Softball27

I just received a phone call from my addicted daughter, we took her car away and her phone and she moved out, about 5 weeks ago. She did have a job for about 2 weeks but, then she just quit going. She was supposed to get a paycheck from that job yesterday. So at 4:45 p.m. she calls me and says " I guess I won't get a paycheck until there next pay period which is in a couple of weeks, I am bored just sitting here on my a**, I know J is tired of driving me around" I just said " any chance that place will hire you back?" and she said "no, Just thought I would call and tell you" click.....

I think she wants me to say, you can use the car to find a job. What should I do????? She is 23 years old. She needs to work, that would be the best thing for her, We live in a rural area, with small towns spaced apart. Most likely she would have to go to a different town than the one she is living in to work.

I don't know what to do. Help.

outtolunch

Do nothing is always an option, most especially when dealing with addiction.

Ann

Perhaps let her do the work of setting up job interviews and then taking her or arranging bus fare or whatever is needed...but not the car.

Anyone can lose a job, but for some reason our kids are very good at just neglecting a job until they get fired. Maybe she will learn from this, that if you want a job you have to work at it.

I'm sorry you are going through this, but she is old enough to find her own way here.

Hugs

SundaysChild

She won't be able to keep a job until she addresses her addiction - it's a symptom of the disease.

You could find the job openings, fill out the application, drive her to the job interview...and even if she got the job, she'd lose it. In the meantime, you'd be just getting further enmeshed in her life, being pulled further into the insanity that swirls around an addict. Don't go there. It won't help her recover, and it could kill you.

(Reading this reminded me of the time when my son was in high school, in the depths of his addiction and I thought a job would help him by raising his self-esteem. A local restaurant had an opening, but it had a very extensive online personality test--about 500 questions. My son said "F-- this" and I was so insane at the time I completed it FOR HIM, asking him the questions while he sat there playing a video game and berated me for interrupting him.)

EJG123

My AD had 2 part-time jobs and an offer for full-time emplyment with benefits from one of them. It would have given her a living wage but she stopped going because her addiction made her too sick to work consistently. IMO your D needs to straighten out before she looks for another job. Getting a job while in active addiction would probably lead to losing that job and burning more bridges with local employers.

Kindeyes

This is a perfect example of the insanity of codependence. I have done this type of thing myself through the years of addiction with my son (and worse). When I read it now, it's so obvious but in the midst of it, it made perfect sense to me somehow. Thanks for sharing.

Sorry for the side track from the OP.

Your daughter is an adult. She stopped going to the job because they had expectations of her that her addiction wouldn't let her fulfill. She's bored. She's not working. She expects you to fix it but it's not your problem to fix. I have found that having a few standard answers helps me. Things like "I'm sorry to hear that." or " what do you plan to do about it" or sometimes it just rates a "hmmmmm". Resisting the urge to simply fix the problem is tough for a codependent. Mothers (or fathers) are often the most accomplished codependent and, therefore, they are the most detrimental to the addict.

I'm sorry that you are dealing with this situation. The most loving thing we can do is give them the dignity of figuring things out for themselves.

gentle hugs
ke

outtolunch

A car comes in handy for drug seeking and giving rides to other addicts for tips.

A car comes in handy to transport stolen goods and/or retail return scams.

( And I really wish I did not know this stuff)