eyeswideshut1

Oh, and he is in another state, and anyway I live in a secure apartment building, so...I'm not really in fear of him breaking in or anything...even if he were here, that's not really his style...this is much more a case of emotional and financial abuse than physical...he has never raised a hand to me...but I appreciate your concern!

eyeswideshut1

I do envy your street smarts, Anvilhead! I really don't believe anything he has ever said, either. I didn't meet his mother or attend her funeral. I was around when he supposedly went back to the country he was born in for her funeral, and later, when I visited him there, I met the woman who now lives in his mother's house and looks after it. And I knew his girlfriend of seven years, who was also under the impression that his mother had died. As for the inheritance, who knows? He told me on Friday that he would send me evidence of that once he got to his aunt's if I wanted it. I must admit that I'm curious to see this "evidence" after all this time, but given that I don't see a future with him, I'm not sure if there's a point in that. Anyway, you're right. He is a bottomless pit. I keep sending money, and he keeps ending up in terrible situations anyway.

eyeswideshut1

The story he told me is that the inheritance is tied up in a trust fund that he can't access until his aunt dies. The money I gave him for lawyers was supposedly to try to get some of it now. I'm not saying that's true, I'm just relaying the story he told me. Believe me, I have spent many days and nights thinking about all the nice things I could have done with that money. It took me months to stop feeling horribly angry at and ashamed of myself. I have been in the grips of something totally irrational and I'm trying really hard to fight my way out! I appreciate your help. I would like to have a partner who is honest and kind and smart and financially stable. And I know that he can *sometimes* be smart and kind, but is definitely not honest or financially stable!

wicked

Now is the time to say

"Show me the MONEY!"


I think if you force the issue that he owes you big time, you will stop hearing from him.

eyeswideshut1

That is basically what I told him--that I would give him the bus ticket and enough money to eat on his way to his aunt's, but after that I wanted him to show me proof of this inheritance story. I've been debating whether this is even a useful exercise, but I think you're right, Wicked, I think it might be worth it just to see for myself that he can't produce any evidence and will disappear when I ask for it. And in a certain way, it would be a relatively easy way to get rid of him and feel vindicated at the same time...

bluebelle

Do you really need proof of the story? If you ask for proof, then you will get more stories, and will continue to be wrapped up with him. You already mentioned the red flag that you won't tell your friends about him.

kiki5711

send him a coupon for McDonalds next time if the urge to help comes up. NOT money.

Then you'll see if he really appreciates your help.

He's a con man. And I bet he has a number of other vulnerable females that he keeps in his "black book" for money.

There's nothing to feel sorry for him. Maybe he should have stayed in the mental asylum longer.

Freedom1990

A relatively easy way to get rid of him is to go no contact, no more phone conversations, texts, emails, etc. End of story. It's your choice to drag this out as long as you want (I have been guilty of the same).

I've found very little satisfaction in getting "vindication" (which often is frustrating if not impossible).

I have found a lot of satisfaction in taking charge of my life, and cutting toxic people out of my life.

suki44883

Sounds like you may be hooked on the drama of this situation. You either want him out of your life or you don't. If you don't, then keep doing what you're doing and you'll continue to be wrapped up in the chaos. If you do, then go NO CONTACT and move on. It's up to you.

zoso77

Eyeswideshut,

Do you want to know how an active addict is lying?

His lips are moving.

Remember that. It will save you a lot of pain...if you choose to avoid it...

ZoSo

Fandy

I think it's ridicules that you feel "responsible" for his transportation and meals. your reasoning right now is that you are still allowing yourself to be tethered to him via your wallet. please don't let him suck you back in. You don't know for sure WHERE he is or who he is. your apt. is only so secure and there are many ways he can worm into your accounts. Identity theft CAN happen to you.

if you want to do good deeds for others, there are better ways. and I agree that he is not just "turning to you"...he is probably scamming 3-4 other women the same way.