cam76

Hi everyone. I've told some of my story here about how I had to throw my xabf out 2 weeks ago after our 4 year relationship. I was doing really well the past few days and had avoided all contact with him. Then early this morning he phoned to say he had been awake all night as he misses me, loves me and wants to try and work things out. I woke from being asleep so was taken aback by his comments. I stupidly agreed to meet him tomorrow. I then went to work and spent the day feeling hopeful, smiling and planning what to say to him tomorrow. But just an hour ago he phoned again and apologised for phoning me this morning. He said he had been drinking through the night and made a mistake by saying he wants me back. He again said he loves me but doesn't want a relationship with me. I was shocked and hurt and did what I swore I wouldn't do ... I begged him to reconsider!!! He wouldn't and now I feel like I'm back to day 1 and have lost all control of my situation. I'm hurting so bad and feel stupid.
I'm sorry for the rant I'm just confused, hurt, shocked and feel like I've been kicked in the stomach.

Lily1918

oh hugs to you!!!! Im so sorry for your pain. this has happened to me in the past with an alcoholic I once knew and it was just dreadful. in a way you are back day one. feels like a merry go round huh? I want you to know that you are valuable don't for a minute doubt it.

cam76

Thanks Lily, I just feel awful. Feel like I was being strong and taking control and now I have lost that.

LoveMeNow

I am sorry for your pain but there is an important lesson in this. He is not what you want him to be. He is showing you who he is ....believe him. Someday, you may even thank him!

The only way to make healthy choices is to get healthy.

Maylie

Don't get down on yourself because you had a little slip up. You are still strong and are more than capable of overcoming this. He has shown you time and time again that he puts himself and his addiction first, save yourself the pain of being let down constantly and go no contact. Work on yourself and find what makes you truely happy in life. He is going to keep doing his thing, the question is, when are you going to start doing your own thing?

hugs

Maylie

KariSue

You're only human. We all do things we regret. Hang in there and keep trying. Do something nice for yourself. You deserve it!

So sorry you are in pain.

Hugs, Kari

Lara

This is just typical of an addict. The challenge here for you now - is not to spend hours and hours going over it all in your head...debating whether he really does want to get togetherl; really he does really love you; whether it's just the addict in him saying the hurtful things; or is this really how he feels... blah blah blah... the internal debate can make you go crazy!!!! You are dealing with an addict who not only is physically ill with addiction - but far more critical and damaging to the rest of us (the non addict loved one) is that they are truly mentally ill. They don't fire on all cylinders. They don't know half the time if they are coming or going. So it is COMPLETELY impossible to every believe a word they say - good or bad. Going NO CONTACT is the only way you can find some peace for YOURSELF - and it allows the dust to settle. The murky waters become clearer - so it will be easier for you to see the situation 'objectively'......

broken101

I feel your pain cam...even after my ex cheated on me only a week ago i called him ask for his forgivness like I did something worng and ask for another chance and he said NO to me...I felt like a complete a**. but this is who he is an addict, my ex was completely drunk or high the day he cheated when I called him but he will not stop drinking. Let take the step together to move on....I am with you....