Faithlove

I know....how absolutely horrible of me!!!

I saw a relative of my AH's this weekend who looks and acts and appears to feel so much better than in the past. It looks like recovery is really working for this person! This person was down in the pits of Hell because of their addiction, so I really should be so very happy for this person.

And I am. I am glad that they have pulled themself out of the quicksand of addiction. I was almost in tears because of my happiness for this person (and their children).

But, I'm jealous. A little part of me wishes my AH was in this person's place.....literally, if I could make a deal and trade the two, I would. I know this is selfish of me, but I'm just being honest. I know that if this person can find recovery, my AH can too. So, what's stopping him?

But, my biggest concern is how on earth can I actually feel like this? What character defect should I work on? Patience, gratitude for my blessings? What kind of person covets another's hard-earned recovery?

KKE

I know its not quite the same but I am always jealous of people in "normal" relationships and with "normal" partners. I find myself fantasising about what it must be like to be with someone who you can 100% trust when they say they are popping out to get the paper or not have to turn into the worlds biggest detective!

Hanna

Just stop entertaining the thoughts. You can't trade, so it's just a momentary irrational but normal thought. You can choose to look at this person and see hope for your AH. Sobriety isn't a precious commodity, there is enough for everyone.

But be gentle with yourself. It's a normal lizard brain kind of feeling. You are allowed to feel it and let it go.

Katiekate

Actually I think your feelings are completely on target.

Of course that is what you want for your life.

What you feel takes nothing away from anyone else, it just confirms that ultimately what you want for your life is healthy relationships.

Not anything to beat yourself up for. Wishing you had something else someone else has accomplished is a goal, not something to beat yourself up over.

This is the guilt of a co dependent. Let it go. And try to stop checking every feeling and thought you have

Faithlove

Thanks, everyone.

I felt like I needed to confess this feeling/thought to someone.

LoveMeNow

(((Faithlove))) Of course you want your husband clean and to be a positive, loving father for your boys. I think your feelings are pretty normal. I, also, don't believe for one minute you would hurt anyone. I think you are still hurting very much. Stay faithful, Gods got this.