laurie6781

OK before this thread gets too far astray, ROLMAO

They are called "Sober Coaches." Some of the more 'expensive' rehabs even
have them for their 'clients' that may have to return to obligations sooner than
their normal 'course.'

Yes, it started in California, lmao. However, also did a 'season' of Their Show
'Sober Coach', and two of the 'coaches' that were on that show are now being
used "Intervention" to replace two counselors that exited the show for other
jobs.

They are only used if the client is 'willing' and 'wants' a sober coach. The coach
is NOT there 24/7 but with the client at 'trigger' hours/events/etc and they can
'call' the 'coach' anytime if they feel a relapse coming on. Therefore, it only
seems to work with those that WANT the extra help. The 'coach' is not only
willing to talk the client through the 'episode' of the 'stinkin thinkin' but will also
haul them off to a meeting if deemed necessary. You see the 'sober coaches'
are all in recovery at least 10 to 12 years and has training as an addiction
counselor.

So, Mrs Dragon I am glad it 'lightened' the 'cloud' hanging over you and your
hubby right now, and that you got a good laugh. It is very IMPORTANT that
we laugh, it relieves that 'burden' we are carrying.

Just wanted to clear up a bit of the confusion. Now PLEASE go back to making
some 'Sober Campanion' jokes. I need some more laughs. lol lol lol

Love and hugs,

Ann

For the life of me, I cannot see any dignity anywhere in a situation like this.

It would make me a codependent manipulator and totally humiliate my son to suggest that a grown man needs a babysitter.

Like Freedom, I am not God and I am powerless over my son's addiction...but I can allow him the dignity of finding his own way.

And quite frankly, if I couldn't stand between my son and drugs, no paid escort will be able to either.

Just the thoughts of a befuddled mama looking for dignity.

LoveMeNow

I am for hire!!

MrsDragon

Im not so cynical about the process actually. And while it is entertaining to think up hilarious, and inappropriate scenarios; which my husband and I did enjoy; I think the concept does have merit.

Its fairly similar to the concept that NA uses where those in recovery mentor newer people. Its just this takes it outside meetings, and into real world scenarios. And although NA is one method of recovery, its be no means the only method so not all the sober companions will be versed in that. And unless specified I dont think the intent is to walk the person through a program, its just for support while they transistion back to daily routines.

In the tv show; which is where I learned about it… the mans father did hire the sober companion; no mention of NA, and she actually is not even a recovering addict. But the father was also providing a house for the son alone. So, it was basically a requirement that he had the choice to accept, or not. So the man did have the dignity to choose. I really cant think of a situation where a person could be forced to accept a sober companion; there might be an offer with this being a string attached; but there is still a choice; still dignity in my opinion.

And I get a little confused about choice / dignity beliefs. As the legal system, employers, etc. are often coaxing individuals into treatment. And while they have a choice, are they really given the dignity to choose, the alternative is usually quite bad; prison. And unfortunately, the legal system often does not offer choices in recovery; so in making their choice, they may even have to go against their religious beliefs and accept a program they would not choose; not very dignified.

Going back to the tv show; pretty sure there will be a future romantic involvement there. Then at some point most likely a relapse that she hides to protect him. And then true recovery, and in this case a transition to a partnership in which they will work together to solve mysterious crimes.
Things always work out in tv land........

LoveMeNow

I think a sober coach for a motivated (and wealthy) person can be helpful. Addiction is cunning and baffling. All it takes is one wrong thought and the addiction is back in control. In a sense, a sponsor or another member of AA or NA are like a free sober coaches.

IMO, whatever it takes to get and stay clean is a good thing.

Ann

Please don't compare something like this to what NA or any other 12-step program suggests. They suggest a sponsor who is available to mentor, not a babysitter, and they suggest sticking to same sex sponsors for obvious reasons, not hiring a chick to keep a man's mind off using.

You may or may not insult your son with this kind of thinking, but please do not insult the 12 step programs that have saved so many lives here.

SundaysChild

One of the things I've learned in my recovery journey is that no one else can do this for you.

While my son was in rehab, and then an extended care program, I was a "poster child" for AlAnon. When he relapsed, I fell apart and back into my crazy thinking. I had not really "let go" and surrendered- I had "transferred" the responsibility I felt for him to the "professionals." I had delegated my control issues, and felt relief because someone else was "in control." It was okay for my peace of mind while it lasted, but just postponed the ultimate crash...sort of like suboxone for the codependent. I view a parent hiring a sober companion for their adult child as the same type of thing.

His recovery is not my business. MY recovery is my business.

MrsDragon

Actually many people who are part of NA provide sober coaching, and companionship .... it is a legitimate service. (Although Im sure they would prefer not to be called babysitters).

If you had read my initial post; I explained that while my husband had no knowledge of what a sober companion was; when I first made the statement "if our son gets clean, maybe we should get him a sober companion" He JOKINLGY said " you want to buy him a woman". I dont think he really assumed I wanted to hire a chick to keep our sons mind off using.

Hes with a chick right now; have no idea if he is using, but she wont stop him if he decided he wants to.......

I just dont want to be mis-quoted here; as I was not insulting anyone, or degrading any specific type of recovery program.

I did forget how sensative some people can be however; so Im sorry you were upset by the thread.

On the bright side; this is a reminder to me that my husband and I are fortunate that we are detached enough from our sons drug use, where we can have silly discussions, and laugh ... even at things related to substace abuse.

LoveMeNow

I don't think it's the parents or anyone else's job to "hire" someone. But if a motivated addict seeking recovery has the money and feels he needs it, its not my place to judge.

I have often wondered how a celebrity or a politician, etc can work a program. They may have the money for rehab, but then what?? Do they have NA just for them? I am sure they are concerned about their anonymity.

interrupted

All joking aside, this strikes me as just another attempt to take the work out of recovery. If addicts regularly had more disposable income I would think it would do quite well as a business idea, people are always looking for an easy way out; unfortunately, there isn't one.

We have a whole forum of babysitters right here - and how has that worked out for all of our loved ones? Many people here have put their own lives in danger trying to stop their qualifier from using - I doubt any sober coach is going to do that. So really, unless the addict is already committed to working hard on recovery, this is just another waste of money.

Unless I am misunderstanding the whole thing? I'm a little confused on whether the coach is supposed to be mentor-like or more of a rent-a-friend type deal. If it's just a rental friend then I'm way off base. But if that's the case why limit it to addicts? I know plenty of people unpleasant enough to be around <cough>My boss</cough> that they might employ this type of service, no drugs involved! If it's actually an opposite sex deal then I probably shouldn't say how I feel about it, because I find that pretty insulting.

Freedom1990

Are you familiar with the 12 traditions and their purpose in NA?

1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends on NA unity.

2. For our Group purpose there is but one ultimate authority - a loving God as He may express Himself in our Group conscience, our leaders are but trusted servants, they do not govern.

3. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using.

4. Each Group should be autonomous, except in matters affecting other Groups, or NA, as a whole.

5. Each Group has but one primary purpose--to carry the message to the addict who still suffers.

6. An NA Group ought never endorse, finance or lend the NA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property or prestige divert us from our primary purpose.

7. Every NA Group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.

8. Narcotics Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our Service Centers may employ special workers.

9. NA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.

10. NA has no opinion on outside issues; hence, the NA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.

11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films.

12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

Any member respectful of NA and who believes in the traditions will not "advertise" that they are in NA in conjunction with an outside service such as sober companionship/coach. It's not a violation of traditions to say they have been clean/sober for X amount of time, or have been in recovery for X amount of months/years.

There was a reason for the development of the traditions beginning in AA many decades ago, and those traditions are there for a reason.

Misguided

From the small amount I read online, this is where this idea is really used - for celebs. The addict goes through an actual rehab program FIRST then they hire the coach/companion/babysitter (yes, on wiki it classifies them as a babysitter) to essentially watch over them to make sure they do not relapse. I can see this being viable for a celeb since they live in a different type of world that we (normal, "regular job" working people) do.

In my eyes, a REGULAR (aka not celebrity) person is only going to quit something if they want to. There are more affordable, even free, ways of going about getting sober. I quit when I was ready to quit. I can tell you if someone would have been breathing down my neck treating me like a child during my recovery, I would have lost my mind and probably relapsed from the stress. There is no amount of money anyone could have spent on me to get me to stop drinking. I had to do it on my own and wanted to do it on my own and I did it for free. I realize that is not an option for some who might have withdrawl problems, but I'm going to be straightforward and say it's quite comical that an adult would need a babysitter to slap their hand if they get the urge to touch drugs again. I didn't have codies or enablers...none at all. I dug my hole and I had to climb out of it. I am also thankful I don't have people holding resentments for wasting half their life being a codie when I had my problem -- it also made my recovery easier to deal with.

Addicts get themselves into the mess, they have to work hard to get out of it. There's no easy road to recovery. People have to learn how to work through the problems they had or have and figure out how to deal with them like an adult.

LoveMeNow

Maybe I see the whole concept of having a "sober coach" differently then many here because basically my husband has a sober compainion helping him. The man is from NA, has 20 yrs clean time, but is not being paid. He is a wonderful person who understands addiction. In fact, he used to work for a rehab.

He sincerely cares, has sponsored many through out the years and I have enormous amount of respect for him. Just last week, I joked with him about being a "sober coach" and needs to send an invoice and he just laughed.

Whether my husband chooses to stay clean or not....is all up to him. Only he can do the work and the steps but having this friend around gives him strength and hope. This man can understand what I can not.

I think my husband is very blessed to have the support and help when he needs it most. Early covery is a tough time for most - needing and asking for help is nothing to be ashamed of, even if you have to hire it.

interrupted

I didn't think about it from a celebrity standpoint - I can see where just showing up at a local meeting would be difficult for celebrities, and probably very disruptive to the group. This makes more sense to me in that situation.

LoveMeNow

Also, he is not a babysitter or some one breathing down any body's throat. He is supportive and understanding! He is a person who cares about others. He is sharing his ESH and giving back so he can keep what he has.

I admire his dedication to helping others and I think the mere innuendos that he is baby sitting is very insulting to him, his efforts and to the program!

Misguided

I wasn't referring to your guy -- I was referring to the OP of a paid sober companion. Your guy sounds more like a sponsor to me, especially if he's not living with your husband 24/7. ???

"One key difference between a sober companion and a sober coach, is that a sober coach is a direct descendant of the Alcoholics Anonymous "sponsor," a significant difference being that the sober coaching is done for payment while a sponsor works for free as the practice of the 12th step, carrying the message of recovery.

A sober companion chaperones or babysits a recovering addict to help ensure they do not relapse. They may be hired to provide round the clock care, be on-call, or to accompany the recovering addict during particular activities, however any moment away from a sober companion, would ultimately reduce the effectiveness to stay sober and in some cases stay alive. A companion acts as an advocate for the newly recovering person and provides new ways for the client to act in their own living environment. Companions use techniques such as chiropractic adjustments, acupuncture, meditation, distraction, massage, diet and proper nutrition, exercise and even prayer and affirmation of sober choices. A sober companion either completely removes the addict from his own environment of hidden stashes, or may search for hidden drugs in their own environment, in an effort to restrain a client to prevent them from relapsing"

LoveMeNow

And basically that is where it originated from. Robert Downey Jr is a good example of someone who has hired a sober coach and has been able to stay clean. But again, ultimately he had to want to be clean.

I really don't care how people get and stay clean! It's really up to them not me. I have my own issues to deal with and judging others is not going to help me in any way.

LoveMeNow

I know MsGuideded!!

My husband's friend does not live here but he is available 24/7 and has made that known. However, several people from NA have offered my husband the opportunity to live with them while he is in early recovery after his relapse. He has chosen not to but at times, I wish he would. The same people have made it clear to him that this is hard on me as well and if can't be loving and supportive to me, he really needs to rethink his living situation.

SundaysChild

There is a MAJOR difference between a NA or AA sponsor and a sober coach.

A sponsor works with others AS PART OF THEIR OWN RECOVERY...("Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts...")

A sober coach/companion is paid.

Katiekate

I personally do not see anything wrong with it.

There are many functions that can be served by having a coach, if you can afford it, do it.

Some people don't want to go to AA or NA , don't want to go to counseling, the idea of a coach is to not tell someone what to do, but rather to help them to see it, bring them to it if you will.

It could be a good option, addiction is a multifaceted issue, some people use withdrawal coaches, some addiction specialists fill this need. Coaches can also be available for friends and families of A's. Sometimes I don't think it matters how you get there , but only that you are making the effort.

I think it's an idea that in time, will become more popular. It can be a hell of lot less expensive than rehab. Of course time will tell, and I don't think all coaches will be charging 750 dollars a day. Sometimes addicts need babysitters.