mfox

I am staying busy, working on my house, spending time with my kids, trying to figure out a way to put the pieces back together that I let fall apart, reading what I can, going to meetings, reading posts on this site and just trying to be strong. It's still hard to let go of the feelings for him - and I'm honestly not sure I'm ready to do that or want to. So I guess I am still clinging to the HOPE that he can get through this and I can still love him. Perhaps that really is foolish, but I'm just being honest. I'm trying not to feel responsible for helping him. He knows I love him. And that is all I can give him right now.

The irony is that everyone I know sees me as being this strong, independent fighter. And as a general rule, I am. I have fought to create a great life for myself and my kids and haven't relied on anyone else to do that for me - at least since my divorce 12 years ago. How is it that this makes me feel so weak and helpless?

hello-kitty

I understand love. And there is always hope. I still hope my ex will get clean and sober and reach out to his child, even though it's been 4 years now. I would work on boundaries - even while you cling to hope. Hope and love aren't mutually exclusive to boundaries. The most healthy relationships have boundaries. Write them down. Make sure they are enforceable. Boundaries don't have to be geared towards him. They are "I" statements. They should be a clear set of guidelines about the kind of behavior you will accept around you and your kids, and the consequences you will enforce, should the madness start back up again.

I don't know - I found that writing down my boundaries was very helpful to me so now I recommend it to everyone. It made me feel stronger and more in control of my life.

JMFburns

mfox,

Thank you so much for the initial story, it sent chills through me as I read it. Just that vivid picture of clinging to him when you found him, not caring about his smell, just glad to find him alive. . . .wow, powerful.

I pray his Mom can handle what she's up against!

crazybabie

I agree with the posters who said what you did was compassionate and that you may have been used as a vessel by God. I am sending prayers that your husband will seek the recovery he needs and that you can now find some peace.

EJG123

Mfox- People see that you are not weak and helpless in managing your own life and that is as it should be. However, we are all weak and helpless when it comes to controlling an addict and it's okay to feel that way. Addicts are just gonna do what they're gonna do.