SoulKat

My husband is an alcoholic and sober for nearly 30 years. However, he smokes pot every day. If he has trouble getting some when he runs out he can be really cranky to live with. I am new to recovery (I'm an alcoholic) and he takes this superior attitude because he hasn't had a drink since forever but says it's okay to smoke dope because it's never caused a problem. This ticks me off to the max. I actually feel resentful when he has to smoke pot all the way to a family visit with his parents just so he can "deal" but I have to learn to deal without anything. I don't mean to rant. My question is just simply, is his behavior acceptable? Is it okay to smoke dope in place of drinking? Everytime I tried to throw that back at him when we would have arguments about my drinking he would say I was trying to divert the subject, yada yada.

wow04

I have been in NA and AA for over 10 years. To me a drug is a drug. If I smoke pot I am not sober. Anything that alters my mind is me relapsing. It sounds to me that he traded one addiction for another.

Is he in AA?

Ann

All he did was trade one drug for another. I don't see the pride in that.

Congratulations on your own sobriety. Let that be your focus right now.

Glad you are here.

Hugs

bryangt

He stated he is smoking pot to "deal" with certain things...I drank to deal with things...so what is the difference? As stated before--a drug is a drug...Clean & sober means without the use of mind altering substances...pot & booze fall into that category. Problem is, he has NOT been drinking for 30 years & hats off to him. But he does use a crutch (pot). To me, if I smoked put, (to thine own self be true) I would not consider myself sober (or clean).

SundaysChild

He's not sober. However, that's his business.

Your sobriety, and your boundaries, are your business.

dollydo

Not to me. IMO he has just switched addictions.

Congrats on your recovery!

kmangel

I think you know the answer to your question. It is okay for him but not you. If it isn't an addiction then he could drop smoking just because you want him to--but you know he isn't going to go along with that request. So, you will be sober and he won't be.

Don't let his use sway your sobriety. Good for you! Keep it up, working on yourself. It can be disheartening when our spouses don't do what is in their best interest but we can only change ourselves.

outtolunch

Regardless of what you say or do, he's going to live his life as he sees fit to do. Trying to control or change his behavior causes mutual rersentments and does not work.

You alone decide what behaviors are unacceptable to you ( a boundary) and prepare to remove yourself from the situation ( taking responsibiliy for your own boundary).

miamifella

Did you really not see that he was giving you a load of bs about this? Trust your own common sense!

SoulKat

Thank you everyone for your awesome responses. You all confirmed what I was already thinking in my heart or gave me a new way of looking at it. I am most appreciative.

ErraticEuphoria

All's you call that is substitution of substances. From my personal experience with this FAULTY method is that it will eventually most likely lead back to his substance of choice.