allforcnm

When my son was born, my husband was in active addiction and had no contact with us. His parents are good people, and I wanted my son to get to know his grandparents and for them all to have a special connection. I think I felt strongly about this because I had good memories of my grandparents, and I treasure them. I envisioned my son doing the things like KindEyes mentioned; trips to museums, an overnight sleepover so my son feels like a big boy (when he gets older), trips to the park and indulging him with sweets.

What happened with me is that it went fine until my husband came home and asked for help and then entered rehab.

I realized then I had been mostly catering to the convenience of my inlaws. It had not bothered me until this point, I hadn't even recognized it, but now I was stressed out, and I started feeling like they should know this and try harder to accommodate times that were easier for me. Plus, I had some feelings of anger towards his mom especially because I felt she wasn't offering enough support to my husband who was in treatment and I see now this subconsciously affected our interactions.

What I learned with help from my Mom mostly was that I was responsible for advising them of my feelings, and letting them know I wanted to encourage the interaction with them and their grandson, but it needed to be convenient and a positive experience for all of us. So I ended up talking to them, and we worked it out. honestly I don't think they meant to take advantage of my time and once explained, they did better.

To know better, is to do better.

And I also learned, his parents had a right to their own feeling and responses to my husbands recovery, and I needed to respect that. Mostly I kept these feeling inside and they never knew fortunately.

I've no idea what the real moral of my story is... except honest communication where possible with your inlaws. And I agree if they are dysfunctional, then the best interest of your child comes first.