A mom who needs advice
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 159
A mom who needs advice
I need advice. My ex husband, who is now in recovery (since around September), is currently seeing our 3 year old 2 days/week supervised. "Technically" (per current agreement) he should be at 3 days/week supervised, but we met with a counselor (child psych) and she said that 2 days/week for longer visits would be better for our child so she has less "transitions" during the week.
About a month ago we agreed as a compromise to have our child meet ex once per week for an activity. I told ex to come up with activity and plan it. He never did.
Fast forward a month...ex and I are meeting with a 3rd party to review changing our parenting plan and adding safety parameters. Our divorce decree says after going to 3 days/week supervised that ex can have unsupervised visits.
We are working out the revised parenting plan, and ex is saying that he wants more time and/or unsupervised (he said unsupervised is most important). I called tonight to offer "unsupervised" for one of his twice per week visits on a trial basis while we finalize the new agreement, and he says that he wants more time and that things are not moving "forward".
I am sure some of you are wondering - yes, I do have an attorney and am waiting to hear back from her. Another important point- ex lives in sober housing.
Also, we have an appointment with a "new" child pysch because ex didn't like the first one we had. Ex eventually wants overnights. Told him that I don't want to agree until we get evaluation on how our child doing.
How long before unsupervised is ok? How would I know if ex is at risk of relapse and/or how he is doing? I feel like I am bad judge since I didn't know how much he was using during our marriage. I could do 3 days per week, but my gut says child is better with 2 days per week and as long as I drop her off somewhere public and pick her up, that unsupervised should be okay (like a park, museum, etc).
I called him tonight to offer a "compromise" and he got all intense and says that he wants more time with our daughter (this is after he emails me and says most important to have unsupervised time to "bond"). I am so confused, he is all over the board (which is probably how this post sounds - sorry for rambling - I just need to vent!)
Any advice/guidance? If my post needs clarification, let me know...
About a month ago we agreed as a compromise to have our child meet ex once per week for an activity. I told ex to come up with activity and plan it. He never did.
Fast forward a month...ex and I are meeting with a 3rd party to review changing our parenting plan and adding safety parameters. Our divorce decree says after going to 3 days/week supervised that ex can have unsupervised visits.
We are working out the revised parenting plan, and ex is saying that he wants more time and/or unsupervised (he said unsupervised is most important). I called tonight to offer "unsupervised" for one of his twice per week visits on a trial basis while we finalize the new agreement, and he says that he wants more time and that things are not moving "forward".
I am sure some of you are wondering - yes, I do have an attorney and am waiting to hear back from her. Another important point- ex lives in sober housing.
Also, we have an appointment with a "new" child pysch because ex didn't like the first one we had. Ex eventually wants overnights. Told him that I don't want to agree until we get evaluation on how our child doing.
How long before unsupervised is ok? How would I know if ex is at risk of relapse and/or how he is doing? I feel like I am bad judge since I didn't know how much he was using during our marriage. I could do 3 days per week, but my gut says child is better with 2 days per week and as long as I drop her off somewhere public and pick her up, that unsupervised should be okay (like a park, museum, etc).
I called him tonight to offer a "compromise" and he got all intense and says that he wants more time with our daughter (this is after he emails me and says most important to have unsupervised time to "bond"). I am so confused, he is all over the board (which is probably how this post sounds - sorry for rambling - I just need to vent!)
Any advice/guidance? If my post needs clarification, let me know...
Still Standing
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Here @ SR.
Posts: 3,296
I'm sorry that I don't have any wisdom to share with you. I'm glad that you are taking time to think everything through for your child. I hope you'll continue to be very careful.
Maybe others will have some insight into your situation. Keep coming back.
Maybe others will have some insight into your situation. Keep coming back.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 271
Always go with your gut. I bet it has never steered you wrong except when you didn't listen to what it was tellng you. Only do what is best for the safety of your daughter..the other child in your life (AH) can continue to work on his recovery until he has more time and consistency.
Your AH wants what he wants when he wants not whats bet for your child...you must run the ship right now.
Your AH wants what he wants when he wants not whats bet for your child...you must run the ship right now.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: PM me....
Posts: 468
It's always interesting to me. When I see an adult parent in recovery, they will usually do whatever they have to do to earn back trust...by showing how RESPONSIBLE THEY ARE. It's over and over...no ego, no BS.....
When they exhibit ENTITLEMENT........they are usually workin up to a relapse.
Just my observations.
When they exhibit ENTITLEMENT........they are usually workin up to a relapse.
Just my observations.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 159
Thanks everyone.
Vale - very interesting comment. Ex has always had an entitlement attitude. It has been his "ammo" from day 1. His "I want more time" after me calling and offering an unsupervised visit definitely seems like entitlement to me. Now I am questioning my offer. I had bad dreams about this last night so obviously I am very perplexed. I keep praying on it. Trying not to "overanalyze" (which I tend to do) but now I am re-thinking my offer. Hopefully I can connect with my attorney today.
Vale - very interesting comment. Ex has always had an entitlement attitude. It has been his "ammo" from day 1. His "I want more time" after me calling and offering an unsupervised visit definitely seems like entitlement to me. Now I am questioning my offer. I had bad dreams about this last night so obviously I am very perplexed. I keep praying on it. Trying not to "overanalyze" (which I tend to do) but now I am re-thinking my offer. Hopefully I can connect with my attorney today.
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