Dating a drug abuser
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 557
Originally Posted by Jody675 
ke
the answers I'm looking for is what others experiences are with someone who takes LSD on an irregular basis. is this something that i should be concerned about. the drinking i am concerned about more than the LSD. but yes you are right that i have my concerns. and i have my doubts, and obviously my gut is saying there is something not right here. what I'm wanting is facts from people who have no reason to lie to me. someone who isn't in love with this drug. and from the experience from people who have dealt with those who lack self control. and i am getting that. but i also do want to make sure I'm getting correct info. i could easily write his story in a light that is not all there, just like I'm sure when he tells it, it is less that complete. i use to drink every day. half a bottle of wine, a whole bottle of wine. does that make me any less than a potential addict than anyone else? difference, just as quickly as i started doing that, i release i don't need to. i can drink 1 glass and stop, even if there is only 1 glass left in the bottle. he can't. so for him he's an all or nothing it seems. but these are things I'm only just starting to realise. do i want to fix him, no. he must do that himself. i can no more fix him than he can me. but i want to make sure i completely understand whats going on and make an informed choice for myself.
everyones posts have been very helpful. and i appreciate all of them.
the answers I'm looking for is what others experiences are with someone who takes LSD on an irregular basis. is this something that i should be concerned about. the drinking i am concerned about more than the LSD. but yes you are right that i have my concerns. and i have my doubts, and obviously my gut is saying there is something not right here. what I'm wanting is facts from people who have no reason to lie to me. someone who isn't in love with this drug. and from the experience from people who have dealt with those who lack self control. and i am getting that. but i also do want to make sure I'm getting correct info. i could easily write his story in a light that is not all there, just like I'm sure when he tells it, it is less that complete. i use to drink every day. half a bottle of wine, a whole bottle of wine. does that make me any less than a potential addict than anyone else? difference, just as quickly as i started doing that, i release i don't need to. i can drink 1 glass and stop, even if there is only 1 glass left in the bottle. he can't. so for him he's an all or nothing it seems. but these are things I'm only just starting to realise. do i want to fix him, no. he must do that himself. i can no more fix him than he can me. but i want to make sure i completely understand whats going on and make an informed choice for myself.
everyones posts have been very helpful. and i appreciate all of them.
Alcoholism doesn't come in bottles, it come in people. The difference between a normal drinker and an alcoholic is not the amount or the drug that is consumed, it's the reasons they do it. When I went to the bar it was to drink, not socialize. When I drank it was to get drunk, not have fun. When I drank it was to hide from life, not interact with it. When I drank I didn't have to deal with life.
LSD is a very dangerous drug. Been there, done that and almost killed myself getting the t-shirt.
Doesn't matter what anyone says. Something about the whole situation with him is causing you to question. Listen to your instincts, I can hear them screaming at you all the way from Alberta.
Alcoholic / Addicts while still using and not in recovery, are for the most part untrustworthy, beligerent children. I was one. I would have had nothing to do with me.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 924
I was quite a "tripper" back in the day...LSD is a wild drug, it alters your perception and there has been a lot written about it. In some ways I want to almost stand in defense of the visions one attains from using it. LSD and ecstasy have both been used in therapy in the past, experimental phases...anyway, I don't regret my past or the visions (hallucinations) I had.
There are many drugs that are/have been used for shamanistic/visionary purposes. If you are really going to have a conversation with someone who has used/uses them then knowing a little bit of this insight is probably helpful. To flat out refuse the "positive" power of a particular drug rings untrue for someone who has experienced the power of it.
THAT BEING SAID (!!!) there is the DANGER of the drug...obviously.
I'm sure my exABFs DOC (crack) has amazing power as well...but the consequences are more obvious. HUGELY addictive, and rapidly life destroying.
As for LSD? Clinically after 7 uses you are "legally insane". We as human beings are just not meant to "see" as much as we see on this drug. It severs your synapsis and permanent damage begins as soon as abuse begins. AND you never know who made the batch. I have an acquaintance from high school who literally lost her mind on a trip and hasn't come back in 30 years. This drug is crazy powerful, and while I wouldn't necessarily call it addictive...that is not the same as saying people don't ABUSE it. And when they abuse it they totally, absolutely abuse themselves.
The abuse is evident in the fact that he thinks of life as "mundane". If normal life is mundane and he uses LSD in order to enjoy his perspective, he may not be "addicted" to it but he is sadly abusing it.
It would be like walking into a sacred Native American Peyote ceremony and just using it to trip out and be a loser.
I am offering this "out there" perspective only because I know how I used to think...and if someone would have compared my trips (LSD and Mushrooms) to an addictive drug it would have smacked of ignorance to me and I wouldn't have heard anything else they would have to say.
What you have to say is that his brain is going to eventually melt on this acid, literally. And if he isn't strong enough to have embraced the vision he has received and then recall it and experience it in life without the crutch of an insanely powerful drug then he shouldn't be using it any longer. How many more times does he plan to trip in his lifetime??? A brain can only really handle so much abuse (abnormal use).
It's kind of like the idea that some substances, if used with care and control could be beneficial...but in the hands of the ignorant and abusers get degraded and totally destructive.
All of this, of course, is JMHO!!!
There are many drugs that are/have been used for shamanistic/visionary purposes. If you are really going to have a conversation with someone who has used/uses them then knowing a little bit of this insight is probably helpful. To flat out refuse the "positive" power of a particular drug rings untrue for someone who has experienced the power of it.
THAT BEING SAID (!!!) there is the DANGER of the drug...obviously.
I'm sure my exABFs DOC (crack) has amazing power as well...but the consequences are more obvious. HUGELY addictive, and rapidly life destroying.
As for LSD? Clinically after 7 uses you are "legally insane". We as human beings are just not meant to "see" as much as we see on this drug. It severs your synapsis and permanent damage begins as soon as abuse begins. AND you never know who made the batch. I have an acquaintance from high school who literally lost her mind on a trip and hasn't come back in 30 years. This drug is crazy powerful, and while I wouldn't necessarily call it addictive...that is not the same as saying people don't ABUSE it. And when they abuse it they totally, absolutely abuse themselves.
The abuse is evident in the fact that he thinks of life as "mundane". If normal life is mundane and he uses LSD in order to enjoy his perspective, he may not be "addicted" to it but he is sadly abusing it.
It would be like walking into a sacred Native American Peyote ceremony and just using it to trip out and be a loser.
I am offering this "out there" perspective only because I know how I used to think...and if someone would have compared my trips (LSD and Mushrooms) to an addictive drug it would have smacked of ignorance to me and I wouldn't have heard anything else they would have to say.
What you have to say is that his brain is going to eventually melt on this acid, literally. And if he isn't strong enough to have embraced the vision he has received and then recall it and experience it in life without the crutch of an insanely powerful drug then he shouldn't be using it any longer. How many more times does he plan to trip in his lifetime??? A brain can only really handle so much abuse (abnormal use).
It's kind of like the idea that some substances, if used with care and control could be beneficial...but in the hands of the ignorant and abusers get degraded and totally destructive.
All of this, of course, is JMHO!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 30
Hear hear....the experiences of those in recovery is really helpful. I initially posted in the substance abuse section to get the views of those who were/had been addicted because I still cannot get my head around how someone can choose a substance over a loving relationship.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Boston, Ma
Posts: 184
snopes.com: LSD Insanity
Just saying.
That being said, after a while your brain chemistry IS permanently altered and doesn't relate to reality the same way.. i.e. you do eventually go crazy. I've met alot of burn outs and it is not pretty.
Just saying.
That being said, after a while your brain chemistry IS permanently altered and doesn't relate to reality the same way.. i.e. you do eventually go crazy. I've met alot of burn outs and it is not pretty.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
He is an addict, addicts lie, they ALL do. If he says he is only doing LSD several times a year, he is lying plus he is addicted to alcohol and I wouldn't be surprised if he is not using some other drugs as well.
What LSD does to him is not the issue, the issue is that he is an addict and doing what addicts do...lie and manipulate.
Be smart, let go and move forward with your life.
What LSD does to him is not the issue, the issue is that he is an addict and doing what addicts do...lie and manipulate.
Be smart, let go and move forward with your life.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: North West, England
Posts: 500
For me, i could never date anyone actively using drugs ever again for my own sanity. Acid might not be addictive, but it's completely terrifying to be stuck in a dark room holding a baby and faced with an 18st man tripping his face off. I speak from experience. It's not a nice drug, but are any of them nice?
If someone can't deal with how 'mundane'/difficult/anything else their life is and needs to chemically alter their mind in order to gain some happiness, they're not a person I want to be around. It doesn't matter if it's once a year or four times a day. I've spent the best part of four years on that crazy train and it was the worst ride of my life. For my own health, never again.
If someone can't deal with how 'mundane'/difficult/anything else their life is and needs to chemically alter their mind in order to gain some happiness, they're not a person I want to be around. It doesn't matter if it's once a year or four times a day. I've spent the best part of four years on that crazy train and it was the worst ride of my life. For my own health, never again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 462
some sobering thoughts to wake up to. yes I'm in denial that he is lost to this, but the words of KE really hit home (and yes i was avoiding answering for I'm not ready to face that). all her words are my thoughts. just not wanting to say them. Fred thank you so much for your abrupt honesty from someone who has been there. and Leslie some of the info you gave is the same stuff he sprouts to me. this drug is king as far as he is concerned and i no doubt that if push came to shove i would lose without another thought.
yes his lifestyle concerns me as my kids are entering into that oh fun age, and this has certainly been expressed to him. but the more i read the uneasier i feel about all of this. about him.
before i got up this morning i realised i have just 1 questions to ask him. does he ever envisage a life without drugs? (funny thing i already know the answer to that one). but to ask it out loud, and give him the opportunity to respond is something i feel is warranted. but i am seeing that this relationship has no future. i can not compete with drugs. and yes i want to be someones everything and they mine. (well ok...almost everything). but its a lifestyle that i can not be associated with the type of work i do and my kids.
i will keep in touch to let you know what happens, but i appreciate all the advise, stories, and support of you all.
thank you.
yes his lifestyle concerns me as my kids are entering into that oh fun age, and this has certainly been expressed to him. but the more i read the uneasier i feel about all of this. about him.
before i got up this morning i realised i have just 1 questions to ask him. does he ever envisage a life without drugs? (funny thing i already know the answer to that one). but to ask it out loud, and give him the opportunity to respond is something i feel is warranted. but i am seeing that this relationship has no future. i can not compete with drugs. and yes i want to be someones everything and they mine. (well ok...almost everything). but its a lifestyle that i can not be associated with the type of work i do and my kids.
i will keep in touch to let you know what happens, but i appreciate all the advise, stories, and support of you all.
thank you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Central Ohio
Posts: 119
I'm going to take a guess here that the 6 months you've known him, he's been putting his best foot foreward, and now he's growing tired of making the effort.
My XA was perfect for the first 6 mos, drank "socially", at the 6 mo mark he started staying out all night, wetting himself, fall down black out drunk. Getting fired from jobs, lying, manipulating. And it only took me 4 years to figure out the drunk guy is the real him. The guy I had for the first 6 mos does not exist. It's a role he plays to "hook" his next enabler.
I don't know if that's the case with your man. But given what you said about his past, and with his friends....people are only as good as the people they surround themselves with.....just sayin.
My XA was perfect for the first 6 mos, drank "socially", at the 6 mo mark he started staying out all night, wetting himself, fall down black out drunk. Getting fired from jobs, lying, manipulating. And it only took me 4 years to figure out the drunk guy is the real him. The guy I had for the first 6 mos does not exist. It's a role he plays to "hook" his next enabler.
I don't know if that's the case with your man. But given what you said about his past, and with his friends....people are only as good as the people they surround themselves with.....just sayin.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 30
That's so true. One reason my ex gave me when he finished with me was that I wouldn't like his friends. That's because he does drugs around them & he couldn't do drugs (openly) around me. I don't think they were particularly nice people. His best friend died of a heroin overdose 2 years ago too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 462
thanks for that...yeah i have already commented on the quality of his friends and even he knows thats indication of where he has been, but as these people were the ones that stood by him and were there during his cancer treatment he has a certain amount of loyalty to them. which is fine, but as long as they are using, they are unhealthy. maybe one day he will see that. the funny thing is he is generally the one wanting to spend time with them, so its very much him wanting to stay in touch. i can not and will not ask him to leave his friends. he has to be the one to see what he needs to do to get out of this mess if that is what he truly wants. i have shown him a glimpse of what life could be without drugs in it, but its up to him to want it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 462
******* girl, men don't FINISH with YOU, they just chose their drugs over a relationship with you. maybe a mindset change is in order. the way you say it sounds like they are throwing out a piece of rubbish, and there isn't a person here that deserves to feel like that. everyone here are here to face their problems. and this is a very safe place to admit to them. maybe time to have a closer look inside and see if you can find that strong woman who wants to come out. from what you have said is that this guy is wanting to concentrate on himself during recovery (am i right). he's putting himself first. thats not throwing you way, thats doing what is right for a change. maybe you could follow his lead and start doing what is right for you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,393
Hi. I dated a guy who had been on meth. Clean a couple years. He was so sweet and fun to be around. He loved life. After a couple months he suddenly became very different. It was obvious to me he had gone back. He was extremely agitated and unreliable. I decided to get out, as someone else here said, while the relationship was new. That's my experience. I feel lucky that I did get out when I did. Love to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 462
i read somewhere you can tell a lot about someone by the people they have in their lives. so yes i think your minister has some very wise words. but when you meet someone you don't always meet their friends straight up. and some of the guys i have dated don't even have friends. they became friends with mine.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 30
Hi Jody
Thanks for the message. (1.45am in England and I've woken up thinking of him again-very frustrating!)
Mine wasn't about to start on recovery sadly. He was still in denial stage. He kept telling me that he didn't do that much coke but I think that's all relative. I suspect he was a once a week binger at least because he would spend a lot of his weekend & midweek evenings sleeping it off or would want sympathy from me for being "wrecked" on a Sunday (which I thought was just a hangover-and no, I refuse to give sympathy for something that's self-inflicted!).
He gave me all sorts of reasons for breaking it off-not having much in common (not true, IMO unless he meant drugs) and that I wouldn't like his friends, and not being ready for another relationship. He also said he'd realised he'd rather see his mates than see me which was a bit of a kick in the teeth.
His twin sister does a lot of coke he said so I think he thinks he doesn't do that much compared to her.
In terms of him choosing drugs over me, that's a helpful way to look at it. The only thing is that he had a 2 year relationship that finished just before we met and a 5 year relationship before that. I think both took drugs with him but it does hurt that he didn't want to continue seeing me. I know that I will look back at some point and feel glad but am still very hurt. In hindsight, the red flags were there from our 3rd date though.
Anyway, I don't mean to hijack your thread! These situations can leave so many unanswered questions.
Thanks for the message. (1.45am in England and I've woken up thinking of him again-very frustrating!)
Mine wasn't about to start on recovery sadly. He was still in denial stage. He kept telling me that he didn't do that much coke but I think that's all relative. I suspect he was a once a week binger at least because he would spend a lot of his weekend & midweek evenings sleeping it off or would want sympathy from me for being "wrecked" on a Sunday (which I thought was just a hangover-and no, I refuse to give sympathy for something that's self-inflicted!).
He gave me all sorts of reasons for breaking it off-not having much in common (not true, IMO unless he meant drugs) and that I wouldn't like his friends, and not being ready for another relationship. He also said he'd realised he'd rather see his mates than see me which was a bit of a kick in the teeth.
His twin sister does a lot of coke he said so I think he thinks he doesn't do that much compared to her.
In terms of him choosing drugs over me, that's a helpful way to look at it. The only thing is that he had a 2 year relationship that finished just before we met and a 5 year relationship before that. I think both took drugs with him but it does hurt that he didn't want to continue seeing me. I know that I will look back at some point and feel glad but am still very hurt. In hindsight, the red flags were there from our 3rd date though.
Anyway, I don't mean to hijack your thread! These situations can leave so many unanswered questions.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 110
You both seem like nice ladies and there are so many nice men out there, you deserve so much better!
The addict in my life is a family member and we're stuck with her. To have the choice to take one on willingly or not should be a no-brainer. Don't do it!
The addict in my life is a family member and we're stuck with her. To have the choice to take one on willingly or not should be a no-brainer. Don't do it!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
