Today's 5:30 AM call
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 21
Today's 5:30 AM call
Hello, I have lurked here for a couple years, because of my son's addiction. Just yesterday I joined, as I am making a real effort to quit drinking myself now. Anyway, since I am here, and since my son's addiction still affects me, as much as I try not to let it, I thought I would say HI and share my early morning call.
I truly think I am making progress in regard to boundaries and letting my son figure it out on his own.
Backstory - he is 24, has been out of prison for 6 months, after being incarcerated for 2 years for breaking probation with personal possession. He is living about 80 miles away, with his girlfriend.
My belief is he is using... something. Not sure what. He isn't strung out, he is showing up for work every day, but all the dots aren't connecting in his words/actions if you know what I mean.
ANYWAY - 5:30 AM, phone rings, unknown number from where he now lives. Not a good sign! Last time, a couple years back, that was the call from jail. A couple years back these nighttime calls were frequent and never good. So I answer, it's him. First thing I note - he sounds completely lucid.
What he says is, do I have the number of a co-worker so he can see if he can get a ride to work (they start at 7:00 and today's job site is an hour away) because his vehicle is messing up and he is scared he won't make it.
His phone is out of batteries and he is at a convenience store, hence the weird number. I don't have the number he needs but I do have his bosses number and give it to him and hang up.
Now my wheels start working, of course. My heart is pounding. Learned response is total anxiety. I consider the situation and conclude the following:
1) He is either on his way to work as stated or he is high on speed and has been up all night. What can I do about it if it's the latter? Nothing.
2) If he has been up all night he still might be on the way to work indeed, which potentially could be dangerous. In the very least, if that is the case, he will probably be a half-assed worker today. What can I do about it if that is the case? Nothing.
3) My choice here is to stay awake the rest of the night or try to relax and catch another hour's snooze. What do I choose to do? Go back to sleep. And, I actually accomplish it.
This is a pretty huge milestone, people. I have dragged this kid out of dumpsters and bailed him out of jail and rushed him to the hospital and checked him into rehabs more times than I care to count. My former modus operandi is PANIC and SAVE HIM. I am really, really proud that although I am concerned, I am not consumed.
And, one way or the other, he is going to come out of the other end of this on his own terms. Nothing I can say or do is going to convince him it's a good day to get sober (if he wasn't) if his prior life events haven't done the trick.
Thanks for listening, hope you all have a peaceful day!
I truly think I am making progress in regard to boundaries and letting my son figure it out on his own.
Backstory - he is 24, has been out of prison for 6 months, after being incarcerated for 2 years for breaking probation with personal possession. He is living about 80 miles away, with his girlfriend.
My belief is he is using... something. Not sure what. He isn't strung out, he is showing up for work every day, but all the dots aren't connecting in his words/actions if you know what I mean.
ANYWAY - 5:30 AM, phone rings, unknown number from where he now lives. Not a good sign! Last time, a couple years back, that was the call from jail. A couple years back these nighttime calls were frequent and never good. So I answer, it's him. First thing I note - he sounds completely lucid.
What he says is, do I have the number of a co-worker so he can see if he can get a ride to work (they start at 7:00 and today's job site is an hour away) because his vehicle is messing up and he is scared he won't make it.
His phone is out of batteries and he is at a convenience store, hence the weird number. I don't have the number he needs but I do have his bosses number and give it to him and hang up.
Now my wheels start working, of course. My heart is pounding. Learned response is total anxiety. I consider the situation and conclude the following:
1) He is either on his way to work as stated or he is high on speed and has been up all night. What can I do about it if it's the latter? Nothing.
2) If he has been up all night he still might be on the way to work indeed, which potentially could be dangerous. In the very least, if that is the case, he will probably be a half-assed worker today. What can I do about it if that is the case? Nothing.
3) My choice here is to stay awake the rest of the night or try to relax and catch another hour's snooze. What do I choose to do? Go back to sleep. And, I actually accomplish it.
This is a pretty huge milestone, people. I have dragged this kid out of dumpsters and bailed him out of jail and rushed him to the hospital and checked him into rehabs more times than I care to count. My former modus operandi is PANIC and SAVE HIM. I am really, really proud that although I am concerned, I am not consumed.
And, one way or the other, he is going to come out of the other end of this on his own terms. Nothing I can say or do is going to convince him it's a good day to get sober (if he wasn't) if his prior life events haven't done the trick.
Thanks for listening, hope you all have a peaceful day!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I like your thinking. You are miles ahead of where I was and I hope others will listen to your words and "get it' that we are powerless over our addicted loved ones.
I hope you will share more. Your light is shining here, and it is always good to hear from another mom.
Hugs
I hope you will share more. Your light is shining here, and it is always good to hear from another mom.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Welcome to SR! I just wanted to say good job in starting to see the patterns of "the dance" we all do with our loved ones. I agree that the beginning of our recovery is accepting we are powerless. Its time for our adult children to live their life and let us live ours. Of course, it would be very wonderful if they choose sobriety and rejoin our lives, but I have made my commitment "I will not live with someone in active addiction."
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
Yes, yes, yes - recovery at its best...
Welcome to SR! Distancing ourselves from our adult addicted children is truly a gift. And the great thing is that it is also the best way we can help our children - everybody wins!!!
Welcome to SR! Distancing ourselves from our adult addicted children is truly a gift. And the great thing is that it is also the best way we can help our children - everybody wins!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Back in the day, these middle of the night calls were common.
I got to a point where I thought about calls like this and came to the following conclusions:
If someone has died, they will still be dead at a decent hour.
If someone is lying in a ditch, somewhere, they are better off calling 911.
If the world has ended, I'll take notice when I awake.
If the phone rings in the middle of the night, I no longer hear it because I don't keep a phone in my room.
Note: There are no elderly/dependent people in my family.
I got to a point where I thought about calls like this and came to the following conclusions:
If someone has died, they will still be dead at a decent hour.
If someone is lying in a ditch, somewhere, they are better off calling 911.
If the world has ended, I'll take notice when I awake.
If the phone rings in the middle of the night, I no longer hear it because I don't keep a phone in my room.
Note: There are no elderly/dependent people in my family.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: not sure
Posts: 452
Welcome and I'm glad you went back to sleep. Those weird-hour phone calls can trigger a panic attack. That's why my ringer is turned off every night. I figure if anything happens I need to know about immediately, my family will notify me by coming to the house. Besides, if anything does happen, I will need my sleep! We don't keep the same hours as addicts. They think nothing of calling at midnight to ask what the weather is going to be like tomorrow, etc.
Good going, Mom. I hope your son is clean and truly heading for work. Life as the mom of an addict is not one I would wish on anyone. It's a difficult journey that I want to be over, but know I can't control it. I pray for all of the moms here to find serenity.
Good going, Mom. I hope your son is clean and truly heading for work. Life as the mom of an addict is not one I would wish on anyone. It's a difficult journey that I want to be over, but know I can't control it. I pray for all of the moms here to find serenity.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 455
You sound like you are doing great. Late night calls always get my heart pounding even if they are for dumb reasons just because I startle easily. However, I have stopped trying to figure out my AD's calls. She did not call me after she was hospitalized with an overdose but she did call late a few times because her cat was sick. Go figure!
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