Into Orbit - Language of Letting Go
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Into Orbit - Language of Letting Go
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Into Orbit
It doesn't matter if they're hurting themselves. It doesn't matter that we could help them if they'd only listen to, and cooperate with, us. IT DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER.
—Codependent No More
I think I can change him. Nobody's ever really loved him and appreciated him before. I'll be the one to do that, and then he'll change. . . . She's never been with anybody trustworthy before. I'll prove how trustworthy I am, and then she'll be able to love. . . . Nobody's been able to get to her, to conquer her, before. I'll be the one to do that. . . . Nobody's ever really given him a chance. . . . Nobody's ever really believed in him before. . . .
These are warning signs. Red lights. Red flags. In fact, if we're thinking these thoughts, they need to be stop signs.
If we have gotten hooked into believing that somehow we will be the one who will make the difference in someone's life, if we are trying to prove how good we can be for someone, we may be in trouble.
This is a game. A deception. It won't work. It'll make us crazy. We can trust that. We're not seeing things clearly. Something's going on with us. t will be self-defeating.
We may be "the one" all right - the one to wind up victimized.
The whole thought pattern reeks of codependency, of not being responsible for oneself, and of victimization. Each person needs to do his or her own work.
Nobody in the past has really understood him. . . . Nobody has seen what I see in her. . . . It's a set up. It sets us up to stop paying attention to ourselves while we focus too much on the other person. It takes us away from our path and often puts us in orbit.
Nobody has appreciated him enough. . . . Nobody has been good enough to her, or done for her what I can do. . . . It's a rescue. It's a game move, a game we don't have to play. We don't have to prove we're the one. If we're out to show people we're the best thing that ever happened to them, it may be time to see if they're the best thing that ever happened to us.
We have not been appointed as guardian angel, godmother, godfather, or "the one who will."
The help, support, and encouragement that truly benefits others and ourselves emerges naturally. Let it.
God, help me let go of my need to meet dysfunctional challenges in my relationships.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation
Into Orbit
It doesn't matter if they're hurting themselves. It doesn't matter that we could help them if they'd only listen to, and cooperate with, us. IT DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER, DOESN'T MATTER.
—Codependent No More
I think I can change him. Nobody's ever really loved him and appreciated him before. I'll be the one to do that, and then he'll change. . . . She's never been with anybody trustworthy before. I'll prove how trustworthy I am, and then she'll be able to love. . . . Nobody's been able to get to her, to conquer her, before. I'll be the one to do that. . . . Nobody's ever really given him a chance. . . . Nobody's ever really believed in him before. . . .
These are warning signs. Red lights. Red flags. In fact, if we're thinking these thoughts, they need to be stop signs.
If we have gotten hooked into believing that somehow we will be the one who will make the difference in someone's life, if we are trying to prove how good we can be for someone, we may be in trouble.
This is a game. A deception. It won't work. It'll make us crazy. We can trust that. We're not seeing things clearly. Something's going on with us. t will be self-defeating.
We may be "the one" all right - the one to wind up victimized.
The whole thought pattern reeks of codependency, of not being responsible for oneself, and of victimization. Each person needs to do his or her own work.
Nobody in the past has really understood him. . . . Nobody has seen what I see in her. . . . It's a set up. It sets us up to stop paying attention to ourselves while we focus too much on the other person. It takes us away from our path and often puts us in orbit.
Nobody has appreciated him enough. . . . Nobody has been good enough to her, or done for her what I can do. . . . It's a rescue. It's a game move, a game we don't have to play. We don't have to prove we're the one. If we're out to show people we're the best thing that ever happened to them, it may be time to see if they're the best thing that ever happened to us.
We have not been appointed as guardian angel, godmother, godfather, or "the one who will."
The help, support, and encouragement that truly benefits others and ourselves emerges naturally. Let it.
God, help me let go of my need to meet dysfunctional challenges in my relationships.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Language of Letting Go was one of my first recovery books and I remember reading this sometime early in my recovery...and stopping dead in my tracks and reading it again and again.
If there is one page worn out in my book, it is the page this is written, because I need to go back, even today, and remind myself that anyone else's recovery or lack of it is not mine to control.
Now, many years later I still think this is one of the most powerful things Melody Beattie has ever written.
I hope you do too.
Hugs
If there is one page worn out in my book, it is the page this is written, because I need to go back, even today, and remind myself that anyone else's recovery or lack of it is not mine to control.
Now, many years later I still think this is one of the most powerful things Melody Beattie has ever written.
I hope you do too.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
Awesome. I read that page in Codependency No More today!! It's like she wrote her book for me. I see myself all over it. It is a challenge, but I am determined to change my focus off the addicts in my life and onto my own. Thanks!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
Thanks,Ann.And thanks everyone.
Sometimes it is hard to see the forest for the trees.
Sometimes one gets lost in the woods,looking for that damn
forest....if there just weren't so many of these big wood sticks
obstructing our view.
(SR is like a helicopter ride in that sense......Now I see the forest
......the truth of the situation-----unfettered by the madness inherent
when proximate to addiction)
It is truly a sight to behold.
Sometimes it is hard to see the forest for the trees.
Sometimes one gets lost in the woods,looking for that damn
forest....if there just weren't so many of these big wood sticks
obstructing our view.
(SR is like a helicopter ride in that sense......Now I see the forest
......the truth of the situation-----unfettered by the madness inherent
when proximate to addiction)
It is truly a sight to behold.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Holy cow, that reading has to be the best description of what my thinking was while in full-blown codependency!
Thank you so much for posting this because it's a powerful reminder of how I used to be, and how far I have come in my own recovery, even though some days I don't feel that way.
Sending lots of hugs up north for you, Ann!
Thank you so much for posting this because it's a powerful reminder of how I used to be, and how far I have come in my own recovery, even though some days I don't feel that way.
Sending lots of hugs up north for you, Ann!
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