Faithlove

I posted this in the Christians in Recovery forum but wanted to get thoughts from you all here as well.

I know the Bible says to turn the other cheek and to forgive someone 70 x 7 but what exactly is this "forgiveness" the Bible is talking about? What does it mean to you?

Does it mean to forgive without the offender actually asking for your forgiveness? Even God makes us ask Him to be forgiven and we must be contrite or He won't (and shouldn't) forgive us.

Does forgiveness means now everything is ok between you and the offender?If you've forgiven the offender, then nothing is wrong anymore and your relationship should just go back to normal. Right?

Or does it simply mean we hold no ill-will towards the offender? But, that we are permitted to remember all the wrongs they've done to us so that we are careful to protect ourselves (and our children) in the future.

*I feel like I've turned the other cheek a zillion times with my AH. Every friend of mine says this is enough and it's time for me to move on. Now, after years and years, I tend to agree. How much does God want me to put up with? I know He loves my AH but He also loves me.*

Faithlove

And also, we are still separated. I don't believe God wants me to continue to allow my AH to put my children or myself in danger with his drug use. I'm just stuck on the forgiveness part. I guess I've just always believed forgive and forget....but if I do that, then I'd have no boundaries, which isn't safe.

Misguided

Forgiveness is moving on and not holding on to whatever hurt you. Forgiveness does not mean to forget. I think the old cliche makes people confused. Forgiveness is to heal yourself so you can live happy and peaceful. There's really no such thing as "forgetting" unless you had a bout of amnesia.

For me, I can be civil with the people that hurt me if I happen to see them out and about, but there was so much hurt that I chose to leave those doors shut when it came to having relationships/friendships with those people. I also forgave myself for the things I might have done to hurt the relationships. I've forgiven, but even on the rare occassion that I do see them randomly, I haven't forgotten and it brings about uncomfortable and unhealthy feelings.

LoveMeNow

I struggled with this too. My pastor explained Forgiveness does not mean acceptance. Two very different things.

Have you thought of reading Untangled Relationships? It's a codependency book for Christians.

Ann

For me, to forgive means I let go of the pain and the resentment and move forward. They say holding resentments is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick. When I forgive, I free my soul and my mind. It doesn't matter whether the person I forgive knows, it just matters that I let go of the pain I attach to some incident, action or words.

And I take the lesson from it all, to safeguard myself from having it happen again. A strangely wrapped gift is this lesson, a blessing in disguise.

Hugs

FindingErica

In my understanding, forgiveness means to let it go, release it and don't allow it to eat at you. It doesn't mean forget. It doesn't mean discount what you know. It doesn't mean go back to the situation for more hurt. The reason for this is forgiveness is not dependent on the other person changing. Forgiveness has a lot to do with healing yourself, releasing and letting the inflicted wound heal. The other person may never change, forgiveness can also include moving on without that person

incitingsilence

When we forgive it is for us, it is important to our spirituality to forgive because one doesn’t have a nice life if they are harboring hate and anger.

Forgiveness as others have said doesn’t mean you forget, because it would be naïve to forget but that you have let it go now.

In the words of Ghandi…
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.