Dear Rose, I was not around back in your original time on the site, but I have a similar situation. My oldest son is a heroin addict. He is 22. He stole from us not once, not twice, not thrice, but FOUR times and is now in jail on burglary charges from those occasions. I hope you know that you did not cause it, you cannot cure it and you cannot control it (a blast from the past phrase).
Please know that taking your life would rob your other child of his Mom. He also doesn't deserve to live in fear and loathing of the addict. Have you created your boundaries with your oldest son? If he steals from you, don't hesitate to press charges. I am praying my son has hit his bottom and finally chooses the path of sobriety and a real life.
We do call ourselves a Mamma Posse, saddle up and ride a bit why don't you?
Hugs,
Teresa