Interesting conversation..............
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I came by accident...or was led by God...however you want to look at it. I was groping around for recovery groups and had never been to a chat room or message board in my life, and when I landed here I read stories so similar to my own and met mama's who were going through the same pain as me.
I decided to hang around for a bit, and I learned...and I grew...and I learned to laugh again and not take myself so seriously.
11 years later I am still here, nobody told me to go home.
Hugs
I decided to hang around for a bit, and I learned...and I grew...and I learned to laugh again and not take myself so seriously.
11 years later I am still here, nobody told me to go home.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,684
Originally Posted by noanxtime 
SR allows so many people in so many phases of their life whether as the A or the C, to glean something positive and a new perspective as to what we are going through.
"So my question is - do you think joining SR was a sign of your own codependency, knowingly or not??" I initially came to SR searching for information and support, at the time feeling isolated, at the end of my rope, and desperately looking for change. At the same time, I believe I still had not extinguished (or maybe more like learned to deal with) the gnawing desire to try and "save" my son.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 628
I found this site by accident a month or so ago and I am so glad I did. I have already spent innumerable hours reading comments and blogs and learnt so much.
I have learnt that I am powerless over my son's addiction. I have to wait patiently until he realizes that the pain of recovery is worth more than the pain of addiction. I have learnt not to enable or shield him from the consequences of his behaviour.
I have learnt that it is up to me to enforce boundaries, I have learnt not to take my AS's addiction personally. I also learnt that boundaries are flexible - not rigid rules. I have learnt that tough love is true love. I am beginning to realize that suffering is part of life, and excessive attachment is the cause of suffering. The key to the cessation of suffering is the practice of detachment and dispassion. I have learnt that I am at the very early in my journey of recovery and I will slip and relapse but I will move forward slowly but surely.
I have learnt that I am powerless over my son's addiction. I have to wait patiently until he realizes that the pain of recovery is worth more than the pain of addiction. I have learnt not to enable or shield him from the consequences of his behaviour.
I have learnt that it is up to me to enforce boundaries, I have learnt not to take my AS's addiction personally. I also learnt that boundaries are flexible - not rigid rules. I have learnt that tough love is true love. I am beginning to realize that suffering is part of life, and excessive attachment is the cause of suffering. The key to the cessation of suffering is the practice of detachment and dispassion. I have learnt that I am at the very early in my journey of recovery and I will slip and relapse but I will move forward slowly but surely.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
I am glad you posted this. I have had this debate inside my head a few times.
First--define a "normie". It almost seems to me that a normie is someone who has never encountered being in a relationship with addiction.
Or--maybe I should put it this way. As soon as YOU find yourself in a relationship with an addict, you lose status as a normie. Why? Because I think the first instinct is to try to control the addict. Even in the name of "helping".
In otherwords--the normie response is a codie behavior. Only by learning what we learn here or other places do we detach.
Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Ok, let's say there is somebody out there, emotionally connected, that wakes up one day and realizes they have an addict in their lives, and they immediately walk away, detach, and keep their "normie" status.
What kind of person does that? The untrained heart would never make that choice to simply walk off, cut their losses, and somehow remain unscarred. I'm trying to think up a scenario in which it might happen...I'm coming up empty handed...if you can think of one, by all means tell me!
The bigger question for me personally has been...if I was recovered, no longer in contact, then wouldn't "moving on" from a recovery program actually be a part of my recovery?
Re-entering the life of a normie?
Answer for me personally is...we are forever changed.
That said, I try to make sure I do not carry a "victim" mentality. That would keep a person in limbo.
There are people who are recovered, and no longer in contact with the addict(s), yet still post here. Recovery is a never finished concept? For some that works. For others, because they are forever changed, helping others and embracing that concept that recovery is never a finished product, is why they stay?
A person has to be getting something out of being here, or they would leave.
First--define a "normie". It almost seems to me that a normie is someone who has never encountered being in a relationship with addiction.
Or--maybe I should put it this way. As soon as YOU find yourself in a relationship with an addict, you lose status as a normie. Why? Because I think the first instinct is to try to control the addict. Even in the name of "helping".
In otherwords--the normie response is a codie behavior. Only by learning what we learn here or other places do we detach.
Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Ok, let's say there is somebody out there, emotionally connected, that wakes up one day and realizes they have an addict in their lives, and they immediately walk away, detach, and keep their "normie" status.
What kind of person does that? The untrained heart would never make that choice to simply walk off, cut their losses, and somehow remain unscarred. I'm trying to think up a scenario in which it might happen...I'm coming up empty handed...if you can think of one, by all means tell me!
The bigger question for me personally has been...if I was recovered, no longer in contact, then wouldn't "moving on" from a recovery program actually be a part of my recovery?
Re-entering the life of a normie?
Answer for me personally is...we are forever changed.
That said, I try to make sure I do not carry a "victim" mentality. That would keep a person in limbo.
There are people who are recovered, and no longer in contact with the addict(s), yet still post here. Recovery is a never finished concept? For some that works. For others, because they are forever changed, helping others and embracing that concept that recovery is never a finished product, is why they stay?
A person has to be getting something out of being here, or they would leave.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
Originally Posted by BlueSkies1
I am glad you posted this. I have had this debate inside my head a few times.
First--define a "normie". It almost seems to me that a normie is someone who has never encountered being in a relationship with addiction.
Or--maybe I should put it this way. As soon as YOU find yourself in a relationship with an addict, you lose status as a normie. Why? Because I think the first instinct is to try to control the addict. Even in the name of "helping".
In otherwords--the normie response is a codie behavior. Only by learning what we learn here or other places do we detach.
Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Ok, let's say there is somebody out there, emotionally connected, that wakes up one day and realizes they have an addict in their lives, and they immediately walk away, detach, and keep their "normie" status.
What kind of person does that? The untrained heart would never make that choice to simply walk off, cut their losses, and somehow remain unscarred. I'm trying to think up a scenario in which it might happen...I'm coming up empty handed...if you can think of one, by all means tell me!
The bigger question for me personally has been...if I was recovered, no longer in contact, then wouldn't "moving on" from a recovery program actually be a part of my recovery?
Re-entering the life of a normie?
Answer for me personally is...we are forever changed.
That said, I try to make sure I do not carry a "victim" mentality. That would keep a person in limbo.
There are people who are recovered, and no longer in contact with the addict(s), yet still post here. Recovery is a never finished concept? For some that works. For others, because they are forever changed, helping others and embracing that concept that recovery is never a finished product, is why they stay?
A person has to be getting something out of being here, or they would leave.
First--define a "normie". It almost seems to me that a normie is someone who has never encountered being in a relationship with addiction.
Or--maybe I should put it this way. As soon as YOU find yourself in a relationship with an addict, you lose status as a normie. Why? Because I think the first instinct is to try to control the addict. Even in the name of "helping".
In otherwords--the normie response is a codie behavior. Only by learning what we learn here or other places do we detach.
Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Ok, let's say there is somebody out there, emotionally connected, that wakes up one day and realizes they have an addict in their lives, and they immediately walk away, detach, and keep their "normie" status.
What kind of person does that? The untrained heart would never make that choice to simply walk off, cut their losses, and somehow remain unscarred. I'm trying to think up a scenario in which it might happen...I'm coming up empty handed...if you can think of one, by all means tell me!
The bigger question for me personally has been...if I was recovered, no longer in contact, then wouldn't "moving on" from a recovery program actually be a part of my recovery?
Re-entering the life of a normie?
Answer for me personally is...we are forever changed.
That said, I try to make sure I do not carry a "victim" mentality. That would keep a person in limbo.
There are people who are recovered, and no longer in contact with the addict(s), yet still post here. Recovery is a never finished concept? For some that works. For others, because they are forever changed, helping others and embracing that concept that recovery is never a finished product, is why they stay?
A person has to be getting something out of being here, or they would leave.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
The bigger question for me personally has been...if I was recovered, no longer in contact, then wouldn't "moving on" from a recovery program actually be a part of my recovery?
There are people who are recovered, and no longer in contact with the addict(s), yet still post here. Recovery is a never finished concept? For some that works. For others, because they are forever changed, helping others and embracing that concept that recovery is never a finished product, is why they stay?
A person has to be getting something out of being here, or they would leave.
A person has to be getting something out of being here, or they would leave.
Will I ever be "cured" of codependence? I dunno.....I just know that when I'm not paying attention to "me"......I start focusing on trying to tend to other people's business and I get lost......sometimes really fast! lol SR and Nar-Anon help me to remain focused on that which I can control and let go in a healthy way of that which I cannot.
That's all.....nothing terribly complicated.
gentle hugs
ke
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
"So my question is - do you think joining SR was a sign of your own codependency, knowingly or not??"
Part of the ongoing processing of the 12 steps programs I belong to is "Having had a spiritual awakening as the results of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs." And I do this not only on line, but face to face, and that is not necessarily in meetings. Might be at the Domestic Violence Center here, or my Volunteer work with our Victim's Assistance Program, or just with friends and acquaintances that 'ask' for an opinion.
I have found that being on this site, and another one, has helped me to continue to grow and change. This is good, because I believe that 'recovery' is a journey with no end, well my end will be when my ashes are put up on the Dona Ana Mountains.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
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