pondo

I've been legally separated from my drug addict husband for 6mos. Im completely detached now and see things crystal-clear. He is an opiate addict for the past 10+ years... I got full custody for our 2year old so far. He's had professionally supervised visits with her once a week for the past 6 mos.
We go to court in 2 weeks. He supposedly has been clean for 5 weeks and wants to ask for her to come stay the weekends with him, and he'll have his aunt supervise.
Im not comfortable with that because I'd like to see a longer track record with him. I'd like to ask for 1year of sobriety before he gets her without a professional supervisor. PLus, his aunt is majorly co-dependant with him.
He's so convincing and manipulative and Im afraid the minors counsel and judge is gonna give him a break here.
Does anyone have experience with this? Any tips for me? thanks.

amaslow

It is amazing how the law does work. Can your attorney require drug screens and docmentation that he is working a program if he gets unsupervised visitation? let your attorney know your concerns.

Impurrfect

((pondo)) - Welcome to SR, though sorry for what has brought you here. My only experience is my niece, who my dad/stepmom raised when her mama died in a car wreck. Her dad is a long-time A, had a "impressive" rap sheet when she was only 1, and though the court did make us allow supervised visits, it wasn't for long and I don't think it was overnight. Once she was able to verbalize some things, the visits were stopped. My niece had a guardian ad litem, who's sole purpose was to advocate for the best interests of the child. Not sure if that's an option?

There are a lot of people here who have been or are going through custody issues...you're not alone.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

StillLearning1

Pondo,
First off, I think that people may be hesitant to post on custody/children threads, as states can be different, judges different, situations.

So keep in mine, we offer our experiences, what may have worked well, or not for us.
Follow your heart.

I agree with you, 5 weeks is not a long time. I also wound not feel comfortable, especially with a child your child's age. During my custody battle (and it was a battle)
I had counselors from the state, ask me if I would agree, if he would agree not to use crack within 24 hours of having the kids, would I be okay with that?
WTH? 1) would there be a WORSE time for a child to be with an addict? 2) I told them, if he could AGREE (and keep his word) to anything, we would NOT be in court.

(but this is just to tell you, "The State" can come up with some crazy ideas...)

Our case went on for years. Though it seemed terrible at the time, the good news was my kids grew older every day. I did at one time have an agreement, that he had to have a negative hair follicle test, that he arranged and paid for, BEFORE he could have visitation.

I don't know your situation, what your ex is like. Mine can be a very good manipulator.
He also knew me well, and tried to push every button possible. My biggest advise, is regardless of what is said, or happens in court, remain calm. Keep your composure.
The judge needs to see that there is a strong, level headed parent.

Lastly- a message of hope. My children are older now. The ex did not get any form of custody, physical or legal. No mandatory visitation, today!! It does get better!

pondo

We've been legally separated for 7mos now and I've had full custody of our 2 year old. Now he's been clean for 2mos. We go to court in 2 weeks and he's asking for overnight visits with her and he'll have his aunt stay to supervise.
Im not comfortable with it. Its too soon. I wanna see a longer track record. Im not sure what the judge will say. I want to ask that he proves clean for 1 year before getting overnights.
Anybody have experience with this? Any tips for me to fight for my daughter? thanks

suki44883

This is a question for legal counsel. All states are different, so you would need to ask your attorney about this. Just my own guess is that if he has a verifiable history of substance abuse, the court might agree that he needs a longer track record.

Hang in there...I know this is frightening. I went through a very similar thing many years ago. As long as you put your child's welfare above all else, you will be fine.

pondo

Thank you. Thats exactly what Im doing... putting her welfare above all else. But he's so manipulative, I fear he's gonna pull somethin over on the judge. He can be so convincing! We're in California.. and I cant afford an attorney. Im all on my own! Thats why Im asking if anyone has been through this and can offer me tips..

suki44883

Oh, well, is there any access to pro bono legal help? I really strongly suggest that you have legal counsel to represent you and your child's interests. Many attorneys offer a free initial consultation, so that might be helpful. There are also attorneys who work on a sliding scale and you can pay them out over time. But honestly, when there is a child involved, and especially if the adverse party has a history of drug use, I cannot stress enough how important it is to have an attorney.

pondo

Wow! Thank you so much for you words, StillLearning1. I really needed to hear that. I dont have my own attorney, thats why Im reaching out to those here with experience. Im in California. He has to take drug tests before his visits now. But I feel he still uses during the week. I will have to check into hair follicle tests. My ex is a "master manipulator"... and he will be pushing every button possible as well. Im all on my own in court and its scary. I only know how to be truthful & calm. I hope and pray that things go in my favor... She has a court appointed attorney "minors counsel", but this lady really wants to see Dad improve and gives him the benefit of the doubt. I know him better. He's just working everybody over. Please, bring on the encouraging words or tips. I need them. Thanks again!

xenoughx

I would see if your county offers free legal advice. Many lawyers do so many pro bono cases a year - start calling around and see what you can find.

Does your child have her own lawyer? When I divorced my ex - she had her own lawyer ordered by the judge.

Carrie

StillLearning1

Pondo-
You have two threads running on this, gets a bit confusing.
In your other thread, you asked for the encouraging words to continue.

As I said, this is a difficult subject. I am, StillLearning!
One thing I have learned, "I can't, they can, I think I will let them."

So, I'm sorry, but I need to remove myself. May be to close for comfort yet. Triggers me.
I wish you and your child the best.
SL

Ann

I just merged the two threads to avoid confusion here.

Pondo, this must be very hard for you and although I have no answers, I hope you find the support and encouragement you are looking for here.

I will keep you and your child in my prayers.

Hugs