Lily1918

let me start by saying I love grandma. she is a wonderful person. She acknowledges that she enabled the boo with money, but that's about it. she is a raging codie if I ever have met one, and not just because of her grandson, but because of her own childhood issues, like most of us here. The boos mom on the other hand, is codependent, but in a strong recovery that she has been working for years and years. Grandma often calls me just to discuss him, or the future and fear of relapse, and every conversation with her is always all about him. she doesn't ask about me, or how I am doing, or the children, and can speak of nothing else. It is sooooooo bad!!!! she is even WORSE now that he is in rehab. constantly worrying about things that are 6 months away. she does not understand how much a part of the problem she was and still could be except for giving him money. Mom is working recovery with me and coaching me to go back to school and get work and etc. we both are very close to going "limited contact" with grandma. she is very old, about 85 and knowing her life story she has struggled with codependency her entire life. she refuses Al anon, and only went to Pals (parents of addicted loved ones) once or twice. this is hard. Her own son, ( the boos dad) is an addict with 30ish years sober and she just is so blind I feel like Im dealing with an active addict. sorry for the vent I just don't see any way to handle this except to go limited contact because she is so old I wouldn't want to go no contact and have her die on me and regret it. I am already letting her calls go to voicemail about half of the time. her intentions are sooooo good. she is a good person ( pastors wife animal rescue gives to charity etc) but her behavior is toxic, and she's driving me CRAZY!!!!!!

constantlylearn

I just had to do that very same thing. Limited contact, it was a trigger for me and it wasn't safe for me to continue to engage with them.

It's so hard :/

LoveMeNow

Glad his mom is working her recovery and encouraging you to do so as well.

P.S. What does BOO stand for?

Lily1918

boyfriend Im trying not to focus on his addiction because i have a HUGE issue of dwelling on it. so when I type addict Boyfriend, or ABF it triggers me just calling him boo helps me detach from his addiction, step back and look at him as a person. I often use the drugs as an excuse for his behavior, so not calling him an addict takes away the excuses for the neglect if that makes sense?????? something someone suggested. pretend he isn't an addict, and look at how he treats you. is it acceptable????? Im not denying the addiction.... rambling sorry but yes. boo means bf.