Maui78

So my original post (I'm new Here) AGF - (there should be a acronym for someone who is not using but not in recovery) H addict, been in rehab, went to hospital for MRSA this summer, got out a month ago, etc. etc. Both times she has stopped using it has been by force (it was either rehab or jail, and then because she was in hospital for 6 wweks with MRSA). She is dry right now but not in recovery....not talking to sponsor, not working the steps, not speaking to her parents after a fight, lying to me about things, hanging around people she used to use with (who are supposedly clean), etc. etc. etc. I know she is not ready for recovery and I believe that if it weren't for trying to stay clean for me, or us, she would be using.

She doesn't have a job, isn't really looking for one, just goes to school (college) one night a week, and outpatient a couple hours T-F. I know recovery comes first, but if she isn't even doing that, how am i supposed to be okay with the no job, no help with the bills, spending her time and "friend's houses" because she doesn't want to be alone (cravings).

I'm getting quite frustrated, angry and depressed. Should I walk away and just let her hit another bottom?? Cause I know almost for certain that she is one crisis away from using again.

P.S. I read "Let me Fall" and I loved it....

gurlie214

Gosh, you are really in a tough place. Just wanted to say I can relate completely and know what a difficult position you are in. All I can add is to go with your gut. If you feel she is one crisis away from using, back away and go ahead and let her get it over with. I don't mean that sarcastically, but it must be awful sitting around waiting for the other shoe to drop.

outtolunch

I do not do relationships with liars. That's my boundary and I am sticking to it.

She's sober, for now or so it seems. She may never be in recovery as defined by 12 steps. It's was and remains her choice to live her life as she sees fit to do.

You too have choices.

Titanic

Welcome!

"Dry drunk" is the term used in AA.

Go to Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meetings. It will help keep the focus on YOU and what you ought to be doing to further your own recovery. In the meantime, she will either get serious about hers, or will relapse very soon.

Read the stickies here and also F&F of Alcoholics because alcoholism is also an addiction, and the As often mix or substitute drugs with booze. Go to those meetings. Working YOUR recovery program will help you make YOUR decision as to boundaries, and when enough is enough.

All the best.

tjp613

YOU get to decide what you want YOUR life to look like.

She has shown you what life is like with her. Believe her.

So now you get to decide if this is what you want. If not, then choose something different. It is no more complicated than that.

No matter how hard you try, you just can't squeeze a square peg into a round hole. Y'know?

Faithlove

Why sit around and wait for the next crisis?

Are you really enjoying life with her right now?

You only have x amount of minutes on this earth.......and you're giving a lot of them to her.

.....Now if I could just take my own advice.

kmangel

This woman is your girlfriend and this is the time that you determine if she is the one that you want to spend the rest of your life with. If her behavior is not to your liking then find someone whose behavior is to your liking.