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A Different Life These Days

Old 04-16-2012, 09:02 PM
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A Different Life These Days

When I joined the board in late January, I had just absorbed an emotional wallop in the form of my AXGF's terminating our relationship as crudely and as viciously as she possibly could. I'm not afraid to admit I was an emotional basketcase. Not because the relationship was over, mind you. It was because of her gleeful sadism. It was disbelief: how can someone you've loved and supported turn on you so quickly? It was ugly. She's ugly.

When I look at my time with her, I'm also not afraid to admit I messed up big time by not trusting my gut and staying with her. All the signs of a dysfunctional, Borderline person were there; I just ignored them with the hope of it all going away. Needless to say, it didn't go away.

These days, my life is a lot different, and consequently I haven't been on here as much. These days, my focus is on the things I can impact instead of the things that I can't, and with time (and prayer), I've learned how to tell the difference. In that regard, I'm grateful for my AXGF, because a lot of growth has come out of a lot of pain, and I'm probably more serene and relaxed than I've ever been.

We are powerless over someone else's addiction. And even if the addict isn't using, that doesn't mean he/she is in recovery. That was a huge revelation. I've learned that drugs can mask the core of what a person really is, and that the person we fell in love with while they were using will be a totally different person once they've stopped using. Count on it, and count on the possibility that you may not like the person you thought you knew. Or they may not like you.

So, to those who struggle with the same things I did, don't do what I did and live in fantasyland about your addict finding recovery. Look after yourself. You have the right to do that. You have the right to say, you know, I really don't want to do this anymore. You won't do your addict any favors by staying coupled to them when they're either using or not in recovery once they've stopped using. Get out of their way and take care of you.

Not sure how often I'm going to be on the board going forward. God Bless you all.

ZoSo
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Old 04-17-2012, 05:34 AM
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Ann
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Wonderful share, Zoso, thank you.

When my son stopped contacting me, his life didn't change, he continued his addiction and as far as I know continues today.

But MY life changed, sure there was a lot of pain and grief at the beginning...it may have been my darkest time ever, grieving the loss of the son I once knew. But bad days don't last forever, and the good days that have followed have brought sunshine and happiness and peace to my life in a way I didn't know was possible.

Change takes change, and I am glad you found the strength to let the change begin with you, Zoso.

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Old 04-17-2012, 08:00 AM
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Zoso
I'm so glad that you have found peace. We all deserve that. Although you've stated that you may not drop in to SR too much in the future, I hope you'll drop by occasionally to share your thoughts and ESH. I always enjoy reading what you have to say.

gentle hugs
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