yvonneneeds

Okay so my boyfriend of six month snort (s) or sniort (ed) herroine. Okay so after being with him 1 month I found out he had a herrione habbit. I threatened to leave him and he went into a 6 month rehabilitation program. He completed 1 month of the rehabilitation program and left of his own will and came home clean. He has been home one month and since then he is not nodding or neglecting his hygeine like he used too. He is not begging for money- BUT I feel like he is on herroine and not telling me. He sleeps all day sometimes and he has begun missing drug test appointments. A close friend of mine who is a addict as well told me that he very well may be hiding the symptoms because he is not bad off yet. She said that to do this you can speedball to keep from nodding take benadryl to keep from itiching. She said she effectely hid her habbit for a year until she ran out of money and desperation to fund the habbit kicked in. I wish there was a way for me to know. Its stressful not knowing because I dont want to keep accusing him if he clean but I dont want to keep investing time energy and money into this relationship if he not. I dont use any drugs so i am green to his street saviness....Today, he has been sleep all day, did not wake up for his shift at 9 oclock, missed worked didnt call in or nothing...HELP me please..Anyone with any expirence let me know...Thanks in advance

Hanna

Welcome to Sober Recovery. I cannot even fathom staying with someone if I learned in the first month we were together that they were doing heroin.

All the signs are there.

What is it that you are looking for in a relationship?

yvonneneeds

Hannah

Thanks for the sppedy response, I needed it... Well believe it or not he's a good man. He is great with my kids, sensative, not affraid to protect you. He strong and manly and will do anything to protect me and my family but he is sensative snough to cry if I hurt his feelings. My mom had a stroke and he precooked all home made meals and made sure she has diaper and pays the nurse so I can contiune to go to school and work. When he make 100.00 he gives 90.00 towards the household and when he makes 6000.00 he gives me 500.00 just for me and 4000.00 to catch up bills..... He is the funniest person alie. he dosnt drink and dosnt club at all. He is content with just staying home..... BUT, He is a herroine adict!!! I knwo I sound pathetic but I am a college educated, beautiful girl with a great career in a stable home....I, about a month ago, saught professional counseling to try to understand why would I fall for somelike this tooo- still in counseling...maybe I am crazy

atalose

Whether or not he is using today or has used yesterday or will use tomorrow, fact is he left a 6 month rehab aftr only 1 month.....he couldn't committ to it..........what makes you think he's going to committ to you and your children?

Too many red flags with this very new relationship. Glad you are in counseling and I hope you contiue to post here.

((hugs))

crazybabie

Our gut is almost always right listen to yours. Have you read the stickies at the top of this forum? A lot of helpful information there, how old are your children?

yvonneneeds

I have three children age 16, 13 abd a five year old girl. He has a 12 boy and a 5 yo girl

yvonneneeds

yea, he was at the salvation army, they werent will strick and it was at will... he left

AnvilheadII

BUT he is a heroin addict is not a trivial matter! do you allow other addicts around your children? do you think nodding off, sleeping all day, missing work are good healthy habits for your children to learn? why as a mom of three within six months do you have somebody who already admitted to being an addict LIVING IN YOUR HOME?

yvonneneeds

Well he is in my home an no there are no other adicts around my kids, in fact they have been blessed to have been pretty sheltered. The person that I am dating I have been friends with since high school, I am 34 years old now. My family and his family have always been close and we all entertained together. we have only been in a relationship for 6 months...not that that justifies it..but you question seemed like I just picked him up off the street and bought him home. He helped me through a painful divorce ans has always been there for me and somehow through all this we recently commited into a relationship.

The only good thing is I work in the morning and at night I am at sporting events with my kids or in school myself so they dont spent a great deal of time with him on a daily basis. And yes he is a addict but he is a good provider and good with my kids. So me not knowing to much about this type situation, I am looking for help in understanding is he telling me the truth about being clean and if being in this situation is even worth the BS that comes with it. Its really hard to make a decission about something you know nothing about.

AnvilheadII

Its really hard to make a decission about something you know nothing about.

right, like people living with your kids kind of decisions? yeah that's blunt, but that is the situation you are in today because of decisions you ALREADY made.

now you have to decide what is BEST for your kids. best, healthiest, wisest, sanest and offers them the most security. worrying if your partner is shooting up in the closet or behind the garage is an AWFUL way to live, for even two minutes. position yourself in such a way you never have to wonder........

wicked

In my opinion, no he is not telling the truth.
To me, (my son is a heroin addict) what you describe are clearly addict behaviors.

Nope, being in the situation and the BS that comes with it is not worth it.

I understand what you are saying about knowing him for a long time, yvonne.
It does not matter where he came from, he is an addict.
An addict who left a recovery program.
An addict who is missing work.
An addict who is missing drug tests.
An addict who is sleeping all day.
It will not be long (based on my experience) until the desperation takes over.

Going to counseling is the best thing you can do for you and your children.
You are not crazy.

Faithlove

Yvonne,
You've gotten a lot of good advice in this thread. Sometimes it's hard to see the whole picture when you're stuck in the midst of the confusion addiction causes.

Please think about your children first. Your eldest child will soon be exposed to drugs, through peers, whether you like it or not. Do you want that child to believe that you think it's ok for people to use? Even if you profess with your words that you are against drugs, your actions show that you are willing to put up with using. Kids see and listen to our actions.

You said you wanted answers. My answer is for you to immediately remove this man from your home. An active addict should not be living with children. They depend on you for their protection. What if one of them found a needle he used and stuck themselves? What if your eldest experimented with your BF's drugs? What if the police raid your home?

Being a single mother and in college does not mean you need to depend on a man for support. I was 21 and a single mother in college. I made it and so will you. Is your ex-husband paying child support?

You're trading financial security for your children's safety & your sanity.

yvonneneeds

Thank you all so much, of course not the answers I was hoping for but definately the ones I needed to hear. I have told him we have to talk today. He'll be up here for lunch....I so hope this break up goes well...Thanks guys

tjp613

Yvonne - In all other respects he does sound like a good guy. My son (a heroin addict) is also a very good guy...just the sweetest guy on the planet, charming, and looks that would melt your heart. He is very lovable....and loved my many, many people. But he is sick. He struggles with his addiction constantly -- in and out of rehab/detox/sober living. Then tries to do it on his own. Then tries to moderate it, or allows alcohol and weed but no heroin. Blah blah blah. It's the same crazy cycle over and over, month in and month out. We've spent thousands and thousands of dollars over the last couple of years and honestly, he's only in a slightly better place than he was when this all started.

If there were no children involved I would say "please be careful and take care of you". But since there are children in the home, I have to say "Please, PLEASE, leave this relationship at once." Mayhem in one form or another will most likely be your constant companion and for a very long time. As you are experiencing this already, you can see that suddenly the energy and focus needed to manage kids, career and school is quickly diverted to "managing" the addict.

Stick around. You'll learn a lot here. (((Hugs)))

Faithlove

And please keep coming back and posting here. Read the stickies and find an al-anon group to join.

Hanna

Hi Yvonne,
You deserve someone that is all of those great things and also clean and sober. Addiction is a progressive disease, so things do get worse if they don't stop.

I can understand wanting companionship and being in a time of need after a divorce.

I have a book called the "Evasion English Dictionary" that defines words as we often use them. It says "but" usually means "everything said before this word is ******** or completely inconsequential. Now I'm going to tell the real truth." When someone says "he's wonderful BUT he uses heroin." I only hear the part about the heroin.

You and your children deserve more and you must demand it. It is tragic and painful, but the reality is that he is not able to be a good partner for you as a heroin addict.

Please stick around and keep reading. Sorry that I didn't give you a warmer welcome with my first response. I just already know- you deserve better.

Peace and Prayers,
Hanna