sandwichartist

I am currently the girlfriend of a “recovering” heroin addict; I guess you could call it that. We have been dating for a year and a half and as far as I’m concerned he has been an addict for a year now. I do not drink nor have I ever done drugs. I find myself giving up hope right now, he has been to rehab twice now, overdosed twice now, but he still tells me he wants off this drug and cries about it. He has lost everything in his life besides me; his parents gave up on him and kicked him out because he was stealing from them. He doesn’t have a job he doesn’t have a license he doesn’t have a car, he has deprived his life of everything besides heroin. Every day I have mixed emotions about his using, I get pissed that he is doing it. I find it pathetic that he wakes up every day with only one thought on this mind and that is how he is going to get his high. And I also feel bad for him because he cries his eyes out saying he can’t help it. Emotionally, I am drained from this. I don’t wish this on my worst enemy. Seeing someone you love go through a drug addiction it’s terrible. I cry almost every night; I just want my old boyfriend back. The one that could give me everything I deserve. I mean, is he ever going to beat this? I hear about people being clean for ten years and relapsing, what hope does that give me? I know I’m going to have to live with this for the rest of my life if I decide to be with him, and I want to be here for him I do. I love him to death, but the things that he has put me through has pushed me past my breaking point and I am forced to decide if I should give up or continue to be here for him. It would be hard for me to break up with him, he is my first boyfriend. And the only reason why I would be breaking up with him is because of everything this drug has put me through. I don’t think he realizes that he isn’t the only one that has to deal with the effects of this drug. His family and I have been put through enough. At the same time, I’m holding on to the fact that he can beat this, and someday I will see my old boyfriend, and that we can live happily ever after heroin free. Its become so easy for him to lie, and steal from me. And that’s the saddest part to me because he tells me that I’m the best thing to ever happen to him, and he loves me so much. But yet he can continue to push me further and further away? At the end of the day, I want him to be healthy and free from drugs, I don’t want to leave him and hear about him dying from an overdose. Both times he has overdosed; I have been the one that saved him. I feel like God has put me in his life for a reason, and that is my job to help lead him to recovery. Anyone who is currently an addict, please give me advice on how I should deal with this situation. Or what the best thing to do to help him through this process. Should I show him tough love? PLEASE HELP

Lily1918

hello Im sorry for what brings you here. :,( My ex is lost in heroin. Nasty stuff.

well... I think of him, his name is D, this way... the same love I have for him, the same way I want the old him back I met that first night. The same way I cry for him and miss him and sometimes go out looking for him and would take a bullet for him etc and soforth... every single thing I feel for him down to the letter
is the way he feels.
not about me, but about her...
Heroin.
She's beautiful. She promises everything and only gives peace for a moment. She leaves her victims writhing in pain wanting more.

hugs to you.
take a look around.
this place has really helped me.
more people will be along soon with these things:
Expierience
Strength
Hope

sandwichartist

thank you so much for this. the way that you put this, is phenomenal. im sorry for everything that you have been put through to, and i thank you for your reply. although it might not be positive news, its the truth. and thats what I need to hear.

drc5426

Let go. Let him hit his bottom.

I had such a hard time with this when my partner was deep in her addictions. I honestly felt that I was her last stop. That I could save her.

Well... I couldn't. I don't have that much power, no man does.

He can "help it" whether he realizes it or not. He is the only one who can make this choice.


Three C's

You didn't Cause it
You can't Cure it
And there is no way you can Control this.

As horrid as it is to watch someone you love die from this disease the fact of the matter stands that this is not your battle.

cynical one

What are the things that are standing between him and his bottom?

Obsession014

I am in a similar situation as you, actually sounds almost the same and that's why I came to this website. Just know you are not alone struggling with this. I love my boyfriend to death and he's lost in heroin too and cannot stop. It's the ugliest thing I have seen in my life and I've also been way past my breaking point. I'm not sure what to do either, I've wanted to walk away so many times but for some reason I can't. Like you said, I think god has put us here to save them. I just wish something, somehow would give me a better idea of what to do and how to help him help himself. Keep your head up, you are not alone.

Vale

It is with bitter tears I report that our 'helping' them only hurts them.
If we truly care, we must nullify our instincts to 'help'

.... and let them go.

It doesn't guarantee a happy ending, but it does remove us as obstacles to
their finding recovery.

lizwig

Sandwich artist and obsession...I'm sorry for what has brought you both here. The pain of watching an addict destroy themselves and everything around them is excruciating. About 7 months ago (nearly 8) I had to do one of the hardest things a parent has to do. That is setting firm boundaries with my son and sticking to them regardless of the level of discomfort it causes me. I came to believe these things.

1. I am powerless over my son's addiction.
2. He will never hit his bottom of I'm running along behind him sticking pillows under his butt to soften the fall.
3. His higher power cannot step in to help him if I'm blocking the doorway.
4. Until he wants recovery for himself, and is willing to do whatever it takes, there simply is not a Damn thing I can do to help him.
5. I can however put all the energy I was expending on the chaos caused by his addiction into myself. I can work the program I wish he would work. I can pick myself up by the bootstraps and do whatever necessary to arm myself with the tools I will need to move forward in my life, whether he ever chooses recovery for himself.
6. I REFUSE to let my son's addiction steal 2 souls.
7. I will support my son's recovery, but not his addiction (and he is aware of this).
8. I came to believe a power greater than me would restore me to sanity if he or she were sought.
9. I will not "love my son to death" but I will love him until the day I die.
10. I will not do for my son what he is capable of doing for himself.

I don't know if a single one of these items will help you but I believe none of the parents on this site kicked their ADULT (or not) children out the first time round. These decisions come from countless attempts at helping. Rehabs, schooling, countless calls from jail, emotional blackmail to the ninth degree, verbal (and I'm sure physical) abuse. And the horrible sad, awful truth is often their partners are the next in line. If my son had a girlfriend I wish that she would help uphold and reinforce the simple message of: "when you are ready to help yourself you will have many cheerleaders to help you. But until then I will not disrespect you by demonstrating through MY actions that I believe you are powerless". When we do for them what they should be doing for themselves that is the subliminal messages we are sending.

Please know this message is not meant to offend you. It's simply a mother's point of view. Big hug to both of you as you strive to find the balance of compassion and strength in your lives. It's hard. We all understand.

atalose

He doesn’t have a job, he doesn’t have a driver’s license or car….so who is supporting his drug habit?

His parents kicked him out because he was stealing from them and now he’s stealing from you….is that how he is supporting his drug habit?

Lily1918

well that's an easy one. in addition to stealing, dealing.
spend $80 split it into fourths. 20 bucks a piece and bada bing bada boom! 20 bucks free dope.

but that's besides the point....

AnvilheadII

addicts make LOUSY boyfriends. and HEROIN addicts are not good starter boyfriends!

I must argue, it is NOT your job to SAVE him. nor your job to LEAD him to recovery. you are basically a support system for his DRUG USE. he lies to you, you let him...he steals from you, you let him. if he's strung out, unemployed, no car, no license, how is he getting his dope...and what dos he possibly have to OFFER you?

you don't need this. if there is a lesson here, it's for you....on what you do not want in a boyfriend!!!!

sandwichartist

I must add that I do not openly support his habit, It's not like I give him money tell him to go buy some dope, and then give him rides to these places knowing hes getting dope. I will admit I am stupid in falling for his lies. anyone else can see that every single time he is lying to me, but for some reason I wanted to believe that I would be the one person he wouldn't screw over and use for this drug. and its hard when you love someone and they are looking you straight in your eyes swearing up and down on everything in their life. and for that split second, I believe him. and then I realize I was wrong. and I regret every believing him. its a vicious cycle. most of the time, I do not give him money I will say that. he has stolen from me yes, and I should have left then, I know. I know I deserve better, I know this is probably never going to end from the looks of it. but I have saved his life TWICE, and if I leave and im not there to save him again, dear lord I hope theres not another time since hes supposedly "getting clean" in rehab. what if im not there to save him and nobody else is either? what if he dies from an overdose, and I have to live with that for the rest of my life. I know I have no control over this, but someone it still eats away at my mind, and im sorry for babbling but this is the only way I have found has helped me dealing with this. Thank you for all for replying, I need to hear it all. it truly does help