barbarella20722

My H has not used opiates since Jan (that I know of) and has been off suboxone for a little over a month. He's had problems with various addictions since he was a teenager. I did a lot of drugs myself back in the day but never got addicted to anything so it's difficult for me to know what he's really going through. Over the last year he's gone through our entire life savings, we almost lost our house, he had an affair, and even took our young children with him to buy drugs!! you might wonder what the hell I'm still doing with him but I do love him and I know he's a good person without this garbage. He became everything he said he hated in other people! My question is, what is he going through? He's still moody, ignoring important resposibilities, lying (mostly about hi actions during the affairs), unmotivated, and a bit callus. My H was is this kind of person by nature and I know that opiates really mess with your brain chemistry. Over the past week his behaviour has changed, again. He doesn't seem to care where I am, what I'm doing, is distant and not very affectionate. This is not normal for him, even when he was using. I'm not sure what to make of this.

How long does it take for an opiate addict to get back to normal? I'm under a lot of stress and it's starting to affect me physically. I love him and I know these things take time. I'm just hoping someone can tell me what to expect and how to help him through this efectavly so he'll stay away from these horrible drugs that caused him to do such awful things.
Thanks.

crazybabie

He is going through addiction no one can tell you how long it will take for him to get back to "normal" That will depend on him and the choices he makes about using VS getting help.

What about you? What if any plans do you have to help you deal with your life right now?
I came here expecting to be told how to help my A and found the truth I CANNOT help him I have to help me. You took the first step by coming here. At the top of the forum there are some stickies filled with useful information. Maybe start reading What addicts do would be a good place to start?

Welcome to SR, I am sorry for the reason your here I hope we can learn from each other.

incitingsilence

You can’t keep him away from drugs, it isn’t possible.
You also can’t fix him or save him. This is something that he has to do, on his own for himself. Know he is capable and can find his way when he is ready to.

Now I have to ask if you remove the drug use … and please remove the drug use … is cheating acceptable, is putting the children in danger acceptable, is his behavior at all acceptable, is the fact that he is ignoring his responsibilities acceptable???

Yeah I know he is an addict, but that isn’t a good enough excuse for why he is as he is. And I won’t be speculating on whether his present state is because he is using, or not using, but again it goes back to is this all acceptable to you? Is this how you wish to live in today?

I understand wanting to know what he is going through…
But have you thought to look at what you are going through? Thought to look at why you have chosen to go through it to begin with?

FindingJoy

Wow great post. Take the drinking/drugs away and is the behavior acceptable. HELL NO!!!! Wow that was helpful. I used the addiction to help excuse some of his bad behavior..use to let him sqeek by because "well he's an addict poor ____"

barbarella20722

No, his behavior was and is not okay with me. I've been in IC for about 8 months, been on and off ADs for the same pirod of time. Yes I read the "what drug addicts do" odd that all those years all I could ever seem to vocalize about my H various addictons is how it made me feel like a chump and how I felt like I was never more important than his drug of choice at the time. come to find out I really wasn't. I thought that maybe he had hit rock bottom, maybe that's not the case after all. I guess time will tell.

incitingsilence

Also that remove the drugs…
Is drug addiction a good enough excuse to justify our own behavior?

I mean really think about it.
How much we justify as some drugs fault/their fault, as if them not using would really fix everything, what we feel, fix the fact that we allowed ourselves to be right where we are/were in every moment.

We always had the option to opt out.

BeavsDad

You have allowed this man to crush your soul and you still hope for the fantasy.

If you don't summon up some self-esteem and self-respect soon, your children could inevitably pay the price for your weakness.

It won't be easy, but it will be worth it.

Your situation/addict is not unique or special.
There are a lot of people here who have been in or are in a similiar sitution to yours. You can find the strength here if you choose to.

Good luck with whatever you decide.