1Love

Crystal, I can tell u from personal experience with an addict that meth is one of the worst drugs to overcome. It can be done. I know recovering meth addicts that have been clean for years. My exb of two years was in drug court when i met him. He never missed a meeting, never failed a drug test and two days after graduation, he relapsed. I let him come home because he promised to change his number, give me his checks, and return to his aa and drug abuse classes. He did none of that. He kept acting weird on weekends, and when i say weird, i mean WEIRD. he left me this time and only contacts me about every two or three weeks. I have a six year old child and i don't want to put her in danger. I am also a nurse and i can't risk my life or job for an addict that doesn't want help. But i have been going to KCI for help. It is an awesome site as well as this one. Some good folks. Meth is different that any other drug that i have encountered. So u should really go there and read the stories and message boards. See u there.

crystalbuterfly

Thank you everyone for your replies. I was on the site for meth addiction more today because it all seems to make me relate so much to what Ive seen, and makes me think of what may come.

Im going to my ob this week, and I am going to get tested for stds and find out if the baby may have already been damaged by the meth.

I also saw my bfriend today His dad brought him over. He seems a lot better. He said the doctor had given him something that helped him sleep and it helped. He is going with his dad tomorrow to an outpatient place where they specialize and maybe i will know more then.

it wa ok today being around him. he says his parents will let him stay with them while he does outpatient and I can have the apartment alone. He seems sincere, but I have to wait a long time to tell I know.

The only good thing is that I think it is early for him, and maybe if he works hard he has a chance. But I dotn know if I want to be sticking by to find out. I may have had enough. I feel broken right now, betrayed. But Im better off than he is so I am thankful for that.

incitingsilence

Because I know this drug…I don’t find it good for him to live with anyone.
Because the dynamics of addiction I wonder is he not capable of finding his own way, getting himself to any therapy, of figuring out where he will live because it isn’t safe for you to live with him, or for him to live with his parents. He really has to own his recovery and it is awesome when family give the addicts in their lives the dignity of owning it.

Because of the route he chooses to use, please understand that they label swallowing the drug as low level using…Not sure who thought that one up, but I do know personally that I would prefer to swallow than snort, the high lasts longer and was just as intense and went insane a lot faster … And while it is missing the rush the rush isn’t always what a user is looking for. All the same insanity that comes along with using this drug is still there and the risk of od is higher swallowing than not in many cases.

Cynical wrote of the protocol they had to put into place with dealing with methamphetamine addicts. Please make sure you are keeping yourself safe and that you change the locks if you go back to live at your apartment alone. Behavior is driven by desperation within the addict, and this drug adds such a level of unpredictability with it, paranoid fueled reactions violent or not are very common. Meth psychosis is also very real…


You are young, you have your whole life ahead of you. In this moment right now you do not have to make any decisions of staying or leaving … but what you do need to do for your own best chances is to educate yourself on addiction, understand that this isn’t your fight yours will be different. Just as he is working at finding a way to be well, you need to too…find your own recovery, surround yourself with a strong support system you will need it. Know that unacceptable behavior is unacceptable behavior. Using drugs has nothing to do with the fact. And the the drug gets no blame, the actions of a person are their actions high or not. Keep it all simple.

Good luck to you and I was glad to read that you will be going to the ob and getting checked out. YOU and that little one you are carrying deserve the best.

Faithlove

Hi Crystalbutterfly,

You've gotten so much great advice from people in our community already. Please keep reading and re-reading their posts and the stickies. I'm still in the middle of craziness with my AH, so I'm not going to try to give you advice. I'm just going to relate and maybe say what I would tell my younger self if that could be possible.

My AH and I have two small children together. Of course hindsight is 20/20...so here goes....If I could go back and talk to my younger self when I was pregnant with our first child, I would tell my younger self to leave and leave quickly! At that point, I had been with my AH for a few years and married for a few months. I was pretty sure he hung the moon. However, leaving him then would have been easier than leaving him now.

Now, I've been with him for a few more years and we have two children. I've seen him interact with our children. Sometimes he's great; sometimes he's not so great. Over the past few years, I've grown more attached to him and I've experienced so many more instances of his drug use that I also hate him more now than I did then. I love him more and hate him more.

If I'd have left then, our children wouldn't be as attached to him. They might not even know him at all, depending on the choices I would have let him make. Instead, he's been with us and I've had the pleasure of slowly going insane- checking his phone records, doing countless middle-of-the-night searches of his vehicle and our home looking for drugs, reading his text messages between him and his dealers and him and other women, hearing him pass out in the bathroom and fall into the tub, seeing him passed out in our hallway and having to call 911 and his parents, watching him LIE TO MY FACE, making him take drug tests, being there for him through his numerous rehab attempts, the list goes on and on.

I thought, and somewhat still do think, that my AH is special. God will help him and we'll get to live happily ever after. My AH is nice (when he's not using), he's so intellligent and charming, etc. He says he loves me. He rarely acts like it.

I left him this summer, then reconciled, then kicked him out. I've recently let him move back in. I know what it's like to just want to have faith in him that everything is going to be ok. It might be for you, but it's not very probable. I know in my heart it's not very probable for me either, but I just have such a hard time letting go forever.

It is very probable that his violence, cheating, and drug use will escalate. It is also probable that you may feel more guilt for trying to leave him after the baby is here. I feel like I'm tearing my children away from their father. But, he's the one who choose to use.

Keep posting and reading and take care of yourself and your baby. I was super stressed over my AH when I was pregnant with our second child (that's when I found out he is an addict). Please try to put your baby's health and your health first. Start learning about boundaries for yourself. You're in my prayers.

helpme33

Having gone through this myself at an age younger than you my advise is RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!

I was puzzled by the mood swings and his friends covered for him. When I was pregnant he left me and moved in with a girl he had picked up hitchhicking.

He was fired from a great job with a Fortune 500 company for selling drugs from the company truck.

My numerous calls to the police and his jail time for beating me still did not stop him from harrassing me. I was sure he was going to kill me.

Both of my children have suffered, one overcame drugs and the other battles drugs, depression and a father that walked out on them and never supported them.

I always believed him when he said he was stopping - he would for a while and then the women alcohol and drugs would start up again.

I felt tremendous guilt for my children's problems - I was the one that stayed with him - they witnessed a lot of his violent behavior. He played mind games with us - he would tell my youngest that he loved us and wanted to come home but mommy wouldn't let him. This one hated me and told me so for breaking uo the family.

Let him get clean and in therapy and prove to you that he is serious. Sorry to say this to you, but I would bet the woman is not the first.

Take care of yourself and the baby.

crystalbuterfly

Wanted to give an update. My boyfriend was doing really well and going to outpatient, living with his parents. He was acting like his old self and I was really hopeful. I moved back to our place, and we agreed to work on us slowly.

I lost the baby. I had been trying to figure out what was best because it was unplanned, and the babys dad was on meth. But i didnt have to decide because about a week after I posted here, I had a miscarriage. No one could tell me why and they just said it happens sometimes. I still am not sure it didnt have something to do wtih the fight we had, and when I fell as he grabbed me.
I have been sad over all of it. Ive been blaming him and I know that is wrong, but it is what it is.

He relapsed back on meth about a week ago. His attitude began to suck again, and he was skipping outpatient, his parents caught him putting meth into his OJ. They gave him a chance to go to rehab because outpatient wasnt working but he wouldnt do it. He got violent with his mom one day; yelling and smashed some of her little figurines, but didnt hurt her. They threw him out. So he begged me to come back here, and promised he would go to outpatient, that i could drug test him, and all of that.

I know what you are going to say, but I gave in. He has been here and seems to be ok right now. I still dont know how I feel. Well I feel empty I guess, and alone even though he is here Im afraid to try to get close to him. Its sad where we are at right now. I dotn know if he will stay clean, or how long and I know unless he tackles it now, he may never get clean.

suki44883

I am so sorry to know that you lost your baby. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

EnglishGarden

I am so sorry for your loss, crystal, so sorry for your sadness about losing the baby and about the heartache that surrounds your partner. This is a hard hard time for you, so much stress. You must be exhausted and overwhelmed.

Do you have a close friend, or friends you can count on? If you do, let them you know you need them now, even if they may not understand your feelings or your life, even so, ask them for their love and support and to stay close because this is a hard, confusing, painful passage of life for you right now. These friends need to be clean and sober and honest and reliable. If they are those things, reach out to them now.

We always say go to Al-Anon but if that is not right for you now, then any form of spiritual support will help you. A regular church if that fits, an alternative church like Unity, any gathering of people who are doing spiritual work of any kind, if you can join right now it could help. As well, most hospitals offer free grief counseling in a group setting--a friend of mine went to one last year--and you could sit in on one those for a few weeks or several. You lost a baby and you are mourning.

The empty feeling you describe is your body and mind shutting down a while to give you a chance to rest from the ongoing levels of stress you have been experiencing. We shut down when we have become overloaded beyond capacity emotionally. And sometimes we shut down when we have to take mature action which is emotionally painful. We shut down long enough to be able to do it.

Your boyfriend is going to use again. When that begins to happen, do not come between him and the drug. Do not do it. Let him go on the run, stay out of the way. Get a friend to stay connected to you and check on you. (Better yet go stay with a friend a few days or a week). Have a plan for this in place. Do not wait until he uses again. Make a plan now: what will you do, where will you go, rehearse it in your mind, the getting out of his way. Be ready.

All of us here are, of course, worried for you. Don't be alone with whatever comes next. Do not be afraid to post and ask for guidance and support. Most of us know how we were when we were lost in chaos with an active drug addict or alcoholic. It is all right to post even when your mind is spinning. More is yet to come and you above all must not be isolated.

I wish I could persuade you to move back where you were living while you were separated from him. But even more, I hope you will just not be alone with what is happening and what is to come. In whatever way you possibly can, find help.

dollydo

I am sorry about your loss.

His chance of staying clean at this point are slim and none. Prepare yourself, have an exit plan, meth is one of the worst drugs on the planet and violence is common behavior.

IMO you are playing with fire and it is just a matter of time until you get badly burned. Be smart, ever ready to leave at the drop of a hat, have a safe haven to go to.

He is a very sick man, be careful.

Faithlove

I am so sorry you lost your baby. You are still in my prayers.

Please take care of yourself and don't minimize his actions towards you or anyone else. Healthy guys don't break their mama's figurines or push their pregnant girlfriend. Please have a plan in place for when he becomes violent again.

You can not save him. Please save yourself. You deserve so much more.

standstrongup12

My husband used meth, heroin, you name it. He would constantly masturbate on meth to the point where he was sore. He engaged in crazy things. One day, I was driving him home from a meeting and he quietly whispered about passing out and his previous girlfriends (who were probably also on meth) having sex with him while he was passed out. I told him that was rape and he said but they loved me. I repeated it was still rape. And he just looked sadly out the car window. People who have used meth for a long time really need sex addiction therapy. They have completely skewed perceptions of sex and relationships and appropriate partners. I remember he once said to me a long time ago he would never do crystal meth around me because he was afraid he'd hurt me sexually or otherwise. I found out he'd do it elsewhere and go engage with some serious creeps and pervs.

There is something called Pay N Play or something. It's the new thing with meth, taking the place of plain old prostitution. Have you seen Requiem for a Dream? It's all there.

Jody675

Crystal
the reason i found this place was due to my exAbf. he has been into drugs for over 20years, and meth was one he did a lot of. he did quit and has not had it for over 2 years, but that isnt to say he isn't an addict still. he was taking the occasional acid trip, and started drinking heavily when we met. he was highly functioning addict, managed to get a degree in chemistry with distinction (not surprising he had an interest in this area), held down a good job, was sweet and gentle and was a decent person. HOWEVER, he never could accept that he was an addict, or had a problem. he did say that meth was VERY BAD and he was lucky to escape its clutches, but addiction isnt something that he would admit to. he got very defensive if we had an argument, and would deflect the blame back to me. when we broke up he said some very mean things about my kids, which really was very inappropriate. drugs are very scary when you have never had any connection to them like myself (and you). the advise i was given here was to run and run far away from him. that i wasnt tied to him, through marriage or family, so why sign up for a world of turmoil and pain. you cant trust the words they say to you, only their actions. and they never match. i know it doesnt feel or seem like it right now, but you have dodged a bullet here. you have been given a light on the issues that are ahead of you well before you would have if things didnt happen the way they did. take this whole situation as a blessing (even though im sure it really doesnt feel like it), but i hope all the answers you need, and the strength and courage you need to do what is right for you. i do not regret at all the decision that the people on this site helped me make inregards to that relationship.

i hope it all works out.

FindingErica

My sister is a 20 year meth addict. She is horrible now; homeless, mentally ill, Does not have custody of her children. The last one spent 3 years in foster care from just days old. It took the father 3 years to get custody because he was so codpendant to her they didnt believe he would keep the child away from her. If i had been in state, he would have lost custody forever. My sister lies, steals sleeps with anything that will give her drugs, treats people bad, is in and out of jail on almost a weekly basis now, has violent outbursts. She got violent one night and held me hostage in my living room with an ice pick. I had my infant child on my lap. I was afraid for my baby, and several times she grabbed me while i was holding my baby. according to the father of her child, she got violent with him many times.

You said your boyfriend pushed you but didnt mean to hurt you. When someone physically attacks someone, they accept the consequences of what that does to the person. No you didnt overreact by going to the hospital, a fall can cause the placenta to detach and you could have been bleeding internally or lost the baby. He has already pushed you, you are not safe living with him while he is addicted because the behaviors get progressively worse. This is a very dangerous situation to try to raise a child in.

Yes, it is a nightmare when you realize your partner that you rely on is now unreliable. I had to leave my husband of 18 years, father of our 3 kids.

Meth is extremely hard to get off of. I got my sister to stay clean for two years, this was when she was only a few years into her addiction. What was underneath was a miserable, depressed, emotionally labile human who hated the "straight life" as she puts it.