my boyfriends addicted to heroin
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: san diego california
Posts: 36
I don't know how its gunna be like or how he is gunna acr.. what do I do? I set up to have him have the room all to himself and I'm gunna sleep downstairs so he isn't bothered but I'm still right here if he needs me but I just haven't gone thru this so idk.. I was crying tonight and he goes don't cry aren't u happy I am... like I know its what he wants so I kno it can be sucessful. And he is ready but I'm just stressed and don't know how or what to do...I'm gunna read on it now
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
Princesssarrah, I pray everything goes well I reread your post and it seems every guy you have been with is an addict? Have you asked yourself why? I understand the feeling of being a victim of drug abuse but honmaybe you need to work on yourself?
Just my opinion and I am not trying too be mean but you have kept yourself a victim because you continue to choose not one addict and not two but over and over????
Just something for you to think about?
Just my opinion and I am not trying too be mean but you have kept yourself a victim because you continue to choose not one addict and not two but over and over????
Just something for you to think about?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: san diego california
Posts: 36
Yes my daughter is with my grandparents ad they live next door so I get to see her as much and help him at the same time...
And about me being with ppl who use drug its been 3 ppl my daughters dad didn't do it until he joined the military and was gone in another state I didn't even kno he was doing it until he got throw in the brig and he told me. And I thought he was because money was going missing but I was in another state so I cudnt be sure... then the boyriend I was with before this one I was with him two years then he started kicking it wit the wrong ppl and I stayed with him a year while he was doing drugs everyday all day beating me hitting ke bad stuff finally ended one day he threw something at my off a second sto9ry and my daughter was there and it cud of hit hr I called the cops he went to jail and I've been free of him... he was my addiction I wud of done anything and everything for him.. I was even physically sick after we broke up but this month makes a year free of him my friends and I are celebrating....and as for my knew boyfriend I knew he used meth from a time or two like everyonce in awhile...it wasn't. Until he lived wit mw that I bcame suspicious and found tuff didn't say anything to him until he came to me finally and he wants to change that's why he finally told me about the heroin... he didn't even know that I knew but he needed help and wants me to be here for him so that's where we are and todays the first day and imb just nervous to see how this goes... I don't wanna leave his side but there is a meeting tonight I wanna go to or on Tuesday I fo7nd one... which day shud I go???
And about me being with ppl who use drug its been 3 ppl my daughters dad didn't do it until he joined the military and was gone in another state I didn't even kno he was doing it until he got throw in the brig and he told me. And I thought he was because money was going missing but I was in another state so I cudnt be sure... then the boyriend I was with before this one I was with him two years then he started kicking it wit the wrong ppl and I stayed with him a year while he was doing drugs everyday all day beating me hitting ke bad stuff finally ended one day he threw something at my off a second sto9ry and my daughter was there and it cud of hit hr I called the cops he went to jail and I've been free of him... he was my addiction I wud of done anything and everything for him.. I was even physically sick after we broke up but this month makes a year free of him my friends and I are celebrating....and as for my knew boyfriend I knew he used meth from a time or two like everyonce in awhile...it wasn't. Until he lived wit mw that I bcame suspicious and found tuff didn't say anything to him until he came to me finally and he wants to change that's why he finally told me about the heroin... he didn't even know that I knew but he needed help and wants me to be here for him so that's where we are and todays the first day and imb just nervous to see how this goes... I don't wanna leave his side but there is a meeting tonight I wanna go to or on Tuesday I fo7nd one... which day shud I go???
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 924
people who find the relief of some recovery go to meetings a lot! you can go everyday for awhile if you want!! it is such a relief to find a group of people who understand.
no one at a meeting is going to tell you what to do.
they aren't going to tell you how to help him.
what you are going to find is the peace and serenity and tools to help you deal with fear and pain....and move forward toward a happy and peaceful life!!! go to as many meetings as you can...they are all kind of different. meetings have different "personalities" depending upon who goes. try out a few and find the meetings that feel like home to you.
so happy that you are locating some and planning on going!!!
no one at a meeting is going to tell you what to do.
they aren't going to tell you how to help him.
what you are going to find is the peace and serenity and tools to help you deal with fear and pain....and move forward toward a happy and peaceful life!!! go to as many meetings as you can...they are all kind of different. meetings have different "personalities" depending upon who goes. try out a few and find the meetings that feel like home to you.
so happy that you are locating some and planning on going!!!
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: san diego california
Posts: 36
And yes I do plan to go to many just if I don't make it tonight I will go on Tuesday and I know they won't tell me what to do but I need the fellowship of ithers going thru this
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
I am glad you have decided to attend meetings I was reluctant to do so and I am now very glad I did I have not been to the recommended 6 yet but I already know I will continue going and I feel lucky because I found one that works forme the first place I went.
((((((((Sara))))))) I am sorry you went through a domestic relationship very happy your out of that I watched my daughter experience that as well as my mom when I was a kid.
((((((((Sara))))))) I am sorry you went through a domestic relationship very happy your out of that I watched my daughter experience that as well as my mom when I was a kid.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Sarah, Please read.
AN OPEN LETTER TO MY FAMILY
~NarAnon
I am a drug addict. I need help -- from a doctor, a psychologist, a counselor, from an addict who found recovery in Narcotics Anonymous, and from God.
Don't solve my problems for me. This only makes me lose respect for you.
Don't lecture, moralize, scold, blame, or argue -- whether I'm loaded or not. It may make you feel better, but it will make the situation worse.
Don't accept my promises. The nature of my illness prevents me from keeping them, even though I mean them at the time. Promises are my only way of postponing pain. Don't keep switching agreements; if an agreement is made -- stick to it.
Don't lose your temper with me. It will destroy you and any possibility of helping me.
Don't allow your anxiety for me make you do what I should do for myself.
Don't cover up or try to spare me the consequences of my using. It may reduce the crisis, but it will make my illness worse.
Above all, don't run away from reality as I do. Drug dependence, my illness, gets worse as the using continues. Start now to learn, to understand, to plan for recovery. Find Nar-Anon, whose groups exist to help the families of drug-abusers.
God,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
AN OPEN LETTER TO MY FAMILY
~NarAnon
I am a drug addict. I need help -- from a doctor, a psychologist, a counselor, from an addict who found recovery in Narcotics Anonymous, and from God.
Don't solve my problems for me. This only makes me lose respect for you.
Don't lecture, moralize, scold, blame, or argue -- whether I'm loaded or not. It may make you feel better, but it will make the situation worse.
Don't accept my promises. The nature of my illness prevents me from keeping them, even though I mean them at the time. Promises are my only way of postponing pain. Don't keep switching agreements; if an agreement is made -- stick to it.
Don't lose your temper with me. It will destroy you and any possibility of helping me.
Don't allow your anxiety for me make you do what I should do for myself.
Don't cover up or try to spare me the consequences of my using. It may reduce the crisis, but it will make my illness worse.
Above all, don't run away from reality as I do. Drug dependence, my illness, gets worse as the using continues. Start now to learn, to understand, to plan for recovery. Find Nar-Anon, whose groups exist to help the families of drug-abusers.
God,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
Originally Posted by LoveMeNot 
.
Don't accept my promises. The nature of my illness prevents me from keeping them, even though I mean them at the time. Promises are my only way of postponing pain
God,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Don't accept my promises. The nature of my illness prevents me from keeping them, even though I mean them at the time. Promises are my only way of postponing pain
God,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
PrincessSarah.
I dont have any information on home detox, but I do know that the post I linked earlier, it had information on what that person went through. Did you have a chance to read it?
It is nice you live close to your family. I bet that helps a lot. I dont know what I would do without help from my family, and of course I have no worries when my son is with them.
I hope you can start the meetings that you are thinking about soon. It may be very helpful for you to meet others face to face. I havent done any, but a lot of people really like them.
I hope everything is ok tonight. Sending a prayer for both of you.
I dont have any information on home detox, but I do know that the post I linked earlier, it had information on what that person went through. Did you have a chance to read it?
It is nice you live close to your family. I bet that helps a lot. I dont know what I would do without help from my family, and of course I have no worries when my son is with them.
I hope you can start the meetings that you are thinking about soon. It may be very helpful for you to meet others face to face. I havent done any, but a lot of people really like them.
I hope everything is ok tonight. Sending a prayer for both of you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: san diego california
Posts: 36
Love me not thank you so much for that.. I even just red it out loud to my boyfriend...
I'm so excited and anxious bout going to the meetings and day one is over with lots of tossing an turning and shaking but resting... I got him to eat and drink so I'm happy I laid next to him on the floor so he wud have plenty room on the bed and I watched movies and blogged I'm so excited....
Yes I did red the link you posted thak you so much.... one day down guys I'm so excited....
My family is amazing and I'm so lucky to have them in my life... god had def helped me thru so much and blessed me wit them....
My daughter was even damaged she saw him hit me and gets all nerves when ppl argue or raise here voices now and I have that to blame for but I'm just happy he gave me the streght to leave my love addiction....
Thank all of you for eveerything seriously its been the only strenght I have had it gets me thru...
and only two of my older frinds there a couple there like 2 weeks clean been using for 20 plus years prob 30 well I ket them thru my boyfriend and they want to go to meetings with us and there excited...
I'm so excited and anxious bout going to the meetings and day one is over with lots of tossing an turning and shaking but resting... I got him to eat and drink so I'm happy I laid next to him on the floor so he wud have plenty room on the bed and I watched movies and blogged I'm so excited....
Yes I did red the link you posted thak you so much.... one day down guys I'm so excited....
My family is amazing and I'm so lucky to have them in my life... god had def helped me thru so much and blessed me wit them....
My daughter was even damaged she saw him hit me and gets all nerves when ppl argue or raise here voices now and I have that to blame for but I'm just happy he gave me the streght to leave my love addiction....
Thank all of you for eveerything seriously its been the only strenght I have had it gets me thru...
and only two of my older frinds there a couple there like 2 weeks clean been using for 20 plus years prob 30 well I ket them thru my boyfriend and they want to go to meetings with us and there excited...
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
I too have followed his (Y&C) journey to recovery. He stated he was going to 2-3 12 step meetings a day. He initially used suboxone to help with his withdrawals. He is working hard to make ends meat and repay his bills, regain the trust of his family, had lost his family and girlfriend while he was using and finding new support in AA/NA. It is a life of an addict, who hit rock bottom and is climbing his way out. He is doing all this hard work on his own.
I continue to pray for him. I pray he continues to beat the odds and beats his addiction and has a wonderful, happy, lifelong recovery.
However, it would be naive of me to believe one man's determination can determine the fate of another mans. The story gives me hope for all addicts but living on "hope" was very unhealthy for me. Hard work, determination, self discovery, humility and changed behavior is what I need to see and I what I need to do as well.
I must believe actions and behaviors - not words!!
My prayers go out to all addicts and their loved ones.
I continue to pray for him. I pray he continues to beat the odds and beats his addiction and has a wonderful, happy, lifelong recovery.
However, it would be naive of me to believe one man's determination can determine the fate of another mans. The story gives me hope for all addicts but living on "hope" was very unhealthy for me. Hard work, determination, self discovery, humility and changed behavior is what I need to see and I what I need to do as well.
I must believe actions and behaviors - not words!!
My prayers go out to all addicts and their loved ones.
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
PrincessSarah. Im glad things are going better than you expected so far. Its good to hear you excited to go to meetings and that you have others who want to go too. Great news, thanks for sharing.
I want to comment on the link from the guy in recovery from heroin.
When I read the story of YoungAndClean I found it to be very inspirational. Of course you cannot read one persons journey and say this will be the path for everyone. No one here has the ability to say what the outcome will be for anyone else. That is why I do not think people on the forum should preach to others and tell them what to do. We should only share our personal experience.
I have noticed a lot of people who jump in with advice, never tell their personal stories, and then I have nothing to base their opinion on. Who are they, how can they relate to what Im going through, do they speak from a place of anger and bitterness, surrender, hope. I cant tell without reading their story.
The other thing about YoungandClean story is that I realize if this persons parents were to come to this forum, they would be told most of their actions were wrong according to the people here, but yet their son is doing well today and gives them credit for being supportive.
Day 4: “ staying at my parents and they know im sobering up but not from what exactly, and I have to keep it that way. If the y knew the truth it would crush them.”
Day 7: Called my mom asked her if I could borrow the money and she was hesitant because shes not sure yet if im committed to sobriety and she doesn’t want to enable me. So I said I’ll go to a morning AA meeting. So I came home and called my mom and since Im doing the right thing she agreed to help me out. Things are looking a lot more optimistic in my life today.
Day 11: Since being sober Ive gained the support of my parents again and they have been so helpful buying my groceries and loaning me money for bills and whatnot. I just tell myself to keep doing the right thing and things will improve….slowly.
Day 30: clean and sober. When I get cravings I think about having to start this process over and losing friends form AA, my sponsor, and losing my familys support.
Day 52: Which was today in a reply to PrincessSarah. he says: yes, clean and sober 52 days.
Im not saying that his parents caused him to get clean, or that they will keep him clean, but obviously their support was a source of encouragement to him at the very least. And yet, based much of what Ive read on this particular family forum, I can safely say the majority of people would say they were wrong in giving support. Obviously this recovering addict is not the only one who feels like family support plays a role in recovery.
(and this post is about recovery not active use, lets not forget that).
Its my opinion there is a lesson to be learned for family members also in this post. Some may not see it and that is fine, because the road to recovery is different for everyone, and each person’s path should be respected.
I want to comment on the link from the guy in recovery from heroin.
When I read the story of YoungAndClean I found it to be very inspirational. Of course you cannot read one persons journey and say this will be the path for everyone. No one here has the ability to say what the outcome will be for anyone else. That is why I do not think people on the forum should preach to others and tell them what to do. We should only share our personal experience.
I have noticed a lot of people who jump in with advice, never tell their personal stories, and then I have nothing to base their opinion on. Who are they, how can they relate to what Im going through, do they speak from a place of anger and bitterness, surrender, hope. I cant tell without reading their story.
The other thing about YoungandClean story is that I realize if this persons parents were to come to this forum, they would be told most of their actions were wrong according to the people here, but yet their son is doing well today and gives them credit for being supportive.
Day 4: “ staying at my parents and they know im sobering up but not from what exactly, and I have to keep it that way. If the y knew the truth it would crush them.”
Day 7: Called my mom asked her if I could borrow the money and she was hesitant because shes not sure yet if im committed to sobriety and she doesn’t want to enable me. So I said I’ll go to a morning AA meeting. So I came home and called my mom and since Im doing the right thing she agreed to help me out. Things are looking a lot more optimistic in my life today.
Day 11: Since being sober Ive gained the support of my parents again and they have been so helpful buying my groceries and loaning me money for bills and whatnot. I just tell myself to keep doing the right thing and things will improve….slowly.
Day 30: clean and sober. When I get cravings I think about having to start this process over and losing friends form AA, my sponsor, and losing my familys support.
Day 52: Which was today in a reply to PrincessSarah. he says: yes, clean and sober 52 days.
Im not saying that his parents caused him to get clean, or that they will keep him clean, but obviously their support was a source of encouragement to him at the very least. And yet, based much of what Ive read on this particular family forum, I can safely say the majority of people would say they were wrong in giving support. Obviously this recovering addict is not the only one who feels like family support plays a role in recovery.
(and this post is about recovery not active use, lets not forget that).
Its my opinion there is a lesson to be learned for family members also in this post. Some may not see it and that is fine, because the road to recovery is different for everyone, and each person’s path should be respected.
I AM CANADIAN
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
i was wondering...WHO TAUGHT YOU TO PUT HIM 1st and not YOU and YOUR CHILD?
self care is FOR YOU and your baby...you are NO GOOD for anyone else unless you take care of YOU...please do what is right for you and that baby girl
please go to NAR ANON or AL ANON for you....
his recovery will be for HIM and him only, not for anyone else...
sending you my prayers
self care is FOR YOU and your baby...you are NO GOOD for anyone else unless you take care of YOU...please do what is right for you and that baby girl
please go to NAR ANON or AL ANON for you....
his recovery will be for HIM and him only, not for anyone else...
sending you my prayers
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: NY
Posts: 4
Allforc, I personally agree with you completely. I believe it is important to support RECOVERY. I have made choices that others may not agree with and I respect that, but I think they were the right choices for me. My RAH now has a month clean, is in intensive outpatient, maintains a full-time job, and has medical support and a treatment plan through his doctor with Vivitrol. He is doing well and so am I. I am not saying that I am the reason he is clean or anything like that, but I think that the support he has received from me and his family means a lot to him. Addiction is a disease and not a moral failing. Anyway, this is just my personal belief and I am in no way criticizing other people's recovery and beliefs. I wish everyone on here the best.
I AM CANADIAN
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
@hopefulwife710...support recovery?...yes BUT within reason...THEY have their recovery fellowship...like we should have our own...
AA and AL ANON do work together...the reason i say this is because...the ALCHOLIC has to do this HIM/HERSELF...all of it...recovery/and also RELAPSE(if it happens)...
are you gonna take his fall in relapse to?
what i dont understand is: do you want a pat on the back in HIS RECOVERY?
AA and AL ANON do work together...the reason i say this is because...the ALCHOLIC has to do this HIM/HERSELF...all of it...recovery/and also RELAPSE(if it happens)...
are you gonna take his fall in relapse to?
what i dont understand is: do you want a pat on the back in HIS RECOVERY?
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: MI
Posts: 452
Allforc, I too agree with your post. I don't think that all addicts are identical in their behavior and commitment to recovery, any more than any person is identical or interchangeable with any other. Each person's "bottom" is different, and when a person is truly ready for recovery, support from other people is an important component to recovery success. This concept is what AA/NA and even this web site are all about - the substance abuse forums are here to provide the addict seeking recovery with SUPPORT from other addicts who are seeking or are in recovery.
The focus of THIS particular board is the health and happiness of the people who love addicts, and how to maintain happiness and sanity in the face of the drama, chaos, pain, and betrayal that goes with addiction. So often, the addict SAYS he's committed to recovery, but his words are just an attempt to manipulate, or his "commitment" isn't strong enough, and the back and forth between "recovery" and relapse causes more and more pain to those who love him, as he does it again, and again, and again. I think the decision to go "no contact," to disassociate from the addict, etc., is about (or should be about) protecting the health and sanity of the person who loves the addict, not about trying to push the addict into recovery by "making" him hit bottom. Because none of us can accomplish that, and we will never really know where our addict's "bottom" is - this is just another attempt to control the uncontrollable. Only the addict can decide to truly get clean.
The stance I always took with my AS was - if you are working on recovery, I'm there for you; if you are in active addiction, I'm out. I was aware of his substance abuse problem for about two years, and of his addiction to heroin for only six months before he passed away. We (I say "we" because it was definitely a joint effort, even though I know it can't really be) were aggressively working on recovery programs - both in and out patient rehab - for only four months at the time of his death. So there wasn't an opportunity for me to become burned out on "manipulation through professed commitment to recovery," as so many parents on this board have experienced. In that short period of time, he disappointed me with relapse after relapse, and I felt like an emotional roller coaster - one minute supporting him, the next minute cutting him off. But I wouldn't do anything differently looking back on it. Had things continued in the recovery/relapse mode, I might well have decided that I couldn't take it anymore and refused to be supportive even when he was going through his "I'm now trying to be in recovery" mode. But if that had happened, it would have been solely because I needed to cut things off FOR ME, not because I was trying to have any particular impact on him. I still think that the ideal approach is to be there for them when they are working on recovery, shut them out when they are pursuing their addiction. But at some point, it may be impossible to take this approach and stay healthy and happy yourself due to the addict's inability or hidden unwillingness to stay in recovery. And at that point, it's a great thing that NA/AA is around, since I do believe an addict NEEDS support of others for recovery to be successful, and burnt out friends and family members just can't provide that anymore.
The focus of THIS particular board is the health and happiness of the people who love addicts, and how to maintain happiness and sanity in the face of the drama, chaos, pain, and betrayal that goes with addiction. So often, the addict SAYS he's committed to recovery, but his words are just an attempt to manipulate, or his "commitment" isn't strong enough, and the back and forth between "recovery" and relapse causes more and more pain to those who love him, as he does it again, and again, and again. I think the decision to go "no contact," to disassociate from the addict, etc., is about (or should be about) protecting the health and sanity of the person who loves the addict, not about trying to push the addict into recovery by "making" him hit bottom. Because none of us can accomplish that, and we will never really know where our addict's "bottom" is - this is just another attempt to control the uncontrollable. Only the addict can decide to truly get clean.
The stance I always took with my AS was - if you are working on recovery, I'm there for you; if you are in active addiction, I'm out. I was aware of his substance abuse problem for about two years, and of his addiction to heroin for only six months before he passed away. We (I say "we" because it was definitely a joint effort, even though I know it can't really be) were aggressively working on recovery programs - both in and out patient rehab - for only four months at the time of his death. So there wasn't an opportunity for me to become burned out on "manipulation through professed commitment to recovery," as so many parents on this board have experienced. In that short period of time, he disappointed me with relapse after relapse, and I felt like an emotional roller coaster - one minute supporting him, the next minute cutting him off. But I wouldn't do anything differently looking back on it. Had things continued in the recovery/relapse mode, I might well have decided that I couldn't take it anymore and refused to be supportive even when he was going through his "I'm now trying to be in recovery" mode. But if that had happened, it would have been solely because I needed to cut things off FOR ME, not because I was trying to have any particular impact on him. I still think that the ideal approach is to be there for them when they are working on recovery, shut them out when they are pursuing their addiction. But at some point, it may be impossible to take this approach and stay healthy and happy yourself due to the addict's inability or hidden unwillingness to stay in recovery. And at that point, it's a great thing that NA/AA is around, since I do believe an addict NEEDS support of others for recovery to be successful, and burnt out friends and family members just can't provide that anymore.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: san diego california
Posts: 36
Are you asking me if I want a pat on the back.. umm no.... but addiction doesn't just effect the addict it effects the loved ones around them....
I'm here for him thru it all and I do put my daughter first... he is gettin cleanfor himself and I'm staying by bhis side thru it... bwhy am I gunna doubt him and leave him because of what I think may happen.. if we always stopped and didn't do things because of what cud hbappen this wud wud be not fun and we wudnt learn we wudnt grow... if I doubt him before it happens its likeim giving up on him .... I don't think that's fair
I'm here for him thru it all and I do put my daughter first... he is gettin cleanfor himself and I'm staying by bhis side thru it... bwhy am I gunna doubt him and leave him because of what I think may happen.. if we always stopped and didn't do things because of what cud hbappen this wud wud be not fun and we wudnt learn we wudnt grow... if I doubt him before it happens its likeim giving up on him .... I don't think that's fair
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