kellbob23

I am new here and looking for advice. I've been searching the internet for help. My fiance is a recovering addict and I recently found out he was selling. I don't know what to believe anymore but I don't want to give up on him like everyone else in his life but I don't know how long I should hold on.

outtolunch

How long does he claim to be in recovery?

Is he drinking and/or smoking pot?

Is he employed?

Does he have health insurance?

Does he have his own place?

Does he have his own car and insurance?

Does he pay his bills?

Does he have a criminal record?

There may be some very good reasons why others have disengaged from him.

There is nothing you can say or do that's going to change this guy. You are not that powerful. None of us are. If love and support could cure addiction, none of us would be here and there would be no addicts.

suki44883

Selling what? Dope? If he's caught, he'll be in prison. Is that really the kind of marriage you want?

wow04

If he is selling, he isn't in recovery!

lightseeker

a "recovery" addict that is selling? That's an oxymoron if I've ever heard one.

I'm glad that you've found us....this forum is a wonderful source of information, support, and wisdom.

I don't know your situation but I know that you must be overwhelmed. If "everyone" in his life has given up on him it's probably because of the way that he has behaved and treated them.....please be aware that you are not going to be his "bridge" to being better and okay. If he is a recovering addict then he should have a wide circle of support and relationships of other people in recovery......so the fact that everyone has given up on him tells me that something is a miss.

I believe that anyone that choses to be in a relationship with someone that is a "recovering addict" that it's imperative for them to work their own recovery program. Addiction is a cunning, wiley, and ever watchful disease.....It takes a lot of personal strength of your own and a strong recovery program to hold your own.

mfox

I agree with everyone's posts so far, but I am concerned for you. Addicts put those who love them most in danger. It isn't that they don't care, it's that they don't think about it. They have tunnel vision, and trust me, you and your well-being ARE NOT in that tunnel. Only one thing matters to them.

That being said, I am still concerned for MY safety and my children's safety simply because mine was using - not selling - and I don't know who may have my address. Scared enough to install an alarm system - and I live an hour away from his connections and in a good neighborhood. If your fiance is selling, you should be worried. Do you have any idea what addicts who are desperate are capable of? Especially addicts who KNOW that your fiance sells. They can very easily come to the conclusion that he has more drugs at his house, in his car, in YOUR house, in YOUR car.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF! Be careful. You need to stay away from him. Letting him go is not the same as "giving up on him". Letting him go allows him to deal with his problems while you are away from him and SAFE and taking care of yourself.

Please be careful. You are clearly new to this. Addiction is a nasty, horrible beast that destroys anyone who steps into its path. Please, take care of yourself first.

Maylie

Someone that is in recovery wouldn't surround themselves with drugs and active addicts. Recovery requires life changes, carrying drugs around, selling them, going to sketchy places, meeting up with sketchy people, and putting yourself in illegal situations isn't a life change. Nevermind, that the chances that he can sell drugs and not do any are so slim that it is almost impossible. Someone could hand me a bunch of heroin and say i'll give you 3,000 dollars if you only sell it don't do it and guess what, I would do it. Addicts brains, recovered or not, just don't work that way.

MsPINKAcres

((kellibob))

Welcome to our SR family - hate this disease has brought you here - but glad you are seeking help . . .
what a scary thing to discover ~

There are lots of things to think about - please take some time to step back and look at the reality of the situation - the fact that your finance is involved in illegal activity and how it will affect you is just the start of the insanity . . .

Please keep reaching out for help - there are many of us that have been there and are willing to share our experience, strength and hope as you decide what is healthiest for you

keep coming back - don't give up before the miracles happen in you - you deserve them!

PINK HUGS,
Rita

hope213

the road with an addict is hard. how long he has been clean & how many meetings a week does he go to usually tells the story on how long he will stay clean. read around for yourself at the stories on this site. find a meeting for yourself. learn about addiction & go from there. best wishes & prayers for you both,

GardenMama

Oh, dear, get ready for a rough ride. Or, take another route and steel yourself to listen VERY carefully to the incredible collective wisdom here on SR. And act on their advice to the best of your ability, to the best of your best self's ability.

I am sorry for your situation, truly I am, but since you asked "how long" you should hold on, I couldn't help but chime in: only as long as it takes to call off the wedding and break the engagement. Addicts in recovery don't sell drugs. They get jobs, go to school, get counseling, attend NA,AA, etc. If he has no other support system than you, he has not done his recovery work--he's not made amends, especially. It worries me. Your safety and happiness preclude his need for "support."

Sorry for the blunt suggestion to flee, but it is all I can think of after reading your post. Be careful. Keep reading here.

story74

Not to sound cold hearted (read my posts) but GET OUT NOW!
Thank god there are no kids involved.
You can do better. A seller? You can do WAY better.

crazybabie

Do you live with him? If he was to get busted you could very well go to jail and or prison yourself.

LoveMeNow

You could also lose your home, car, etc. Are you familiar with the Rico Act?

tigerkitty

I'm also new here and recently found out my boyfriend was back on drugs and in very much the same situation - feel betrayed, hurt, lied to, and not sure how long to keep holding on. If you need to talk about it, share stories or just complain about anything PM me and I'd be glad to listen and chime in with my own gripes and worries.

I hope this gets better for you.