helphimplease

I definitely agree. I didn't really know who to talk to, so I searched online a bit and stumbled upon this website. I don't have anyone in my life who has gone through something similar and it is very helpful to finally be able to talk to people about it and receive advice and it feels so much better to know you aren't alone. Take care.

kmangel

My son went to rehab to detox from opiate addiction. A few months later he had kidney stones and a doctor prescribed pain meds. For a non addicted person, pain meds would be no problem, but not for a recovering addict. Maybe my son thought he could handle it, not abuse the drugs. He soon discovered he was still hooked. From the first pill he wanted the same amount he took before rehab. No gradual building back up. My son stopped all the pills after a week and experienced withdrawals again, though not for very long.

Your boyfriend will have to realize that he will always be likely to abuse opiates--whether he needs them for legimate reasons or not. Most people have times in their lives when pain meds are the normal course of events such as my son's kidney stones. If his girlfriend ever has any need to take pain meds for herself, I hope he wouldn't steal them from her--but the temptation will be there to do so.

Your boyfriend must be thinking about how he will manage the possible future event of needing pain meds. My son spoke to me about his never being able to take pain meds even after surgery and then did for the kidney stones. I know he was in horrible pain at the time. That one pill though put him right back to rehab days. I hope the experience taught him a valuable lesson--that he will always have to be cautious and prepare well for the future.

hello-kitty

Speaking from experience:

This is a good time for you to figure out where "you" end and your boyfriend begins. You are two separate people. There's a difference between healthy love and toxic love and being entangled in someone's drug addiction. It doesn't help them. It just enables them and makes things worse. It also makes you as sick as the addict because you become addicted to trying to "help" them and fix them. That's called codependency and it's just as viscious as drug addiction. You may want to read a book called "codependent no more" by Melanie Beattie to get a better idea of this component of addiction.

Healthy love does not involve lying or stealing pills or threats of suicide when you're not getting what you want. That is manipulation and it's toxic. That's what your boyfriend is doing right now and it's not personal. It's just what addicts do. They lie. They manipulate. They do whatever they can to ensure that they can continue using without any negative consequences.

Maybe it's time to detach from his addiction and start focusing on your own life. Start by making a list of the things that YOU want out of life. You are 22. Where do you want to be when you are 32? Then start taking the baby steps you need to get there. One thing is for sure, you can't rely on your boyfriend for a stable future. He's got his hands full with his addiction. He's going to have to fix that himself. He may NEVER choose to fix that.

And you can't fix it for him either. Sure you can wait... wait.... wait.... maybe someday he'll be a suitable father and partner. But he sure isn't now. So don't put all your eggs in one basket. Don't neglect your future and stop living up to your potential. It's up to you to make the most of yourself.

You didn't cause his addiction.
You can't control his addiction.
You can't cure his addiction.