From Husband now to Son
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Hope Land
Posts: 666
From Husband now to Son
Good Morning Everyone...I am Rose and spent a few year on this forum...due to my now ex husbands drug addition and now going through it with my son. I am sure many here will remember me and hello to all the knew faces...
Rose
Rose
but I am sorry for the reasons why though. 
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Hi Rose, sorry that you are having to face this situation, once again. There is no one that will ever convince me that the gene that predisposes one to addiction is not passed on.
We are here for you, keep posting.
We are here for you, keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
Hello Rose. Welcome back. Yes I do remember you.
I thought when I divorced my husband and gave my children a home free of active addiction that I was done with it. My oldest two sons did fine. The last child was about to finish up high school, and I thought everything was going well. Then that last child starting exhibiting problems which turned out to be drug use/abuse. I was devastated.
But I found my way back to the tables of Al-Anon - and then I discovered this site. Al-Anon and SR have been my survival.
Your son is fortunate that you have the knowledge you have. You will not be wallowing in enabling for as long with him because of your past experience. And so he will benefit in the long run.
Welcome back. Lots of ((((hugs)))) for you!!!!
Sojourner
I thought when I divorced my husband and gave my children a home free of active addiction that I was done with it. My oldest two sons did fine. The last child was about to finish up high school, and I thought everything was going well. Then that last child starting exhibiting problems which turned out to be drug use/abuse. I was devastated.
But I found my way back to the tables of Al-Anon - and then I discovered this site. Al-Anon and SR have been my survival.
Your son is fortunate that you have the knowledge you have. You will not be wallowing in enabling for as long with him because of your past experience. And so he will benefit in the long run.
Welcome back. Lots of ((((hugs)))) for you!!!!
Sojourner
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by dollydo 
Hi Rose, sorry that you are having to face this situation, once again. There is no one that will ever convince me that the gene that predisposes one to addiction is not passed on.
We are here for you, keep posting.
We are here for you, keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: SouthEast
Posts: 159
Hello Rose! I am another that thought the crazy would stop after getting out of a relationship with an addict. I agree, I believe the gene is passed on too.
My son was a behavior problem from the day he was born and started using at a very early age, he is now 34.
About 2 months ago my AS was texting me for 'food money' and when I said no he threatened suicide and said he would steal and go to prison and it would be my fault.
After about 20 years of this with my AS I gave reached my rock bottom. As painful as it is I have finally said no more. I am retired and it is time for me!
Anyone not having the situation that we do would say we are very cold hearted, they have never walked in our shoes. Some days are sad but overall I have peace now that I am out of his drama.
(((huggs and blessings for us all)))
My son was a behavior problem from the day he was born and started using at a very early age, he is now 34.
About 2 months ago my AS was texting me for 'food money' and when I said no he threatened suicide and said he would steal and go to prison and it would be my fault.
After about 20 years of this with my AS I gave reached my rock bottom. As painful as it is I have finally said no more. I am retired and it is time for me!
Anyone not having the situation that we do would say we are very cold hearted, they have never walked in our shoes. Some days are sad but overall I have peace now that I am out of his drama.
(((huggs and blessings for us all)))
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Hi Rose, it's good to see you again but I am so very sorry about your son.
It must be terrible for you to find yourself again facing addiction stealing a loved one from you.
My prayers go out for you and your son, that your recovery sees you strong until he finds his.
Hugs from an old friend
It must be terrible for you to find yourself again facing addiction stealing a loved one from you.
My prayers go out for you and your son, that your recovery sees you strong until he finds his.
Hugs from an old friend
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Hi Rose
I remember you as we'll. I'm so sorry that you findyourself back here due to your son. I am another who thought that addiction away out of my life when I left my XAH almost 30 years ago. But my son also had that genetic predisposition.
I found it much easier to leave my husband. I wallowed in desperation for waaaaay too long with my son. It is possible to let go of them with love though it is hard.
There's a whole Posse of Mamas here to walk and talk with you.
gentle hugs
ke
I remember you as we'll. I'm so sorry that you findyourself back here due to your son. I am another who thought that addiction away out of my life when I left my XAH almost 30 years ago. But my son also had that genetic predisposition.
I found it much easier to leave my husband. I wallowed in desperation for waaaaay too long with my son. It is possible to let go of them with love though it is hard.
There's a whole Posse of Mamas here to walk and talk with you.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: not sure
Posts: 452
Rose, I'm so sorry for your situation, but happy that you are able to back off and find some sanity in your life. You are right. Most people who haven't walked this mile wouldn't understand, but we do. Bless you, dear one.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Hope Land
Posts: 666
Hi everyone and thank you for the warm welcome back. Its is my older son 23 with addiction, oxy, cocaine and who know what else. I do believe the stats are a child with an addicted parent has a 50/50 chance of following in their footsteps. My younger son 21 detests drugs and will not even be in the same room as his brother..all the normal addict behavior stealing pawning, lying ect. My possessions under lock and key. He has been living with me and he knows me to a T...$20 dollars me to death...I have been a huge enabler and in the worst case of not excepting it or in Denial. My youngest son has a friend who left his wallet with $400 in it plus his brand knew iphone in my car..this boy has no parents and works his butt off making hamburger for low wage. My heart was broke for him as I knew my son had found it and took it...though I could not prove it, but my heart knew. I felt such shame of having a son that would do such a thing to this , of course he denied it and I had to let it go at that. I felt so low in this deep dark black hole this weekend feeling my life is really worthless, have had so much sad and upset...I tried taking my life...I was released and came straight her and tomorrow night back to m nar anon meetings
Rose
Rose
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Dear Rose, I was not around back in your original time on the site, but I have a similar situation. My oldest son is a heroin addict. He is 22. He stole from us not once, not twice, not thrice, but FOUR times and is now in jail on burglary charges from those occasions. I hope you know that you did not cause it, you cannot cure it and you cannot control it (a blast from the past phrase).
Please know that taking your life would rob your other child of his Mom. He also doesn't deserve to live in fear and loathing of the addict. Have you created your boundaries with your oldest son? If he steals from you, don't hesitate to press charges. I am praying my son has hit his bottom and finally chooses the path of sobriety and a real life.
We do call ourselves a Mamma Posse, saddle up and ride a bit why don't you?
Hugs,
Teresa
Please know that taking your life would rob your other child of his Mom. He also doesn't deserve to live in fear and loathing of the addict. Have you created your boundaries with your oldest son? If he steals from you, don't hesitate to press charges. I am praying my son has hit his bottom and finally chooses the path of sobriety and a real life.
We do call ourselves a Mamma Posse, saddle up and ride a bit why don't you?
Hugs,
Teresa
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Rose!! :ghug3
I am glad to read that you are going back Naranon, but for me Alanon or Naranon was not enough. I needed a therapist as well.
Lately, I have been feeling depressed for many reasons too. However, I will not wear the shame of other people's choices. I hope you wont either.
Our lives can not defined by our children and their choices. We are far more then just being their mother. We did the best we could with the tools we had. The rest is up to them. Maybe it times for him to leave the nest! Just a thought!!
Its time to start to taking good care of YOU!!
One more :ghug3 for you!!
I am glad to read that you are going back Naranon, but for me Alanon or Naranon was not enough. I needed a therapist as well.
Lately, I have been feeling depressed for many reasons too. However, I will not wear the shame of other people's choices. I hope you wont either.
Our lives can not defined by our children and their choices. We are far more then just being their mother. We did the best we could with the tools we had. The rest is up to them. Maybe it times for him to leave the nest! Just a thought!!
Its time to start to taking good care of YOU!!
One more :ghug3 for you!!
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