much moved in with some other addict because she has no job, license etc. I have finally started meeting/dating some people who are more like me - not addicts, have a job, place to live, drivers license. Regular stuff. It still just hurts like heck. I'm going to a counselor and all that. This whole thing just really, really messed me up bad. I think it was all the lying and the betrayal of stealing and stealing sentimental items and the complete lack or remorse or even admission to stealing or addiction. It is psychotic! Ah well I'm doing my best to move forward and focus on myself and be healthy. I really am. I have a court date in another week for the stealing (she does I'm the witness/victim) and then we are all done. uggg...... Thanks for listening. Anyone else have the experience of a break up with an addict being far worse because of all deceit and betrayal. I don't know I just wish I could erase it all from my mind but I'm sure somewhere it has made me better. Thanks.

EnglishGarden

You're right, it is psychotic. Psychotic meaning a break with reality. And that is the mind of the addict or alcoholic: the denial inherent in the disease is so powerful that the individual sees the world through a thoroughly distorted lens.

Addiction so warps the individual's true personality (whatever that is, or was) and interferes so drastically with the individual's cognitive ability, that it is really impossible for the active addict or active alcoholic to experience the world in any way other than a distorted and disturbing manner.

So often, the thought crosses my mind when someone is shocked by the behavior of an addict or alcoholic, "Well, what did you expect?"

I look back now on my time with a husband in active addiction and all the terrible days and nights of crisis and all the shocking things he did and said, and I know now that to have expected anything other than those events from him would have been completely irrational on my part.

It is not normal to deal with life drunk or drugged. It is not normal to steal from loved ones. It is not normal to drive intoxicated with a back seat full of little children. It is not normal to need a drink or a hit on waking up in the morning. It is not normal to put your baby to bed and then drink until you pass out. It is not normal to get so tweaked that you damage the body of the spouse you are "making love" to. It is not normal to wake up in a ditch and not know how you got there. It is not normal to fill your your loved ones with dread the moment you pull into the driveway.

We must have no expectations of normal behavior from the addicted person. Then we must decide whether we wish to remain in close proximity to someone who is guaranteed to behave abnormally on a consistent basis.

Evee, I hope your counselor gives you good support for the upcoming hearing. The highest good your exagf can receive from you is that you do not rescue her and you do not martyr yourself in any way on her behalf.

LucifersAngel

I defiantly agree with English... Stepping away from her was the best thing you could ever do for your life and her life