Questions for Lawyer
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 24
Questions for Lawyer
I think I'm finally ready to leave my AH for good. He was supposed to go to rehab on Thursday, didn't go until Saturday night and showed up on my doorstep last night. It really hurts but every time he shows that he isn't committed to changing it is making my decision easier and it is hurting less and less when I realize that I can't change him, I can only take action to better my situation. I have been trying to figure out the best course of action and finally decided I need some legal advice since state laws regarding divorce/custody are so hard to sift through and each situation is unique.
I have an appt with a divorce lawyer this afternoon to see what my options are and want to have some questions ready so I don't waste any time in there. I'm just now learning about addiction so I would really appreciate any suggestions/advice. (I live in NC and there is a mandatory 1 year separation before divorce unless your spouse is an excessive drug user. We have 2 small children.).
I have an appt with a divorce lawyer this afternoon to see what my options are and want to have some questions ready so I don't waste any time in there. I'm just now learning about addiction so I would really appreciate any suggestions/advice. (I live in NC and there is a mandatory 1 year separation before divorce unless your spouse is an excessive drug user. We have 2 small children.).
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Get your legal rights clarified, make the exit (whether you exit or he does) safe by having someone there to help if things go bad. This is the most dangerous time in a relationship, so please be careful.
And if you don't already go to meetings, maybe give them a try. Surrounding yourself with support as you go through this will help.
Keeping you and your children in my prayers.
Hugs
And if you don't already go to meetings, maybe give them a try. Surrounding yourself with support as you go through this will help.
Keeping you and your children in my prayers.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 720
Wanted to add a couple of additional suggestions.
Request:
Child support
Alimony (even if it is $1.00/month) - this keeps your future options to open to request more.
File for legal separation asap. Have it back dated to when he moved out. This will protect you financially from anything he may have obligated himself (and you as spouse) to during this period.
Take as much financial data with you that you can. Bank statements, loan balances, several years tax returns etc. If you can see if you can have all of those as of the proposed separation date.
Personal advice......the lawyer is there to help you get the best legal result for your kids and for you. While they are interested in a bit of personal information they cannot help with the emotional stuff. It is hard but aside from fear around your kids safety try to keep yourself from dumping too much on the lawyer. Ask what he/she needs and stick to that - otherwise you will end up paying for time with little return on your investment. If NC is a no fault state aside from actions threatening you or your kids I am not sure that other behavior counts for anything.
Good luck to you.....and Happy News that you are taking action to support yourself!!! Hugs!!!
Request:
Child support
Alimony (even if it is $1.00/month) - this keeps your future options to open to request more.
File for legal separation asap. Have it back dated to when he moved out. This will protect you financially from anything he may have obligated himself (and you as spouse) to during this period.
Take as much financial data with you that you can. Bank statements, loan balances, several years tax returns etc. If you can see if you can have all of those as of the proposed separation date.
Personal advice......the lawyer is there to help you get the best legal result for your kids and for you. While they are interested in a bit of personal information they cannot help with the emotional stuff. It is hard but aside from fear around your kids safety try to keep yourself from dumping too much on the lawyer. Ask what he/she needs and stick to that - otherwise you will end up paying for time with little return on your investment. If NC is a no fault state aside from actions threatening you or your kids I am not sure that other behavior counts for anything.
Good luck to you.....and Happy News that you are taking action to support yourself!!! Hugs!!!
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
I would ask if you can seek lawyer fees from your AH. Many lawyers will take a small retainer from you and and seek payment from him and a judge will order it. This will keep your AH from dragging it on and making it more difficult.
Oh and request college funds as well as health insurance for the kids. Basically, get as much as you can, better to go to the kids then on drugs.
So sorry it has come down to this! I admire your strength though! <3
Oh and request college funds as well as health insurance for the kids. Basically, get as much as you can, better to go to the kids then on drugs.
So sorry it has come down to this! I admire your strength though! <3
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