Any suggestions welcomed.....
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Any suggestions welcomed.....
As some may already know, my 16 yr old son has many issues...drugs being the latest one. At the age of 12, he was already diagnosed with a conduct disorder.
I have lived with years of gas lighting, theft, a bomb threat, court dates, juvie, counseling, week end passes from programs, running away, etc.
I have had many sleepless nights, days and nights filled with fear and tears and I just can't do it any more. I know many Mom's here know what I have experienced but the problem for me is ...he is only 16, so legally I am OBLIGATED.
I am beyond anxious (and it getting worse each day ends) because he is due home on 7/31 and now I am living with some serious FOG!! My husband is now 45 days (?) clean and is still working hard on his recovery. (My son's issues were obvious far before my husband's...not an excuse, just a fact).
My son's insurance and case worker are refusing to consider another program because technically he completed the substance program successfully according to them. Well, that's not the truth. He was kicked out on May 15, after stealing a well hidden RX of mine on his 2nd home visit (Mother's Day), taking some and dispersing some. The program director was even caught off guard by him and was concerned for me and they kept him there - while waiting for another placement. His "insurance" is now stating they will not place him in another program.
We can not afford a $2500/month program and I am at a loss as what to do. I love my son, but my sanity is on the line. I can not and will not go back to living they way we have. Even if my husband was to get his own place with my son (which my son would love) or I moved out, I am not sure how we could afford that either.
Any suggestions?? Any programs you could recommend?? Unfortunately, grants are few and far between right now.
The threats of being charged with abandonment and/or neglect are very scary and are causing more anxiety. And I know my husband is not willing to go that route anyway so here I am ...... anxious with no answers!
I have lived with years of gas lighting, theft, a bomb threat, court dates, juvie, counseling, week end passes from programs, running away, etc.
I have had many sleepless nights, days and nights filled with fear and tears and I just can't do it any more. I know many Mom's here know what I have experienced but the problem for me is ...he is only 16, so legally I am OBLIGATED.
I am beyond anxious (and it getting worse each day ends) because he is due home on 7/31 and now I am living with some serious FOG!! My husband is now 45 days (?) clean and is still working hard on his recovery. (My son's issues were obvious far before my husband's...not an excuse, just a fact).
My son's insurance and case worker are refusing to consider another program because technically he completed the substance program successfully according to them. Well, that's not the truth. He was kicked out on May 15, after stealing a well hidden RX of mine on his 2nd home visit (Mother's Day), taking some and dispersing some. The program director was even caught off guard by him and was concerned for me and they kept him there - while waiting for another placement. His "insurance" is now stating they will not place him in another program.
We can not afford a $2500/month program and I am at a loss as what to do. I love my son, but my sanity is on the line. I can not and will not go back to living they way we have. Even if my husband was to get his own place with my son (which my son would love) or I moved out, I am not sure how we could afford that either.
Any suggestions?? Any programs you could recommend?? Unfortunately, grants are few and far between right now.
The threats of being charged with abandonment and/or neglect are very scary and are causing more anxiety. And I know my husband is not willing to go that route anyway so here I am ...... anxious with no answers!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
The Salvation Army has programs everywhere and they are free. Contact the Salvation Army near you and perhaps they can give you more information.
I am not certain they take anyone under 18, but I believe they have Teen Programs too.
If you PM me where you live perhaps I can see what is available in your are.
I am sorry you are going through this, and limited in what you can do because of his age.
Hugs
I am not certain they take anyone under 18, but I believe they have Teen Programs too.
If you PM me where you live perhaps I can see what is available in your are.
I am sorry you are going through this, and limited in what you can do because of his age.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
I am so sorry for your pain. I can't even imagine. I will say a prayer for your son tonight.
Have you thought about sending him away to some sort of military school? Or is there some kind of school you can send him for his drug/behavior issue? I'm sure money might be an issue, but you could look into tuition discounts or scholarships?????
Have you thought about sending him away to some sort of military school? Or is there some kind of school you can send him for his drug/behavior issue? I'm sure money might be an issue, but you could look into tuition discounts or scholarships?????
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 267
Every state has different laws. In Massachusetts, you can file a CHINS (child in need of supervision) which essentially gives them a probabtion officer. If they violate the rules of your household, the CHINS officer can then take them from the household.
You surrender some parental rights by filing a CHINS, because you are essentially inviting the court into your home, but you also get the court system backing you up.
I received information about the CHINS statute from my son's therapist, one of the hospitals he was in, and his pediatrician. Maybe one of those professionals would be able to guide you to the procedure in your state? You could also call the Family Court for info.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Could your pediatrician help you with your insurance company? Sometimes they listen more to doctors.
You surrender some parental rights by filing a CHINS, because you are essentially inviting the court into your home, but you also get the court system backing you up.
I received information about the CHINS statute from my son's therapist, one of the hospitals he was in, and his pediatrician. Maybe one of those professionals would be able to guide you to the procedure in your state? You could also call the Family Court for info.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Could your pediatrician help you with your insurance company? Sometimes they listen more to doctors.
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Ty Story for your response. Yes, I have looked into them and they are very expensive. My son was in 2 different Christian youth groups and had a couple of young, wonderful youth pastors take an interest. (Saturday morning football, took the kids fishing, took them to a few Christian rap concerts, etc.) My son seemed to really looked up to one in particular but it just didn't stop him. (During this time, my son was arrested for smoking pot, put on home detention, violated his probation then ran away, got 21 days juvie (last 3 days in solitary - but it wasn't his fault 
).
He has many positive role models in his life but choses to continue going down the wrong path. He is great at telling everyone what we want to hear but never walks the walk...like all addicts!!
). He has many positive role models in his life but choses to continue going down the wrong path. He is great at telling everyone what we want to hear but never walks the walk...like all addicts!!
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by SundaysChild 
Every state has different laws. In Massachusetts, you can file a CHINS (child in need of supervision) which essentially gives them a probabtion officer. If they violate the rules of your household, the CHINS officer can then take them from the household.
You surrender some parental rights by filing a CHINS, because you are essentially inviting the court into your home, but you also get the court system backing you up.
I received information about the CHINS statute from my son's therapist, one of the hospitals he was in, and his pediatrician. Maybe one of those professionals would be able to guide you to the procedure in your state? You could also call the Family Court for info.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Could your pediatrician help you with your insurance company? Sometimes they listen more to doctors.
You surrender some parental rights by filing a CHINS, because you are essentially inviting the court into your home, but you also get the court system backing you up.
I received information about the CHINS statute from my son's therapist, one of the hospitals he was in, and his pediatrician. Maybe one of those professionals would be able to guide you to the procedure in your state? You could also call the Family Court for info.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Could your pediatrician help you with your insurance company? Sometimes they listen more to doctors.
His last therapist is also helping too. But we are hitting one wall after another. Its all about the money!!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 267
We contacted the attorney general's office when the insurance company denied coverage- because it was an employer sponsored plan, they referred us to the federal ERISA office. An attorney there contacted the insurance company and FINALLY made it happen for us and got it covered. Unfortunately the process took 7 months, so we needed to pay up front and fight for reimbursement.
But the attorney general's office in your state might also be able to help.
This link helped me understand insurance a bit better. The Parity Toolkit was really helpful.
Faces and Voices of Recovery - About Us - Campaigns - Addiction Parity
But the attorney general's office in your state might also be able to help.
This link helped me understand insurance a bit better. The Parity Toolkit was really helpful.
Faces and Voices of Recovery - About Us - Campaigns - Addiction Parity
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
Have you tried to dial 211? I would make that call all local resources in your area for everything you can think of. It is a one stop shop to information and they may be able to help you navigate through what is available.
Shame you aren't still in MA, because they have Recovery High which is a promising program for teens.
From what I know the salvation army program doesn't take anyone under 21. My son had a hard time getting a bed because the place he was going to didn't think a 21 year old had a bottom. He proved them wrong
You may have to walk the walk and just deal with him.
Or maybe it is time to just let him go, set boundaries and if he violates them, then kick him out. It is he uses, call police, gets violent call police, steals, breaks things, call police... If they come after you, really that seems insane ... ah be the voice for all parents who might be dealing with this, no help, exhausted resources and that I have tried everything. Do you have other children in your home? If so is your home safe for them because what a catch 22.
Also lawyers do consults for free. Have you sought any legal advice from family lawyers? That might another option. Arm yourself with information and document, document, document.
Shame you aren't still in MA, because they have Recovery High which is a promising program for teens.
From what I know the salvation army program doesn't take anyone under 21. My son had a hard time getting a bed because the place he was going to didn't think a 21 year old had a bottom. He proved them wrong
You may have to walk the walk and just deal with him.
Or maybe it is time to just let him go, set boundaries and if he violates them, then kick him out. It is he uses, call police, gets violent call police, steals, breaks things, call police... If they come after you, really that seems insane ... ah be the voice for all parents who might be dealing with this, no help, exhausted resources and that I have tried everything. Do you have other children in your home? If so is your home safe for them because what a catch 22.
Also lawyers do consults for free. Have you sought any legal advice from family lawyers? That might another option. Arm yourself with information and document, document, document.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: In a better place
Posts: 282
Oh my goodness. I can feel your pain through your post. I think this is the most difficult situation a parent can be in. I know when my son was a minor we had him involuntarily committed to a psyche hospital (he was a dual diagnosis at that time, and we were working with a psychiatrist). I don't know if your son has ever been hospitalized for a psychiatric disorder or whether it has all been substance abuse treatment. I don't even know if that would make a difference in insurance coverage, but might be worth pursuing if you don't already have the answer to that.
My prayers are with you and your family during this overwhelming time.
My prayers are with you and your family during this overwhelming time.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Many a troubled teen has been sent here, and no they do not have to be a resident of NM.
New Mexico Military Academy:
NMMI
have no idea what the cost is, if they have some funding programs to help or what, but I have seen their results of some young men and women that have totally 'turned around' while attending there, bringing their grades up and getting some scholarships to some colleges. Yes it is strict. And yes, there is regimentation.
It is state supported and is part of the NM Educational System.
Wouldn't hurt to give it a 'once over' maybe talk to someone in admitting.
Just a thought.
Love and hugs,
New Mexico Military Academy:
NMMI
have no idea what the cost is, if they have some funding programs to help or what, but I have seen their results of some young men and women that have totally 'turned around' while attending there, bringing their grades up and getting some scholarships to some colleges. Yes it is strict. And yes, there is regimentation.
It is state supported and is part of the NM Educational System.
Wouldn't hurt to give it a 'once over' maybe talk to someone in admitting.
Just a thought.
Love and hugs,
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Thank you all for your responses.
I have called 211. I have called many referral programs as well. The National Guard sponsors a free program but it starts in Jan, its 5 months longs and he has to be selected. A psych evaluation has to be submitted. I have a copy of his and well......
My son doesn't have any "psychological" diagnoses. They classify his as "behavioral." He was first diagnosed with ODD (oppositional defiance disorder at 11, then a conduct disorder at 12 and he can not be diagnosed as anti social until he 18).
I have tried to press charges against him and I was unable to. He stole a PS3 and a Wii and well over $1000 worth of games and because they were family gifts and he is part of the family....no law was broken. Can you believe it? That is one example... Our juvie judge (up for re-election in August) is pro kid...which is fine for some kids but at least hear the parents who are at every hearing and advocating for their child to get help.
I have an 18 yr old daughter (his bio sister) who is currently away but did move out to her bff because I was allowing him to come home for a weekend pass. She has always been a loving, supportive sister but absolutely did NOT want him home again. He knew this, said she was being a jerk, and yet still stole from me on Mother's Day. My daughter is a great kid - honor roll, responsible, no drama and just couldn't take it any more. (Also, I have always tried hard to make sure she never felt second, or left out, or left behind...I made sure we had our quality time, she knew how special she was, etc. I didn't want her to ever feel lost in the madness.....I obviously failed).
He has never been violent. He is actually a very well mannered kid (yes sir, no ma'am) which is all part of the game. If you have ever seen the movie Primal Fear - then you would understand.
I have always made excuses for him because of his bio mom, I was a big enabler during his younger years...I am sure I have made many mistakes but I truly thought I could love him enough to get healthy.
Lastly, I was looking up lawyers today....but I hope we don't have to go that route. I hate lawyers. No offense ooopps, lol (My beloved grandfather was a lawyer).
It's just a very sad, frustrating situation. There are no winners. I just keep praying!!
I have called 211. I have called many referral programs as well. The National Guard sponsors a free program but it starts in Jan, its 5 months longs and he has to be selected. A psych evaluation has to be submitted. I have a copy of his and well......
My son doesn't have any "psychological" diagnoses. They classify his as "behavioral." He was first diagnosed with ODD (oppositional defiance disorder at 11, then a conduct disorder at 12 and he can not be diagnosed as anti social until he 18).
I have tried to press charges against him and I was unable to. He stole a PS3 and a Wii and well over $1000 worth of games and because they were family gifts and he is part of the family....no law was broken. Can you believe it? That is one example... Our juvie judge (up for re-election in August) is pro kid...which is fine for some kids but at least hear the parents who are at every hearing and advocating for their child to get help.
I have an 18 yr old daughter (his bio sister) who is currently away but did move out to her bff because I was allowing him to come home for a weekend pass. She has always been a loving, supportive sister but absolutely did NOT want him home again. He knew this, said she was being a jerk, and yet still stole from me on Mother's Day. My daughter is a great kid - honor roll, responsible, no drama and just couldn't take it any more. (Also, I have always tried hard to make sure she never felt second, or left out, or left behind...I made sure we had our quality time, she knew how special she was, etc. I didn't want her to ever feel lost in the madness.....I obviously failed).
He has never been violent. He is actually a very well mannered kid (yes sir, no ma'am) which is all part of the game. If you have ever seen the movie Primal Fear - then you would understand.
I have always made excuses for him because of his bio mom, I was a big enabler during his younger years...I am sure I have made many mistakes but I truly thought I could love him enough to get healthy.
Lastly, I was looking up lawyers today....but I hope we don't have to go that route. I hate lawyers. No offense ooopps, lol (My beloved grandfather was a lawyer).
It's just a very sad, frustrating situation. There are no winners. I just keep praying!!
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