Maui78

Hi there. I have been reading all over SRF for months now. I posted a couple times back in October 2012 about my Agf. Long story short she had a major relapse (heroin) through January of 2013. She got on suboxone, was still doing meth every so often but has been clean as far as I can tell for about 3 weeks. I've been at my limit, almost walked away, but am not ready to do so yet. I have a therapist and have attended a few al-anon meetings. And of course, no surprise, I struggle with co-dependency and binge drinking. I'm here today to ask a couple questions. One- is everyone of the belief that all addicts need to stay away from all mind-altering substances (she still drinks, and who am i to say anything about that). I go back and forth between total abstinence for the addict and "alcohol is okay in moderation". I want all opinions. Two- im getting fruatrated with the "what's next" for her regarding getting a job. She's been through inpatient, outpatient, etc. Over the last 2 years. Was in school but had to drop out when she relapsed. How soon is too soon for her to get back into normal life? I have communicated this to her and she says she is ready to work again. She also is supposed to return to school in the fall. Is it reasonable for me to expect her to start doing life things? Three- is anyone in the Portland, Oregon area? I love these boards and have gained a lot of support and wisdom from them, thank you all. And id also like to chat with some people local..face to face someday maybe. ( this is the question I wasn't sure was allowed). Thank you wise friends....

AnvilheadII

she's going to do what she is going to do. alcohol IS a drug and thus dangerous for a drug addict....do you two drink together? you mentioned you have your own problems with alcohol....i suggest you quit looking at HER thru the telescope, what she should do and when, and focus solely on YOUR stuff. get yourself right. and make that your full time job.

Maui78

I already am. I realized over the months of her relapsing my drinking got worse. Hello...way to avoid my owissues by focusing on hers....I'm not drinking now. And I've stopped trying to "figure out" if she's using. I'm sti ll relatively new at being in a relationship with an addict. But I am certainly no stranger to being in a relationship with myself and my own issues. I know I obviously haven't worked on them enough or I wouldn't have gotten into this relationship in the first place. Lol. But I'm past that. Again, thank you all for your priceless advice...I truly welcome it. And Ann....your posts have been a life-saver for me...

AnvilheadII

ok good, good that you are taking care of you and not drinking. you still MUST keep you first. and it is possible that a relationship with someone who still uses (abuses) substances might be detrimental to YOUR overall health and recovery. her drinking is at the VERY least a very slippery slope...that she won't quit ALL substances altogether is quite telling. she's not quite done yet.

as you know, talking about doing something is WAY different than getting off one's duff and actually doing it. she says she's ready to go back to work. well then.....go back to work! that's a reasonable expectation for an adult, don't ya think?

Kindeyes

1. For an addict, I do believe that any mind altering substance is dangerous. It's just switching seats on the Titanic.

2. Getting into the routine of "normal" living is important. We sleep, we eat, we work and when we've done all of that regularly, we get to play some. It's the normal rhythm of life. There's no time like the present.

3. Oregon has a strong Nar-Anon presence. You can find some great f2f support in Nar-Anon. You just never know who you might meet in those meetings who also happens to frequent SR.

gentle hugs
ke

Maui78

Thank you both.

gfwhoneverknew

Thx for posting those questions!! I've often wondered bout the alcohol in moderation being ok for mybf as well! I've actually hear that marijuana wasbetter for an addict than alcohol because it doesn't lower ur inhibitions but I absolutely don't agree w the pot bcuz where would our gf or bf get it from?? Drug.dealers! Hellooo!