RichM

I would first like to thank everyone who has posted on here. My wife and I have been lurkers for a while now but before then, I didn’t really have anything to add.

We had a first step with our 23 year old son who is addicted to oxy. He has finally admitted to us that he has a serious problem with it. We have had suspicions for about 8 months now but he would always deny it. While we know that it will be a LONG journey, we are both relieved that he finally come forward (baby steps). He says he is ready to get better and that he never thought in a million years his life would turn out like this. Like many of you who have children in this predicament, he is a super kid, hard working, huge heart, etc. but has this demon that hopefully he is ready to beat. He is definitely a functioning addict. His girlfriend doesn’t even know about the problem.

So my question is, where do we start to guide him? He does have good insurance that will cover him but it is Saturday and he wants to start today (not sure if clinics will see him). He will be coming home after work so we can come up with a plan. The problem is, my wife and I have no idea what to do. Should we take him to the ER so he can see a specialists? Maybe an Urgent Care? This is where we need help. We don’t know where to start. For the record, my wife and I would prefer him to go to detox right away but he is very concerned about his job so he is already talking about doing some out-patient stuff. His days off are Tuesday and Wednesday. We have no clue what to do if we can’t get him to see anyone until then. Any help on the first step would be GREATLY appreciated.

Thank you again,
Rich

Ann

Welcome Rich, my son is an addict also, so I know how painful this is for you and your wife...and for your son too.

If you have read around here, you know that all you can do is encourage any positive moves he wants to make, in the end it is he who must make them.

Often a rehab will require you to detox first, and detoxing from oxy's can be nasty business because he will become very very sick. So my thoughts are to perhaps find a Detox or Withdrawl Management clinic near you (you can call the hospitals and they may be able to refer you to a phone number) and then have your son call when he is ready to go.

I know that when I lived in Toronto and my son was looking for detox, I sometimes took him right there to the door, because often they would take him immediately where phoning sometimes resulted in them telling us they were full. Usually they have a few emergency beds for cases like your son who cannot safely detox on his own.

And if he wants to go to a rehab, the Salvation Army has a good program and it is free. I suggest this, as there is no need to spend thousands of dollars for plush surroundings. Good program and a willingness to get clean and stay clean are really all that is important, and "willingness" is the key word here.

My prayers go out for all of you, that he will follow through and find a better path soon.

Please let us know how this unfolds and no matter what the result, we are here for support anytime you care to share.

Hugs
Ann

tjp613

It would be difficult I think to detox without taking a few days off at least...my son has needed 5 full days of medically assisted detox to feel halfway human. He could do an intensive outpatient program for his treatment.

I would start by calling the insurance co and see what rehabs in their network are available to provide the treatment he needs. Most have specialists available to help walk him thru the process. Most rehabs (detox) accept clients 24/7.

RichM

Thanks so much for the responses on this. We have pretty much come to the conclusion that he is going to need a few days off. As stated in my original post, we know that this is the first step in a long journey but I do feel somewhat better that he has admitted to the abuse.

I think I turned the corner today as well. I think I have gone from being made to truly realizing that this is a disease.

Thanks again all,

Rich

tjp613

Best of luck to you all, Rich.

Ilovemysonjj

Hello Rich, another Mom of an opiate addict. The detox process is at least 3 up to 5 days. They peak with their withdrawals around 72 hours since the last dose. With our son, the first time he admitted to the problem, I took him to the emergency room and they had him set up for immediate appointment with our IOP program. The doctor prescribed a small amount of valium and three other medicines for nausea, bone pain and anxiety. (first time was an at home detox). My son was lucid until the second day and then he started having DT's and hallucinations BUT he as perfectly fine by the 4th day and we went to Hawaii on our planned vacation only 8 days after he detoxed. I would recommend an inpatient detox if you can find one. If he starts today, he will be feeling the full withdrawals by Monday. I also recommend that you get some immediate help for YOU and your family on how to deal with early recovery and understanding the addiction patterns. Sadly, we think this is like the flu or some other disease and that our loved ones are magically "cured" when they stop doing the drug. It is not like that and it is a good idea for you and your wife to be prepared for all that lies ahead to support your sons decision to claim his life back.
We are all wishing you and your family the very best.
Teresa

LoveMeNow

My suggestion is to seek out a NA meeting and ask for advice from some of the people there. If he is honest with them about how much he using, they will know if he needs a detox and where to find help. Your son will find many supportive people there who have been where he is at.

My prayers go out to you and your family.

kmangel

My son tried to detox on his own before he went to rehab. He would be clean for a while and then pick it back up. He wasn't doing anything other than detoxing so whatever led him to use in the first place was not replaced with anything else. Therefore encourage your son to continue working on recovery after the drugs have left his body.

LoveMeNow

Oh yes, he will need to work some kind of recovery program. His addiction will be screaming for the drugs. It's not easy but it's doable.

My Godchild was taking oxy's her last year of college, became an addict, worked an IOP, and has been clean from pills ever since. But she wasn't vigilant about her recovery after while and thought she could drink socially, but she learned quickly that she couldn't. She got a very good therapist (a recovering addict), has gone back to AA, made several changes in her life and has never been happier.

allforcnm

Hi Rich,

My husband was also hooked on opiates. He tried to detox at home and also became very sick, and we actually took him to the hospital. His was a little more complicated because he was also taking Xanax which is a benzo, and they have different withdrawals.

What we ended up doing; and it was wonderful in our case; would highly recommend: He opted for a procedure called Rapid Opiate Detoxification. You have to be admitted either to a hospital, or a special detox center where they have the proper ER type equipment; you have to be under anesthesia, etc. But my husband detoxed in about 8 hours, and then it took him a couple days of being monitored and he was done with opiates in his body.

Part of this procedure; after you complete the detox process and all opiates are removed; they give you an injection of a drug called Naltrexone which is an opiate blocker. It wont allow your body to absorb opiates if you were to get high, and it also helps reduce any cravings. While it does have some potential side effects, my husband did not have anything significant while he was on it. I have read about several people on here using this drug and it has had wonderful results. ( This is not like other drugs used to help detox like Suboxone as that has addictive properties also, and many people get hooked on that for long periods of time.)

You can also get the naltrexone (aka vivitrol) medication in oral form, or by injection if you detox on your own; but all the drug has to be removed before this can happen.

Rapid detox and the use of naltrexone are meant to be in conjunction with follow up care also; for the mental aspects. My husband first went to a non-12 step rehab, and now he works with a private therapist once a week. He is six months clean, back at work, etc. (his work allowed him time off for rehab, and insurance paid a big chunk of that also, or we probably would not have done inpatient).

The rapid detox was not covered by our insurance and they cost anywhere between 10k and 20k from my experience, but the medication Naltrexone should be covered by insurance, as well as the therapist quite possibly .

Hope this helps a bit; you can google all these things for more information; or just inquire with your doctor. (if I can be of more information on what we did, just send me a p.message),

Best of luck to your son and your family.

SeekingGrowth

Welcome, Rich. Thought I'd chime in with some additional information. There are different schools of thought on the ROD procedure. It is riskier than a normal detox because you are under anesthesia; it often is not covered by insurance and is very expensive; and some suggest that some discomfort during withdrawal is a good thing because it can become part of your association with drug use and provide a reminder of why you don't want to start back up again (may or may not be helpful - depends on whether the addict can become disciplined enough to "play the tape all the way through"). Since opiate withdrawal is not physically dangerous and lasts only 3-5 days, most people do not opt for the expensive ROD procedure.

Regarding naltrexone - it's been around awhile and has not been very successful in treating opiate dependence because while it blocks the effects of opiates, it doesn't do much for the cravings. As a result, when an addict is faced with the choice of taking a naltrexone pill every day or relapsing, he often doesn't have the discipline to stick with the naltrexone. Vivitrol is a fairly new drug that is an extended release naltrexone available by injection. The beauty of this drug is that it is effective for a month -- once taken, the addict can't get high for a month even if he takes his DOC. A potential downside is risk of overdose, when the addict TRIES to overcome the blocking effect to get high, or after his dose wears off and he doesn't realize that his tolerance to his DOC has been greatly reduced.

Opiate addiction is tough to kick, especially for young people. I would suggest in-patient detox, as opposed to trying to do this on an outpatient basis. Quite frankly, I would opt for inpatient rehab, not just detox, but I understand your son's concern about his job. I would also inquire as to the facility's approach to detox. I think that most use medication to ease the withdrawal symptoms, but there are some that think cold turkey is the way to go, which I personally see no need for. I volunteer at a rehab facility that uses a variety of medications during opiate detox, including suboxone. A prior poster mentioned that suboxone is addictive, which is most certainly true, but not if used for only a few days during detox, as many facilities do to ease opiate withdrawal symptoms. Note that I said ease, not eliminate - it's still not a comfortable experience. Suboxone is a "partial opioid agonist," which means that it is basically an opiate-like drug with a ceiling on its ability to get one high.

Last point - there are few opiate addicts who can "stay stopped" with minimal effort. A strong desire to stay clean is essential to success, but is often not enough. What is usually required is long-term working of a STRONG recovery program, and daily recovery work at least during the first months of recovery. To recover, an addict has to change his life. He can't simply detox, then go about his business, leading his old life with the drug simply out of the equation. That approach pretty much never works.

Hope this helps.

allforcnm

Just wanted to add in here; my husband did have to undergo a complete physical exam, bloodwork, xrays, check his heart etc. before the procedure was done.

I agree that some people do have the menatlity that one needs to suffer through detox in order to prevent relapse. But I personally think that it is not necessary to suffer when you dont have to. I have also heard of people postponing detox, or trying to use various tapering methods to reduce the withdrawals in order to stop; and quite often they dont make it through the detox at all.

Also, what we were told is that while the major symptoms of withdrawal last 5-7 days; overall it takes the body weeks to level out where a person is feeling good. With the Rapid detoxification; we were told husband would bypass this and it would be like he had already detoxed for over 2 weeks.
Many of your internal organs are affected by the opiates / detox process, and the rapid detox seems to allow for a quicker recovery overall. But it does have its dangers and that is why he had to remain hospitalized for a few days to monitor all his organs and make sure everything was fine. He had no issues with the process fortunately.

In some cases if you have a patient that is in ill heath (deteriorated from severe drug use, etc) then they might advise an alternative method.

As far as the Naltrexone (vivitrol) my husband had an injection tht lasted a month, but they also have something that is slow release that will last up to three months I believe and it is implanted under the skin. I know of others that go monthly for a shot, or take pills (but yes you would have to be dedicated to your recovery to do this).

Ann

Before he attempts any method of detoxification he should consult his own doctor. This is very important.

RichM

Wow, what a great bunch of responses. Thanks so much to all. Well we had our sit down last night with my son, wife and I when he returned from work. Lots of tears and emotion but we got through it. Ill try not to get too long winded on this but here is a breakdown on what happened.

Once he sat down, I told him how proud of him we were to FINALLY admitting his problem. Once he heard that, he broke down. My wife (mothers do a great job at recognizing emotions in their sons) quickly realized that he was feeling ashamed and embarrassed and told him not to feel this way and that we loved him. He said that he can’t help it and he cannot believe where his life is at right now.

We gave him a couple of options. The first was to do an inpatient detox or even a medically supervised “at home” detox where my wife and I would take time off from work to be with him. He quickly shot that down (more on that later). Then we talked about out-patient stuff. When it was brought up, he had obviously been looking into it already. He knew where to go, what was expected and what was involved. So we will be calling tomorrow to get more information and when we can get him in there. For the record, my wife and I are “all in” for inpatient detox but that isn’t an option for him and we cant make him go (frustrating). The out-patient detox is a taper program (yes we know the odds on that aren’t very good) with suboxone. Very concerned about that but it is medically supervised and again, this is our first “intervention” with him so at least it is a start. For the record im not holding my breath on a success the first time.

I asked him what is concerns where and he said “work” and “my girlfriend finding out”. 90% of me doesn’t really care about those 2 things as we want our son to get better. But part of me is VERY happy that he found a young lady who is NOT a user that really cares about him. My wife and I were concerned that she was a user, or worse yet, he would turn her into one. We really like her and that was a concern of ours. I also feel fortunate that he has a job that he truly cares about and is very dedicated to. It’s good paying for a 23 year old kid and he is good at it. Still a little torn on all that but again, since this is his first attempt ill let him try it his way.

My wife told him that he needed to separate from his drug user “friends” right away. He broke down again and told us that we wouldn’t know any of them and that he has for the past 2 months (once he realized the GF thing was getting a bit serious). He said he has 2 groups of friends, the normal ones we know and the druggie ones (who we don’t). His normal friends know that he uses the oxy and a couple have even pulled him aside and asked if they should be concerned. My son said “no” and he only used a little bit at parties just for fun. During this you could again tell that he was ashamed that his true friends would be disappointed in him. I was surprised that he was leading a double life but not shocked. I’m not sure what that means but I guess I should be happy that he hasn’t “sold out” everything for the drugs.
I then told him we would be doing it his way for 60 days. If after 60 days of out-patient treatment that if it didnt work, then into detox he goes. This didn’t go well. He said he cant be locked up in a hospital or at home. He said the drugs just had too much control over him and they would be “calling him” after a while. This scared the hell out of me but we stood firm. We circled a day on the calendar as his “improvement date” and he finally agreed. We told him if he didn’t stand by his word then we were done. This was really the only “tough love” that we gave him.

We ended with that if he truly wanted to get better he needed our support. We told him that we would be involved every step of the way. He agreed and said he might not be a “good guy” for a while. We told him we understood and that we would be a pain in the neck to him as well. Kind of like when he was in High School. Where are you going? Who is going to be there? Etc. He said he wanted that so we shall see. We also told him that his life started today (yesterday when we talked) and that we wouldn’t judge him on anything he has done in the past. He shook his head and cried again.
As for the detox, we are just going to turn it over to the professionals. As stated before, my wife and I are all for in-patient detox but we can’t force him. We’ll just turn him over to the pros. My son said he would like my wife involved . We told him that he isn’t 15 anymore and that he would have to sign some sort of release with her name on it. He said he would. He also wants to get a sponsor ASAP so we picked out a few NA meetings for this week that are close. We told him we would bring him there.

I know we probably did a million things wrong in our “talk” but Im not going to beat myself up about it. Ill be looking for a meeting next week for me to take care of myself. I don’t think my wife is ready for that yet but I will be there for her when she is.

One question I have for the group is this: The only technical thing we asked him was how long he could go before with drawls started after he took his last dosage. He said anywhere from 12-18 hours. Is that normal? We didn’t ask how he was taking it (swallowing, snorting, etc) or how much he was taking, just when the symptoms started. He just said that from the time he takes a dosage, he is “normal” for about 12-18 hours where he doesn’t need a fix. Once again, is this normal or is it worse than most other opiate addicts feel?

Oh, one last thing that made we feel a little better. He stayed up with me last night and we were watching some football. He turned to me and said that he felt like he lost a 200 pound weight off his back by coming clean to us and he is still scared but a little excited to get his life back as well as all the money that he is spending on the opiates. So in a nutshell he is telling us good things but of course my wife and I are from the school that actions mean more than words.

Thanks again for everything and Ill keep you posted as it is therapeutic for me to write it all out.
Rich

Ann

Good luck Rich and prayers going out for your son.

Hugs

tjp613

Sounds like a very stressful but productive evening for everyone!

The one red flag that jumps out at me is that he isn't willing to be honest with his girlfriend.

She deserves to know the truth about who she is involved with. Being addicted to opiates is a BIG DEAL. And this isn't going to just go away when the drugs are out of his system. IMHO, hiding this from her is a huge mistake and in the end will compromise his recovery.

If you play the tape loop all the way thru to the end, things become clearer. Let's say he manages to keep this secret but he's been relapsing off and on and 2 years from now they've gotten married and have a baby on the way. And she finds out that all along he's had this drug problem -- way before they got married -- and he never told her. Can you just imagine the devastation to all concerned?

If he's honest with her and loses her, then that is her choice and a natural consequence of HIS choices. That's life.

RichM

I 100% agree with this. A little background on my family. I am a 20 year Amry guy who has been retired for 6 years. I was in from the ages of 18-38 so my feeling on having a great women in your life might not be the norm. My wife and I were married at 19 & 18 and had our first child (daughter) at 20 & 19. Our son was born a year after that.

For 3 of my 20 years I was fortunate enough to be a Drill Sergeant. I used to get all kinds of recruits that would come up to me saying they got "Dear John/Jane" letters. Of course they would be real upset. I would always tell them that it was best to find out now before they got married. If their girlfriend/boyfriend couldnt stick by them for 8 weeks, how the heck would they stand by them if they were deployed for a year?

I really wanted to tell him that he OWED it to her to say something last night but didnt. If she cares about him as much as I think she does, she will be supportive.

My wife and I were just talking about this before I read your response. We are going to "suggest" that he tell her and even explain to her that she is a big reason for getting clean. I really think she will be helpful and supportive but then again, I dont know her family history (father/mother/sibling could have had an issue in the past, etc.) so she might walk. When he gets home from work tonight we are going to suggest this to him.

In a nutshell, my feeling is if she is "the one" she will support him through his first attempt and getting better, if not, then she isnt.

Thanks again,
Rich

tjp613

Oh, and this! I recognize this logic....my son used it to sign himself out of rehab. "This place is driving me crazy! I can't stay here! The stress is making me crave!"....and then he left and used within hours. Sounds to me like your son is planning an escape hatch if the cravings become overwhelming. And, at some point, they will.

Just be prepared is all I'm saying. There are some holes in his plan and chances are good that things will unravel. Normally (not always) it takes several attempts at recovery and often some painful consequences are experienced before they finally "get it".

Ilovemysonjj

Dear Rich, I just wanted to send a quick note that supports that both you AND your wife are partnering together to help your son. Just be alert, watch the actions not the words and seek help for you to educate on the addictive behaviors. IOP is a good start but as many of us here have learned, there needs to be a solid plan of ongoing support that the addict must commit to, including meetings and support systems with fellow recovering addicts. Does your son still live with you at home?

RichM

Yes he still lives with us. He is home now as he finished up work early. I can tell that he is starting to get withdrawl symptoms. They arent too bad as he is laughing and talking with us but we can tell he is "off" right now.

We are hoping to get him to a counselor tomorrow afternoon as Monday is a light day for him at work. After that, he will be attending his first NA meeting.

It is kind of weird (in a good way) at home. We are watching football and he is being very open about his usage with us and what his plan is. After months of lying, it is kind of refreshing. Even he said he doesnt feel weird talking to us about it. Which is a miracle in itelf as we are a very private family that doesnt do to well in showing emotions to each other. Yes that is a fault with us (me mostly) but we all know we love each other very much, we just dont say it often (again, me mostly).

To all those giving warnings, thanks so much and please keep them coming. Trust me when I say that I am an "actions speak more then words" kind of guy. 20 years in the service will get you to that.

Thanks again everyone,

Rich