theladysabine

I'm one of those women who has always wanted children but can not have one of my own by any natural means. So I've spent my life being pseudo-mom to more young people than I can count. But there are a few who have been with me for most of their lives, and finding out that one has an opioid addiction that has overtaken her life - and is pregnant has been harder than I could ever have imagined.

I'm feeling a little clubbed over the head at the moment. Not because of the addiction or the combination of the pregnancy, but because I knew so little about how heartrendingly difficult this whole thing is going to be on her. I'm used to being a source of wisdom and comfort to her from my own life experience which I have examined with as much honesty as I can. But lacking experience in this, I acknowledge that I am wholly out of my depth.

I have no anger, no disappointment, and no blame in my heart.... only a sadness for what she will go through, because I can't take any of it away for her. The bedrock of our relationship has been openness, acceptance, and support. I know she didn't say anything until now because she thought I would be disappointed... we talked about that last night... that disappointment wasn't something she would find in me. I told her we all have our pits we find ourselves in by our own doing. I've been a on-again off-again smoker, I'm overweight... I know what self-destructive behaviors can do. But going nuts over wanting a drag or a cupcake when going through a the cyclic attempts at quitting and this, is like comparing a day of bad stormy surf to a tsunami. There is an epic magnitude of difference.

I imagine most people had a the same experience of 'knowing something wasn't right'. I even asked her a couple of months ago if she was doing meth, and she said no... because she wasn't, it was Oxy. She asked me last night if it made me feel good to have been right - and I said no.

This whole thing is so complicated, the ramifications for the baby and my girl, I don't want to screw it up. So I find myself wanting to draw from the experience of those who have found themselves in this place. What paths were taken as families, and how best to support her journey. I know I can't walk the path for her, but I sure don't have any intention of letting her walk it alone.

Thanks in advance for your thoughts.

Love & Light,

Victrinia

Lovestoomuch

((Hugs)) Oh wow...do I know what you're going through. I used to be a regular here because my boyfriend at the time was the addict in my life. Well he's been gone and I thought "Whew"...... Fast forward....I had my suspicions about 2 years ago that something wasn't right with my daughter. She would fall asleep sitting up with a cigarette in her hand. You couldn't understand anything she said because everything sounded so lethargic. I got really worried because she had my 3 year old grandson with her. Not something I wanted to picture in my mind....the house burning down, him not eating or being neglected. I'd ask her if she was on anything and she'd get extremely angry with me. She'd tell me if I ever asked her such a stupid question again she would never speak to me again. So I'd reluctantly let it go. Then I found myself paying her and her boyfriends rent, and other expenses because she wasn't working and supposedly his child support was taking the majority of his paycheck. A substantial amount of money was stolen from my home. She was the only one here.....fast forward. When it all finally came out she was taking Roxy's and Xanex. That escalated into crushing them up and snorting them. Well.....today.....she shoots them up. Never in my entire life had I heard of shooting up a pill. Talk about naive. You'd think after being with an addict for 4 years.....but he was on Meth. She's since lost her son to his father....and thank the good Lord his father is an awesome guy. She has no car, and just today finally got a job. She claims she hasn't used in a month, but I don't know. I had to distance myself. It's disheartening when you have to protect yourself from your own child. Does your girl want to quit? Is she willing to get help? I unfortunately had a hard time letting my baby hit bottom. That was the hardest thing I ever had to do.....and even with that said I'm not quite sure I let her hit it completely. I always thought it was hard to live with an addict who was just a boyfriend and I never could imagine what it was like to be the parent of one. I had the utmost admiration for those parents. Boyfriends and husbands you can easily walk away from once you're over it....but your child?? Not so much. My thoughts and prayers are with you both. I sincerely hope she finds her way for herself and for that baby.