kthopkt

I haven't posted on here for a few weeks because I needed to take some time for myself and focus on what I need and how my relationship with my brother had become so obsessive. I still have a huge desire to help brother but I finally have the inner strength to let him make the decision of whether or not he wants to get better. I did write him a very short letter 2 weeks ago and just told him to write me if he needed anyone to talk to. He is in jail & did not have my address. That is all I wrote and I have yet to hear from him. I am ok with that. I believe he will write if/when he is ready. I have to trust that he knows I am here for him if he ever gets to his rock bottom. I did find myself slowing being pulled back into being manipulated and that is why I took a break & began to analyze myself.

I appreciate the comments I received. Some of them were tough to swallow but they were just what I needed to hear.

One more thing, is there anything more I can do to try and help him or have I done enough?

laurie6781

I believe you have done all you can for him.

Now how about YOU?? Have you tried Alanon or Naranon (Usually there are more Alanon meetings in an ares than Naranon and it is the same program) and/or some one on one counseling?

The more you work on you, the better you will be at setting your personal boundaries and in that way helping your brother, yes helping in that he will have one less person to manipulate. the more people he loses the closer he will com to his personal bottom.

Good job!!!!! Keep working on you!!!!

Love and hugs,

interrupted

This is a trick question, because "helping" him usually has the exact opposite effect of that which we intended - instead it allows him to continue his reckless and manipulative behavior without feeling all of the consequences and outcomes of his decisions.

One of those consequences is not having someone at your beck and call anytime you feel lonely or want to purchase something from commissary or want to get in touch with people in the outside world.

Jail is really just a temporary holding facility for an addict - there is no recovery in jail, just sobriety (although I understand sometimes not even that) - so until he accepts his part in his situation and is ready to fight for recovery with everything he's got, there isn't a whole lot that can be done to make him "see the light" or reach out for the help that he needs.

You have done far more than enough already, we all have. Now we pray and we move on with our lives and we focus on how we can have the best, most fulfilling life possible FOR US.

I'm happy to hear that you've been moving forward in your own recovery from the chaos of familial addiction. I've been doing the same, and I've taken a long break from here recently as well - it's okay, we're all works in progress, you and your brother will be in my thoughts and prayers.