angelbaby925

So, my bf or x... Not sure which one now, has fallen off the wagon after being four months sober. Went on a binge for 4 days... Non stop drinking and drugs. Lost his place to live I think. And now is in detox. He stole money from his friend, and while drunk tried to get his friends at his sle to drink and get him drugs. I couldn't find him for a couple days and when I did I decided to take him straight to a mental hospital, completely put of his mind. They wouldn't except him because he was 4 times over the legal limit. Awesome. I don't even know what to do now... Do I stay? Do I go? I know relapses happen in recovery... But?? Ugh. I just don't know.

GardenMama

Sorry to hear about this...I don't have any advice except to say that if you keep working on yourself, the answer will become clear. I love and have found much strength in a phrase I read here: More will be revealed. Take care of yourself first and see what he does, and perhaps no more rescuing??

secondwind

Sorry to hear he is back to using. It is so frustrating to watch ones we love to pick up using again after a period of soberity.

I used to chase my Addicted Other around when he went on binges. I have rode my preteen daughter's bike after him. I have twice attempted to stand in front of the car he was driving. I have worried myself to death wondering Where? When he would be gone late at night. I drove myself crazy.

I found peace when i stopped chasing him or looking for him.

Whether you stay involved or not is your decision. You need to make the best decision for yourself though.

Maybe stepping back and seeing what steps he takes after detox. His actions will speak clearly on what kind of life he plans to have.

Carrie

helpme33

AB no one can tell you what to do because each addict is different. I know people that were homless and living on the street, doing heavy drugs.

Today three I know personally have college degrees, good jobs, great children. No one that did not know of their past would ever believe it if I told them.

Then my case, I tried over and over with my EXAH and it seemed he only got worse each tome he relapsed. We lost our home, he was fired from a Fortune 500 company for selling drugs from the company vehicle. Many short term affairs to the point of moving in with one when I was 4 months pregnant.

I let his family and him guilt me into to staying and when I was finally strong enough to leave things got nasty.

My gut said to leave long before I did, I should have listened. Take care of yourself and let him work this out. Let him prove that he wants to stay clean. A relationship with an addict is not for the faint of heart.

(((huggs ands blessings for us all)))

zoso77

AngelBaby,

It's not anyone's place to tell you whether you should stay or leave. It's such a personal decision, and it's one that you and only you can make.

That said, what I will tell you is there comes a time we have to make decisions based on what we know to be true as opposed to what our heart may tell us. An addict is like a big, big container with a big, big hole in the bottom; your pour in love, and it goes right out the bottom.

So, make your decisions based on everything you know to be true, and then hand it over to God.

Best,
ZoSo

dollydo

It is your decision whether to stay or not. The truth is that he is not in recovery, relapse is not a part of recovery, it is part of addiction. Sounds like he is a binge user, many can go months without using, then bam, off they go. My ex was a hard core binger. That was his MO.

I couldn't/wouldn't live that way, I let him go..for me, it was the right decision.

crazybabie

I don't know if you have read any of the books suggested before Codependent No More, Women who Love to Much, or if you have been to any meetings your post tells what he is doing what about you what are you doing for yourself?

angelbaby925

There are very little alanon meeting around me or that work around my busy schedule. So this site is all I have. But, we will see what happens. I just got off the phone with him and I guess he's going back to the same program after a couple days of detox. I told him idk what to do, but what I do know is we need to worry about ourselves first. Not only his recovery, but his medical and court stuff. His drinking will cause him to die since he has hep b and c, also early signs off cerosis. I have so many things to worry about, that I just can't waste my time worrying about him. That's why last time I left for almost a year. So, I know I can do it... I just don't know what I want right now.

dollydo

"I have so many things to worry about, that I just can't waste my time worrying about him."

So true, took me forever to realize that I had to put me first, plus my worrying did nothing except make me physically and mentally sick, it was a total waste of my time and effort and it didn't change a thing, the outcome was still the same.

Take care of you in 2013!

crazybabie

We have a meeting here on Wednesday nights at 9:00 pm eastern time if you wanna try it let us know and someone can message you the password it is a start. ")

GardenMama

And get the books that have been mentioned...read a little bit every single day, even if it is just a page or two, in the morning when you wake or at bedtime. I did this for several months recently and it has really helped. Even when I did not think it was sinking in, because I was distracted or tired, it was. I really recommend CoDependent No More or The New CoDependency both by Melodie Beattie. And please don't say you don't have time to think about your own recovery--in some cases, that is all we have, otherwise we are goners. Peace.