constantlylearn

Awesome.

Third day NC and I get this.


"This is the last message I will ever send you I promise. I want you to know you are right to leave me and to leave. You deserve so much better. I've lied to you. . I've done drugs and drank. please find a place far from me and go and don't look back. Find someone who treats you right you deserve it and you really are amazing. I wish I could have told you this in person. I will always love you and goodbye"

What the heck. It pissed me off. As you can read from my other posts I was oblivious to his using. ( This Time)
I want to take a screenshot and send it to his mom. She is on complete denial, but I feel like that might be wrong? I
don't know. I'm just infuriated!!!!!"

dollydo

I would not respond, what would a response resolve? Block his eaddy, block his phone #, keep your no contact up.

He has told you who he really is, believe him, he is a liar, alcoholic, drug addict, I'd just leave it at that.

Let his mommy figure it out herself, you won't change her, she is in deep denial.

constantlylearn

I refuse to reply to him. He doesn't intend to be different. I just want so badly for his mom to know that it isn't my "fault" that we broke up he bad mouthed me...a lot to her. I guess its just selfishness on my part.

LoveMeNow

He is certainly living up to the predictable behavior of an active addict and no contact that the article "starving the vampire" outlines.

It's OK if you were oblivious - but you are learning to recognize the signs and thats a good thing.

AngelBabe

When I first met my ex he told me before I ever met his family to never attempt to talk bad about him to them as they would always side with him. Now being a mother myself I can understand that. Pointing it out to her in a sense points the finger back at her that she didn't raise him right.

The only time I went to her was right before I left him to see if she could get him to be honest with her about our house. He had become addicted to crack cocaine and was a bi-polar alcoholic as well. I has told him if he would go to rehab I would get my parents to help. I had a feeling he was not paying the mortgage and I was right.

When I told her that day she got furious with me, proceeded to blame me then ordered me to leave. I went to her because she is a realtor and had sold us our house. I knew that she would have the best way to save it or get it sold before they foreclosed on it. She finally came around a few days later and finally admitted she believed me and knew I was trying to do what was best for her grandchildren. She got the house sold within a month and even fronted me the money for a deposit and first months rent for the apartment I rented.

As soon as we closed on the sale of the house I deposited my half and drove to her house immediately and paid her back. It's been ten years ago but she and I have remained close. Her husband sends valentines cards to all the females in the family and I still get one every year. Our situation is not the norm though. My relationship with his family actually got better after the marriage ended.

If you were not married and have no children involved I would just let it go though. It would be petty at this point to call her. I am pretty sure she has a good idea of what is going on but in the end he is her child. Do you really expect her to call you up and agree with you that he's a piece of poo?

constantlylearn

No not at all. I see your point though I don't have any children other than cats!

I was the one that told them originally that he was using and they got him into a rehab. He lives far from them and they talk but he lies. So I guess in a sense I want to help her know he's using in a selfish sense I want her to know that I tried my best but its me time now.

I have taken what you said to heart. I guess he'll have to find his own bottom?

LoveMeNow

As a mother, I would want to know but not be expected to "fix" it. I know I can not! However I would want to firm up my boundaries. But maybe after a few times of finding out, I would feel very differently. Sadly, I think only time will tell.

constantlylearn

After thinking on it.

I think I'll think some more.

They fully support him - rent, school, food, "spending money", and any random money he asks for. They think he's fine. Shoot, I thought he wasnt using just a major a**.

So the anger has subsided and now I feel like maybe she should know solely because she has the power to stop giving him $ thus it'll be harder (not impossible) to use.

AngelBabe

Yes indeed. He will have to find that bottom and just thank your lucky stars they he will not be dragging you there with him. I believe everyone deserves another chance but when you know in your heart of hearts that it is not going to get better you have to walk.

sallyjoseph

You're in a dilemma, clearly. I think you should talk it out with him. Lie once, you may lie again... so you just never know. Talk it out with him and see where he stands. It seems to me that your boyfriend must more concerned about getting high than having your trust. The most important thing in a relationship is trust and you seem like a good person as you are actually trying to make things work. However, if you trust him and like him, you seriously need to talk to him about it (i.e. rough times at home etc). Although if you are really happy with him, you COULD take his word and believe him (that you won't do it again). Either way, I would suggest talking to him about it.

LoveMeNow

Having a sincere talk with an active addict is a waste of time and energy. You are only talking to the drugs. Stay strong! Let your actions (NC) and self respect speak for themselves.

zoso77

I wouldn't waste your time being infuriated. This is an addict being an addict. It's what they do, and there's nothing you can do about it.

Take care of you.

ZoSo

constantlylearn

I am trying my best to let everything go.

You're right just an addict doing his "thing".

Still strong nc

Freedom1990

NC means just that...no contact. Why are you reading his text messages?